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Parents of teens/ grown up DC how did you keep them mentally healthy?

11 replies

Drachuughtty · 06/01/2025 17:36

Just that really. If you have helped your children avoid mental illness and stay robust and resilient mentally, what do you think made the difference?

OP posts:
AllProperTeaIsTheft · 06/01/2025 21:39

Tbh I'm not sure it's ever entirely possible to say whether it's something you did or didn't do which helped or didn't help. The best thing you can do is provide a stable, supportive family background and model good choices and good relationships.

Screamingabdabz · 06/01/2025 21:42

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 06/01/2025 21:39

Tbh I'm not sure it's ever entirely possible to say whether it's something you did or didn't do which helped or didn't help. The best thing you can do is provide a stable, supportive family background and model good choices and good relationships.

100% agree.

OnedayIwillgetarest · 06/01/2025 22:21

So far my late teens are mentally healthy but I am aware that this could change, and I think there is only so much you can control as a parent. There are several things I think I have noticed that I may do/don't do that are different to the parents of kids that do seem to have more mental ill health: I don't stress them about doing well at school - both are high achievers but I always say relax, exams are not that important, it's a game you have to play but no reflection on your value as an individual.

Secondly I have made them politically aware - a lot of mental ill health is caused by social expectations/capitalism/sexism - eg expectations on girls to look or behave a certain way. Critical thinking is important to mental health - encourage them to ask questions and understand why things are a certain way and do something. Both involved in youth politics.

Thirdly good diet - they had no junk food at all as babies/young children - and I home cooked all their food for the childminder even though I worked full time in snr job and commuted. Lots of fruit and veggies, beans, nuts. Lots of fresh air and walks. Also not a fan of computer games so no consoles etc for mine, but fine to them to play when at friends. Extended breast feeding for both and never let them cry it out. A crying baby was always cuddled. No idea if any of that helped or not but felt right to me.

Things I have noticed about less happy teens - a lot of them are put under pressure by parents (one particularly loopy Mum had daughter doing homework on phone as we drove back after a concert at 11pm). Not accepting their child's sexuality is another one or teen wanting to go a different route in life to what parents expect. My kids know the only way they can disappoint me is to behave unethically or hurt someone.

I also have some friends with teens with mental ill health who are brilliant parents and unfortunately their child struggles. I think you just try your best but there are no guarantees.

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thesaskedminger · 06/01/2025 22:27

Sorry but this is ridiculous. One of my DC has struggled with a mental health crisis over the last year. It's not becsue he isn't resilient or because I didn't help him avoid it Confused

Moier · 06/01/2025 22:33

Home education.
My daughters and Grandkids all suffered MH problems at school.... so took them out after trying primary .

Daisy12Maisie · 07/01/2025 00:45

I think some of it is just luck/ genetics.
My 2 children have had quite a difficult start. Their dad is violent and their younger brother died at 3 months old due to Sid's.
So far my 2 children who are now teenagers seem to have had no issues with mental health. I am aware that this could change. I do my absolute best and they eat healthy/ exercise etc but ultimately I think they have been through a lot of trauma and they are ok (currently). So maybe that is luck or genetics or maybe they will have issues later. I hope not but I'm aware it's a possibility. We talk about men's mental health and coping strategies (they are male) but who knows if that will make a difference. Since their violent dad left when they were still of pre school age there has never been another male in the house so they haven't seen any arguments since that time but I'm aware that the early years are so important.

Angrymum22 · 07/01/2025 00:56

DS went through a real low spot around 17. It was an awful time but with time and support he came through it and is now much more resilient. He has developed coping mechanisms and has learned how to keep his own company without feeling lonely.

He has learned how to talk to his friends and equally how to be a good listener. Ultimately we are all likely to experience low moods and anxiety but you have to make them aware that it is a normal part of life.

Anxiety seems to be a real problem for this generation. One thing I have learned is not to hide it from them, to share my own feelings and let them attempt to help me through. If you never show vulnerability or sadness they never see how you deal with it.

I recently lost my DSis, Dh(20) had his arm round me at the funeral and when I gave him a lift back to uni encouraged me to open up. Children learn how to process loss, failure and disappointment when they see us dealing with it ourselves.

ViciousCurrentBun · 07/01/2025 01:08

Let them know it’s ok to voice their opinions to you plus it’s ok to let feelings out. DS and his GF broke up a month ago after six years. He spoke to me and also around 5 different friends and had a cry over a few days. He let it all out I suppose.

Happyinarcon · 07/01/2025 01:13

Home school, wish I’d done it from the start

BruFord · 07/01/2025 02:03

Anxiety is an issue in our family (myself, DD and DS) and what's helped them is getting professional help right away. DS (16) first had counseling at 11 and then a little more when he was 13, which really helped him develop strategies to manage his anxiety. DD (19) needed support around 17 and is seeing a counselor again now as university is getting more stressful. Neither DH nor I are mental health professionals, so we can't give them all the tools to manage the anxiety, but a good counselor can really make a difference.

Being physically active has also been crucial for our two. Both of them enjoy the camaraderie and discipline of sports teams - neither of them is a star athlete, they're happy being solid team players and they like keeping fit.

Drachuughtty · 07/01/2025 08:07

Thanks for your replies and I'm so sorry for your losses @Daisy12Maisie and @Angrymum22 .

Of course I completely agree that the most resilient person can experience mental ill health, anyone can and that's not the parents' fault. My heart goes out to any parent dealing with this. Likewise we can't really know how what we do makes a difference. But as a parent of younger DC I feel that there's so much out there for kids to contend with and I don't feel equipped to help them given my own background with mental health struggles hence wanting to hear from parents with more experience. There's some really great suggestions here. 💖

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