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Please help where do I go from here

4 replies

JC39 · 05/01/2025 20:02

At the beginning of 2024, everything was good for the first time in a while between my husband and me. But a few months in, he was made redundant, and he set up his own company. He was home a lot, and it was a shock to my system after him working every day from 8 to 5, except on weekends. He ended up spending all his time playing video games, and I felt like a maid for him. It was a horrible time.

Things got worse when a friend of his mentioned there were job openings where he worked. It involved 12 weeks of training. The training was in our hometown, but he was given a hotel to stay in during the week. In the first week, he texted me about twice a day but didn’t call at all. When he came back on Friday, he spent about 50 minutes in his car, talking to his mate, before coming inside. I missed him so much, but he was very distant with me.

Anyway, after about three weeks in the hotel, he ended up staying home because I hated not seeing or hearing from him all week. But things still weren’t great. I hated everything about the situation. During the weeks, he needed to study and had no time to spend with me, yet he could still go to the pub with his mates after training. I talked to him about how I was feeling, but it got pushed aside.

It was his last week before he had to go out of town to finish the final exam when I got really bad news, but he still went and left me to cope by myself. Ever since he left for those two weeks, he hasn’t been near me in bed, and he’s been acting weird. I told him that the job was pulling us apart, but he just doesn’t seem to care. He’s changed so much—he’s not the same person as he was at the beginning of 2024. It feels like his feelings are all that matter, and he puts everything and everyone before me.

I just don’t know what to think or do anymore. I’m still trying to get over the loss of a family member, and he keeps asking why I look so miserable and why I was crying. He offers no support, and I feel so alone right now.

OP posts:
Machooda · 06/01/2025 00:17

I get the feeling that he might be cheating on you, especially how he was on the phone with 'his mate' for 50 minutes before coming home that Friday night. I'd start looking at his phone. Something does not seem right.

Righttherights · 06/01/2025 00:18

Odd staying in a hotel when training in his home town. Staying in car chatting to friend? Being unsupportive of your loss? Acting weird. Doesn’t sound great. These are not the actions of a caring and invested person. I think it needs a sit down and calm chat asking what’s going on, giving clear and factual examples and stating how you feel. I dont think you can do anything else at this stage.
Sorry for your loss.

creamsnugjumper · 06/01/2025 00:18

Afraid to say it sounds like a classic affair going on. Thats not a mate he's talking to on the phone.

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Wibblywobblybobbly · 06/01/2025 00:26

Are you sure the company was really putting him up in a hotel?

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