If your older What do you think the different phases of marriage are ?

[JennyTals]

You know that saying it’s like falling in love with the same person multiple times

I think that’s kinda true as
you go through so many stages and phases
like the first meeting phase

the before kids phase

the baby phase
kid phase
teen phase
adult kid phase
ill health phase

not got to the kids leave home phase yet thou

Then I suppose it’s the retirement phase

Well, a lot of people don't have kids these days so it goes a little differently.

For us the hardest stage was the menopause stage and looking after elderly parents stage.

I’m not married but in a 20 + year relationship

I’m sure we also have stages. As far as I can see at the moment, most of our married contemporaries are in the divorce stage with many in the getting remarried stage and quite a few more in the coming out as gay stage.

Newly weds no kids
Parents to babies toddlers
Parents to primary school aged DC
Parents to teens
Parents to college aged kids
Kids at Uni/workplace
Kids leave home so parents get more time back for themselves
Retirement more time together
I'll health/death of one spouse

I'd love to know how difficult people found each of those stages as the toddlers > primary school is crippling us (obviously include the baby years). Youngest starts primary in September 25.

I was going to offer my opinion, but since you've not considered people in long marriages who don't have children, I'm not sure there's much point.

Honeymoon phase
Disillusioned phase
Then, if you’re lucky, contentment phase

This is completely true. 😁

Not sure why people are getting arsey about the "kids" comment. Op didn't say anyone had to have them. Of course it's a stress having children as there's a whole new dynamic.

OP has posed a general and interesting question, but then defined the 'phases of marriage' almost entirely by the stages of parenthood - the question would have been better posed as 'what do you think are the stages of parenthood' because that's what she's describing - there is nothing specific to marriage in her post, or even partnership - her list could apply to a single parent.

The beginning
Muddling through
Accepting your lot

Yes the sandwich phase
agree

I’d live to hear form a different perspective as I only deeply know my own

Fair comment, I’m not really the best at wording what I mean, but I’m really interested in what the future stages are, and what others experiences are

The menopause and teenagers, plus COVID, piss taking family and crazy work stress phase nearly broke us. We separated. Did the solo counselling stuff and came back together.
We are now in elderly parents plus teens phase. But... because of the above, we both have the skills to handle it a lot more calmly.

Oh dear, I've got that stage coming up. I'm 42 and in-laws are getting more and more doddery. Plus our youngest is fairly severely autistic so we've had an extra 7 years of the terrible two's.

How long was your separation ? How have you found it being back together ?

im only peri so still got the proper menopause stage to get through

Should have said peri... Still in peri... It seems to be dragging on forever, but massive doses of HRT keep me sane.
We lived apart for about 2 years, barely spoke for the first year, then spent a year getting to know each other again. It has been brilliant being back together. We are both so much more intentional about all our daily interactions and make sure that we put our relationship with each other ahead of all other relationships (siblings, children, parents and friends). We have worked to find common interests and hobbies. We laugh a lot more.

Honeymoon stage
Young DC stage
Late teenage stage (may coincide with mid life crisis) - most likely to split up out of all the stages
More time for each other stage
Active retirement stage
Slowing down stage.

I hope you sail through the menopause, you've enough on your plate. It doesn't effect everyone in the same way.

OK - sorry if I misunderstood your intentions. You're right it may be different for everyone, I was probably being a bit oversensitive. I will have a think about the stages my 20 year marriage has been through so far.

For me and DH it's been

Newly wed stage ( fun , lots of travel , hanging about with other married couples)

TTC stage - lots more travel to compensate for lack of luck with this - lasted 10 years and coincided with the

Building our careers and financial security stage

Parenting young ( adopted) children stage - hard work but lots of joy

Parenting teenagers stage - hardest thing we have ever had to endure for all sorts of reasons. Almost broke us.

Regaining time as a couple stage - first holiday without the kids was last year. Starting again to go out as a couple lots more and meeting new friends through our joint interests.

Next up - anticipating retirement stage ( lots of talk about future travel plans already )

I haven't mentioned empty nest stage as I don't think that's a given these days.

For us it was the easiest. Parenting teens and young adults is harder than I ever imagined.

We are at kids at uni/college phase. But I think over the last 25 years it's been more of a rollercoaster. We seem to have about a 3 month period of being head over heels, very soppy and cuddly, about 6 weeks of plodding along, 2 weeks of finding each other deeply irritating, 3-6 weeks of plodding. And back to head over heels again.

So many different perspectives! Young DC was by far the hardest stage for us and there were many times I didn't think we would make it. DC now grown up, DH and I have more (happy) time alone despite elderly parents.