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Original poster

Help me not care about being judged!

25 replies

MillyStar9 · 05/01/2025 16:51

Please help me, I have moved a significant distance away from everything I know, my whole support network and area. It is a plane ride away. I’ve always wanted to do it, and it was taking over my life. So I found work; came out here as a single parent and absolutely hate it: I’ve done 6 months and I know very strongly it’s not for me. I am so lonely and bored, I have tried so hard to make friends but have only clicked with one person. I want to go home and can easily make this happen but I am so scared of being judged for ‘quitting’ and ‘failing’. Some people I’ve spoken to are completely supportive, others say I need to see out the three year contract. I plan to do a year but I am so scared of the judgement.

OP posts:
Pigsinblankets13 · 05/01/2025 16:54

IMO I think it's more admirable to come back rather than seeing it through. What's to gain from staying? Your mental wellbeing? Your happiness? Life's too short! Absolutely no need for shame at all. You had the balls to try something new and different and it wasn't for you. That's ok. Be kind to yourself x

catkatcatkat · 05/01/2025 16:56

Not their lives, so they don’t have an informed opinion. You don’t have to do anything - and anyone who says you do, well, that’s just an opinion from someone who’s not actually living through the situation.

I started a secondment for work that was a really great opportunity and hated it so much I cut it short. I thought everyone would lecture and judge me, but was surprised by how many people said it was brave to change something that wasn’t working for me.

If anyone does try to give you advice you don’t want, you can say: “thanks, I’m not looking for advice - just support”.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 05/01/2025 17:02

Do as you need.

You tried it and don't like it.

Be proud and go back to being happy. If you are judged for being happy then they aren't worth listening to or worth you caring about what they say.

Original poster
MillyStar9 · 05/01/2025 17:03

Thank you so much for these replies. I really appreciate the kindness. The thought of going back and having space to breath and my network back makes me feel so happy.

OP posts:
Anon1274 · 05/01/2025 18:24

Not liking something and changing your mind is not ‘quitting’ or ‘failing’. There’s literally nothing to judge unless you mean you’ve moved somewhere to do a qualification or something, so feel you’ve failed as you’ve not completed it? And even then the only explanation people need is the true one of ‘I didn’t like it anymore’

CoralMember · 05/01/2025 18:28

people judge no matter what you do, embrace the fear and do it anyway

SnakesAndArrows · 05/01/2025 18:28

It was incredibly brave of you to try this in the first place. So many people would have just stayed in their comfort zone. Realising that you’re unhappy and need to come home is also brave. As long as you didn’t leave home in a way that burned your bridges I don’t think anyone worth their salt wouldn’t be sympathetic?

Nantescalling · 05/01/2025 21:29

Whoever judges you is just a waste of space. Your friends will welcome you back with open arms. Deciding a place is not for you is discernment, not failure.

converseandjeans · 05/01/2025 22:51

What do your children/child want? It might be in their best interest to move back. If you haven't clicked with anyone, have they?

I'm intrigued as to where you have gone!

Nextyearhopes · 05/01/2025 22:56

You have tried, and it isn’t working. No shame in that.
Make sure you have employment to come back to and use the experience as a learning opportunity.

Original poster
MillyStar9 · 06/01/2025 02:15

Thank you so much for all the empathy. I am in the Middle East, children are young and are accepting of the day to day situation but often ask to go home, I try not to let my feeling rub off on them but I am so unhappy they must sense it.
I have made my decision, I am job hunting and returning after a year, so 6 months to get through. Thank you all so much.

OP posts:
Joyfulincolour · 06/01/2025 06:21

But have you really failed? I don't think you have at all! How many people would envy your confidence & bravery to do this. You have moved yourself & your family across the world to try out something different and after a year you are glad that you've been able to "scratch that itch" and now you want to come home as you miss family & friends. There should be no shame or judgement, just a sense of satisfaction that you did it. I think if you reframe it in this way, it will come across to others in this positive way.

I would spend the next 6 months making the most of it. I would treat it like an extended holiday where you make the most of every opportunity to see the sights & experience things the country has to offer. You then return home with your head held high and your mind full of nice memories of the time you were brave enough to up sticks & do something you've always dreamed of.

We very rarely regret the things we actually do, but quite often regret the things we don't! Imagine how it would still be buzzing your brain if you hadn't gone....

Adamante · 06/01/2025 06:34

Children are wanting to go home and you feel they need to be close to family & friends etc would be my reason. You don't need to explain anything else. It's no one's business.

Bluebellyhedge · 06/01/2025 06:43

You've had an adventure and a new experience for a year. So brave and you've given your dc an opportunity to see a different life. Be proud.

Absolutely nothing wrong with coming home. Most people don't actually care what others do. Everyone is wrapped up in their own lives anyway.

Hold your head up high and don't care what others think. Most wouldn't have the bravery to even try. Or come home. You've done both so well done you.

howsthehair · 06/01/2025 06:47

It's very brave to have gone and very brave to return. Plus if your support network are worth returning for they'll be thrilled to have you back

Tooearlytothink · 06/01/2025 06:53

I love and live by the phrase "don't take criticism from anyone you wouldn't go to for advice". If there opinion isn't important enough that you'd seek it out, it simply doesn't matter. There's also "what other people think of me is none of my business". Again, very true. It's your life, live it for you.

LynetteScavo · 06/01/2025 06:57

I'd say I'd was doing what a best for my DC. No one can argue with that.

I'm imagining you in the Outer Hebrides OP. I'd like to try it for a year, but know I'd probably hate it.

I know several people who moved away and came back to this non descript midlands town. No one judged them. Everyone is too bothered by their own lives. The family who moved to Cornwall REALLY hated Cornwall in the winter, and came back after six months. I think the rest of us were glad they tried it and let us know, because we all dream sometimes of moving somewhere we've enjoyed a holiday.

Anyway, anyone who values you will be happy to have you close to them again.

Lurkingandlearning · 06/01/2025 07:06

I’m glad posting here has helped you make your decision. I hope that will make your remaining time there a little lighter.

I was going to ask how many of the people who criticise have embarked on something that would be such a significant change to their lives. If they have never been as brave as you have been they are in no position to criticise at all.

Nantescalling · 06/01/2025 14:24

Why are you so bothered about what other people think? People who spend their lives judging are toxic in any case so you don't need heir approval. What percentage of the population have the guts to change continents/cultures even languages as an adventure. You did it then decided to go home mainly for the well being of the kids. It's not a failure by any standards.

Nantescalling · 06/01/2025 14:36

MillyStar9 · 06/01/2025 02:15

Thank you so much for all the empathy. I am in the Middle East, children are young and are accepting of the day to day situation but often ask to go home, I try not to let my feeling rub off on them but I am so unhappy they must sense it.
I have made my decision, I am job hunting and returning after a year, so 6 months to get through. Thank you all so much.

Why wait 6 months?

imfae · 06/01/2025 14:59

I think we regret the chances that we did not take and waste a lot of time wondering - what if ?
So you were brave enough to have made this big move in the first place . That does not mean that you have to stay in a situation that is making you unhappy . It doesn't seem like your children are happy and settled either in the new place either .

So do what will make you and your family happy and good luck .

Reallybadidea · 06/01/2025 15:05

I honestly admire you so much for trying it. I'm not sure I'd have had the courage to do something like that (I wish I did!) I also think it's a wise decision to cut your losses and come back if it's not working - how silly would it be to stay and be unhappy just because you're worried about what people say. I'm sure the next few months will fly by now. Good luck!

TeenLifeMum · 06/01/2025 15:07

Just come back and say “glad I tried it but god I hated it. Happy to be home for now.” Keep it breezy. I don’t think you’ll be judged for trying something different.

Original poster
MillyStar9 · 15/06/2025 17:38

Hi all, just wanted to update to say I have two weeks left and I am so happy to be going home! I am so proud of myself for sticking out the year and trying it. I have reframed it in my mind as we’ve had this amazing experience for one year and although it wasn’t for us at least I gave it a go. Really looking forward to going home, I even got my old job back! Others who are staying behind are so unhappy and envious and I am so glad I was brave enough to do what is right for me. Thank you so much for all the advice.

OP posts:
beautyobessed · 15/06/2025 19:36

Well done….It’s all worth it and perfect in time for summer. You’d be so glad that you gave it a go

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