What brings you joy?

[Amianidiott]

I’m turning 40 this year and it’s made me think - I don’t have much that prompts joy any more in my life. I know I’m incredibly lucky that I have lots of aspects of my life that bring me contentment and happiness (my lovely DC, my home, building financial stability, my lovely friends) and I’ve always been good at finding happiness in small moments (laundry on the line, fresh sheets, impromptu kitchen dances with my boys, volunteering in my spare time etc) but very few things bring me euphoric joy any more.

i don’t if this is due to circumstance, or age, or if I need to actively pursue the feeling?

over the last 5 years, I have developed a chronic illness that affects my joints, so I’ve had to give up lots of the activities that used to give me that euphoric rush (running, dancing, moved from a fast paced demanding job I loved to a slower role and dressing up to the nines with heels etc).

there are still some things that work, but quite few and far between - a whole day with my childhood best friends where we laugh the whole time (but based on where we live, this is maybe once every 2 years).

do you still feel euphoric, exhilarating joy? If so, what brings you joy? Or have you also found it’s normal to settle into contentment as you age?

I'd be interested in the answers to this. I've never been good at figuring out what gives me that kind of rush and it's got harder since a very bad experience at a previous job (bullying leading to PTSD). I'd love to find something new that made me feel pure joy!

Recently I've started treating myself to little things like new beauty and hair products which give me a little rush so that's been nice but does seem basic!

Seeing the sea makes me really happy but we live a long way from it(I'm not in the UK). On a recent road trip DH planned as a surprise he factored in a short stop at the seaside and it was wonderful! Perfect winter sunny day.

Other things that make me happy are playing the piano (which I started learning age 40), messing about with the kids (we laugh a lot) and going to concerts.

Not basic at all, I’m pleased you’ve found something that works for you! Freshly manicured nails do give me a lift, but I’m awful at doing them myself so it’s a rare treat.

im sorry that you’re experiencing PTSD, I’ve had experience with mental ill health and it really affects every aspect of your life - I really hope you manage to find peace.

Thank you @Amianidiott, it's an ongoing process but I'm working somewhere I'm (mostly) respected now so it's been good for me on the whole!

Your surprise trip sounds lovely! In my 20s I lived near tropical beaches and I definitely felt that hum of pure joy you get by the sea. I have to admit, I’ve found it harder to capture that feeling recently, but I think it might be because I feel so responsible at the seaside now (make sure none of the boys burn, snacks for everyone, get them home safe) which is an internal block rather than external. I’m more likely to feel joy on that bit back from a trip out somewhere when the boys are tired out, fed and happy, and I’m driving them home whilst they sing/ bicker :)

Solo travel
Theatre
Choir
Volunteering
Walking in nature
Meeting old friends
Public speaking ( this is an odd one I grant)

I wonder if it's an 'age/life' thing. I'm a similar age to you OP and I don't get that exhilarated joy anymore that I used to do in my 20s and 30s. But, I sometimes get 'contented joy' from various things. My examples are doing a creative hobby that I don't often get time for and spending several hours focused on it, or exploring somewhere I've not been before in my local area (a walk or place of interest.)
My theory is that having DC fills up your days and life so much, that less time is left for you, and certainly less inclination to take risks and be impulsive, which I think is where a lot of the euphoric feeling can come from.

I am 53 and still have joy and euphoria, so no I dont think it is an age thing.

Simple things. Am happy if I wake up with no health issues, frankly,as the last couple of years seem to have been spent with consultants of one sort or another. We live quite near the sea,took the dogs to the beach yesterday, the wind was bitter, but I enjoyed it. I won a lottery lucky dip and £100 on the premium bonds. Bought an LK Bennett skirt on vinted for £4 looked up their sale prices. Health cannot be underestimated.

Haha I quite like public speaking as well - I had to do loads in my old role and it’s a great feeling when your message lands, almost like executing choreography well. I haven’t tried the first three on your list (and probably best for everyone if I stay away from a choir :)

I'm in my 70s, folk nowadays seem to want it all and want it now. Remember the old adage " if you cannot have what you want, then like what you have".

I really identify with this - my marriage is another story, but the result is I’m the main parent all the time and it’s very hard to find a substantial enough chunk of time
to move from contentment to joy.

To me, you can't plan joy. It happens, sometimes when you least expect it. I'm more likely to experience it from nature but it could be having a good laugh or a really good conversation with someone and feeling very connected to them, or as you say, when dancing or exercising. One of my most memorable joyous experiences from decades ago was on a farm watching lambs being born - I have no idea why it felt like that rather than merely interesting.

If you have small children and a demanding job plus health issues, it is often hard to find time and mental space for joy.
My DC are grown, and I have more time. I am very deliberate about seeking joy in my 50s as I expect to be looking after my mum in my 60s.

yes, I agree, and there’s a pressure I feel that if you’re content with your lot/ not striving for more, you might not be doing enough. I appreciate that might be internal pressure though, as was quite a driven personality. I definitely agree health (physical and mental) is everything - it took a few years for me to get a diagnosis and I always feel those were ‘lost’ years, it’s been a difficult transition. I’m sorry you’ve been poorly, I hope you’re better soon.

That’s beautiful, I love memories like that of unexpected joy

Very good to hear - I think part of me worried once you lose the capacity/ habit, it’s gone for good. Like everything in life, it may just be a matter of timing.

I’ve realised over the last few years that I can experience that feeling of euphoria listening to live music - rock, or classical for me. The feeling of live music in a room or stadium with other people is a great experience. If you like music it might be worth trying a classical concert and let the glorious music in!

I try not to do that much, but the things I do I enjoy

Worked at the same company for years, but it's local to me, work always changes and always enjoyed the people there, I naturally get on with people I work with

Volunteer at a group, this I enjoy a lot, it's small enough that I get a say in what happens and we do a lot of creative (and technical) things so attracts a nice mix of people

Naturist swimming - great to generally feel better about yourself, also attracts people that enjoy there lives and they are nice to chat to

Watching TV with my kids and we make an effort to play board games each week which are fun

Walking lots, I'm lucky to live on the edge of town so can be in the countryside with lots of footpaths in two minutes

I don't enjoy things like drinking down town so avoid things like that (to noisy and expensive for me)

Anything that is two expensive I know I will hate so only do things that I can easily afford (meals out to often)

As much as possible keep things simple, if it's sounds complicated then it's not for me

Staying away from people, truly.

As a PP mentioned, the "euphoria" in life I last experienced at 16, now 45.

If you are anywhere near London and csn afford it, go see Guys and Dolls at the Bridge theatre. It's pure joy. The standing tickets for £15 are a bargain, if you can stand.

Cuddling my dog, she cuddles me back

A lovely winter walk to somewhere with a view
My job
Cosy lights
My dog

1st cup of coffee of the day
Gigs and music
Cinema
Travelling
Reading a good book
Sitting in my garden on a warm sunny day
Nature
Horses
Drawing and painting
A hot bubble bath

Wanted to add - you've had some difficult things thrown at you. It may take a while to find your 'joy' again - it's taken me 20 years of difficult things but slowly I'm finding things.

Don't bd hard on yourself - it takes time