Married couple bill splitting. Hypothetically is this the best way?

[OverthinkingOlive]

Bob and Mary are married. Bob earns £60,000 and Mary earns £30,000. They have two joint accounts. No children or intention of them.

The first is for the boring bits, so mortgage and bills, maintenance and insurance etc. They pay 50% each into this account.

The second is for holidays and more fun things like a new sofa, carpets etc. Just general luxuries. Bob pays 66% into this and Mary pays 33%

Any other money is their own so they pay for their own cars, phones, separate hobbies and expenses etc.

When it comes to nights and meals out etc nobody keeps score they just kind of go with the flow but Bob tends to treat a bit more as he's the higher earner.

Is this fair enough?

We don't have a joint account DH earns more than me, so pays more of the bills. We don't have a formal split of expenses. Works for us.

I would split according to take home pay not gross salary otherwise yes split by income.

We just work it that he pays but our mortgage is paid off

Equally, he sleeps with you. 😂

Or is he crap in bed?

Me and DH have been together 35 years, married 22 years

When we met, he was officially the higher earner, I was NHS, he was a builder, but he had no job security, no home, 2 kids and an ex. He moved in with me and shared the bills and food because they obviously increased. He also had maintenance and a lot of flights ( kids in NI, him in London )

Slowly over time he became established, his earnings rocketed, mine got the usually 2% increase, he soon over took. We bought a house together, and we opened a joint account, both our money going in, both of us with access. We discussed if we could afford something before buying , before a holiday etc, but it was both our money no matter who had deposited it. We made sure the mortgage, the household bills, the kids needs, were all met, regardless of who earned what

Theres were long periods where due to my health I havent been able to work and when I did finally made it back to earning, its only been part time, low paid, usually zero hour contracts type work

Never have we had arguments about money.

But then I suppose living with someone for 13 years before marriage we kind of knew we were on the same page

Sorry you're not treated like a queen. Don't be bitter.

Treated like a queen? 😅 You're basically saying you have sex with your husband as payment for your bed and board.

I'm quite sure you're only posting this for a reaction, but anyway. If you're having sex as a trade for financial gain, you're being treated like (and acting like) something. It's not a queen.

It's not uncommon 🤷‍♀️

Does loving each other count?

Even if I offered to pay, he wouldnt accept it. He is that kind of guy. Helps me with chores, kids etc. There are good guys out there and I would not expect anything less!

We have a joint account (bills, mortgage etc) and a joint savings account (household expenses e.g. replacing white goods, emergencies, long term savings).

We put a proportion of our salaries in these accounts according to who earns more, leaving us with the same (generous) amount of 'spending money' in our personal accounts. We pay for fun stuff out of our personal money. I'm the higher earner.

I think there's no right or wrong answer. Dh and I have never had a joint account and we're together 20 and married 15. There has been times when I earned less (when studying) and he paid more and now I earn more and pick up more slack. We're both fairly flexible with money.

When you're young and no dc, regardless of marriage I think you need to find what works for you as a couple and what your view towards earning money is. My bf and her now dh have always had very different career expectations. She's a fairly high earning professional (worked her arse off) and he works in a admin role (doesn't want to go for promotion as he doesn't want the stress). He's never been career minded but gets up every day and does a days work. They both work the same hours. They've no dc, but why should she subsidise him because he doesn't want to push himself career wise? She studied hard for 2 degrees and a professional qualification and he hasn't. They have a lovely home, go on holidays together, meals out etc that she pays most of, but she does spend her disposable on clothes, beauty treatments and expensive gym. Personally I don't see anything wrong with it.

It’s fair enough I think.

DH and I go 50/50 on everything. I’m the higher earner.

Would never agree to pool everything together. Separate accounts only.

I personally don’t understand why people bother getting married if they want to keep separate finances.

Legally it’s all one pot so what’s hers is his and what’s his is hers.

Surely there is enough mutual respect to realise you don’t go and buy a brand new top of the range car without discussing it with your OH first if your finances are joint.

The last part is one of the reasons why I’d never agree to everything all in one pot.

If I want to buy a car with the money I’ve earned, I’m not asking for permission. Thankfully, my husband wouldn’t expect me to.

What about 60/40 for utilities/services/consumables and 50/50 for assets (mortgage etc)?

The starting point for any assets on divorce would be 50:50 for a long marriage, or what they each brought to the marriage for a short one, is my understanding (I am not a lawyer so happy to be corrected)

We put all our money in one account, seems the fairway way to do it. My husband and I are on vastly different salaries. Unless after all bills are paid you have the same money left over, how can it be fair? When you marry you're an equal partnership surely?

It is only fair if they are living to Mary’s budget. The housing and general lifestyle they have chosen needs to conform to her income, not his.

It is unlikely that Bob is willing to live like that given he earns so much more and has likely put pressure on Mary to have a nicer house and nicer things than she can really afford. He may not even realize what he is doing. He will just know what kinds of homes his coworkers live in and what kind of lifestyle they lead and use that as a mental benchmark.

this makes a 50/50 split inherently problematic. Mary will be stretching to meet Bob at his level.

It’s not about asking it’s having mutual respect.

The pot is joint legally anyway so seems a bit shight for the person earning less to not have as much freedom to
spend, because they don’t earn as much…..

Upon divorce, it would have to be shared but during marriage things legally don’t have to be shared otherwise everyone who is married would be forced to pool money together but thankfully, that isn’t the case.

My husband can earn more if he wants to but he doesn’t right now which is absolutely fine. It doesn’t mean he’s entitled to have a say on how I spend my money.

We pay everything into a joint account which funds house/car/living costs and savings (inc pension). We take the same amount each to our own accounts for personal spends (hobbies, clothes meals out etc) but if we are out just us that is joint except perhaps a birthday treat.

Has always felt fairer to us than paying according to earnings and I would have resented having less personal money if I had earned less.

Why would anyone in a respectful marriage dictate how their spouse spends their money, whether it be separate or pooled money? That would be awful.

Bob and Mary could have their salaries paid into a joint account from where all their bills and savings are taken. Then they have an equal amount of whatever’s left transferred to their own separate accounts for their personal spending.

If Mary won the lottery,.or came into a significant inheritance, would the same rules apply?

I always find it odd that a couple would undertake a financial contract like marriage but try and keep everything financially separate. However, other people like to do things differently so it clearly suits them as long as everyone is happy in the marriage.

I do think it is important that each person gets an amount to spend how they like for fun/hobbies etc but I think it should be the same amount.

Controversial but I don’t think percentages need to be split proportionally when there are no children involved. I’m the high earner in my relationship and while I love DH, I work really hard to earn a high salary while DH prefers the low stress of a low paying job (he’s very capable of progressing and have offered to support him if that’s what he wanted). I wouldn’t force us into a house he couldn’t afford or anything like that and I pay for holidays and treats most of the time, but I feel that it’s fair for me to keep a larger chunk of my disposable income.