Would this piss you off

[Thedad666]

Both ds went to their dad's on boxing day was meant to come home on the 30th but ex messaged me saying the boys really want to stay an extra night . So I said yes. I felt a bit sad. But felt I should say yes as I did not want to upset then if they wanted to stay and they were having fun.

It turns out that they did not want to stay an extra night They were bored and wanted to come home.

I won't say anything as I think it comes under pick your battles . But just wondering would it piss you off

I think it might be useful to have a calm chat with your ex about this. The kids might be telling you both what they think you want to hear in the moment. It's not unusual for children in separated families to do this. I think it would be useful for you all to agree on the days and communicate this with the kids so they know where they stand, too. How old are they? Would a shared Google Calendar work, which they could see, or are they quite young?

Maybe they've told their dad and you different things? Would they feel guilty about leaving dads or you?

I don't think so. I just said to them did you enjoy daddy's they said they were bored. I said why did you stay an extra day then. Ds said dad just said we are staying an extra night because he didn't want to drive in the dark.

I would say something, as either the dad is lying or putting pressure on them which is out of order. Or they’re being made to feel by one or the other of you to feel guilty, which also needs to be addressed

Absolutely no way would I be accepting that. He’s lied to you to get his own way to the detriment of his own kids who just wanted to come home. And made out his kids to be liars as that could easily be taken as they’re lying to the both of you.

When my ex pulled a similar stunt, I confronted him head on and told him I couldn't co-parent with a liar. If he was going to lie then we would go to court and get a rigid access routine implemented.

He hasn't tried it since, and now ds is old enough to give me a call so I go and get him if his dad is drunk or being difficult.

I wasn't sure if its a pick your battles thing. And it may be a one of as his work pattern won't allow lt. I know they love going there to see him etc. But normally it's go Friday teatime back Sunday tea time so its shorter. And less time to become bored. I think maybe they got bored because it was just their dad and nan. And to be honest they probably get bored at home sometimes.

I feel like its the why liar just message and say I didn't realise time was getting on can I bring them back tomorrow. I dont even care if its a bit of BS but don't say they asked when they didn't

It would piss me off, but I would (and did) pick my battles and I wouldn't pick this one overtly. I wouldn't let them stay longer next time though, I'd always find a reason they had to be back on time.

I’d let this slide tbh I’m not sure it’s a battle that’s needed with your co-parent.

Okay they were bored (but as someone has already said they may be telling you what they think you want to hear). Kids do get bored sometimes anyway.

I personally wouldn’t want to pick a fight over that.

Ah your situation seems a bit difficult. Glad you managed to sort lt.

Mine are 8 and 9 . I'm not able to pick them up as I don't drive. I would also worry that he might say things to them. Like don't tell mummy otherwise. Bla bla

I guess as they get older they will have more control . I honestly don't mind then staying an extra day its the bs that's annoying

Yeah I'm definitely not going to bring it up. It would just cause bad feelings and possibly a knock on effect for the boys. And it's them that matter.

You have to let shit like this go. I had many instances of this.

What do you expect to happen if you raise it with thier dad? He’ll double down and do it again as he knows you are upset.

I'm 100% not going to say a word. I just wondered if it would piss others off . I wouldn't want any knock on effect on ds.

It used to piss me off a lot!

All those years of just smiling and biting my tounge!

Totally get it. That's why I said it here i think. It will probably change as they get older