55 plus woman. What do I want from life?

[AndThereSheGoes]

I actually believe in manifesting. In that so far life has aligned with typical aspirations.

16 - 25 do whatever and have fun
25 - 30 find the one (after being a bit popular)
30 - have a child
45 - look amazing, get fit
50- be in a good job

55....err.... now what?

Anything I really enjoy I do anyway. I've had the love of my life. I've had a child.

What is next on the list? I've not been amazing in any category so think it's probably too late to go back. But what should I go for?

Only get a dog if you have plenty of people available to look after it when you are on holiday - other dog care is very expensive! You need to assess your life to see if this idea works for you. We loved our dog (arrived when I was 50) but it’s a being with constant needs!

I found going on holiday was the best thing for us. Never a beach holiday - done that! We explore places we always wanted to see. I agree about staying curious.

At home, we go to high class restaurants and go and watch a lot of sport. At 60 I joined the U3A. Do loads of things with them, including giving talks and running a group. Other similar groups are available. Have a look in your area.

We spend more time seeing friends. We do not have grandchildren but would make time for them if we did! There’s plenty to do after 55.

I started whole life again at 50 having lived the life that other people thought that I should.
Now 56, no dependents. Goals are to keep this carcass functioning well enough to enjoy the next 20-30 years and to expand horizons (which are already waaaaay bigger than in my 40s).
Having seen what retirement does to some people, I plan on working til they chuck me on the fire!

(similar ago to you) building a good spread of friends, or at least valued acquaintances -DF died last year and DM is bemoaning most of her friends being older than her and not having many people to do things with.

Look around at your community and see what is lacking and start a group/charity to provide it. Looking outward, improving the world.

Mid-50’s - focusing on keeping healthy as possible and working for another 15 years! No luxury of another salary in the household!

@debauchedsloth has it exactly. What you’re searching for is purpose. Find out what your purpose is and put in the work for it. That’s what you have done and it’s what we all need.

This. Also reducing the amount you work if you can afford to and spend more time on whatever interests you.

I'm slightly younger than you and am planning to reduce to 90% hours over 4 days from April and then down to 50% over 3 days in a few years time when I can take part of my pension but I'm fortunate that my employer will allow this.

I'll spend my non working days visiting museums and galleries, nearby cities, going hiking, out to lunch, wild swimming, spa days, theatre/comedy gigs, photography and painting and generally enjoying a better work life balance with more time for exercise and things at home.

Don't you have loads of ideas of things you'd like to have time to do if only work and the necessary stuff that needs doing at home didn't get in the way? Same for the OP?

How about managing your heath so the years you do have left are as good as they can be, rather than thinking about extending the years??

Funniest mistype (phone help) of the year so far!

might have this years, very early on in the year?!

fuck nose!!
😂😂😂😂

For me it’s about planning and striving so that I can get to do things I want to do - mainly creative things, I want to have more time to write, do music and arty things etc, but also travel, and I want to live near the sea and have my own garden. I had DC fairly late so I’m mid 50s with a teen still at home so it will be a few years before I’m able to move. I’m trying to prioritise fitness especially bone and muscle strength, and trying to increase my income (self employed) to bolster savings. I’ve been single for nearly 10 years now which means I’ll be able to make my own decisions, but it’s a bit scary financially. I do have equity in my flat and a pension, but I have to work hard and it’s not a life of luxury.

I’m aware though that not having “ticked all the boxes” (such as having a well-paying job or my dream home) means I still feel I have things to aim for and dream of, which I think is actually a positive for me. I wouldn’t want to feel like I’m coasting downhill towards the end of my life IYSWIM, I think I’m quite scared of that so I like to see myself as still on the way up, whether or not that’s bollocks.

I did travel, have a ton of fun, play in bands, live in lots of interesting places etc before having DC and try to remind myself of that when I question my decision to have my youngest at 40.

I totally get this OP. I am 51. I will never finish the house or get it to a place I 100% want it to be. There is so much cosmetic to do which will cost £££. I will never pay off the debts we have (they are a lot). I will have to work for the next 15 years at the very least. I will never get the car I want - and what if I did anyways ? my dream car seems pointless now. The daily jobs at home are endless, every.single.day. Just trying to get on top of the jobs/life admin/to do list/keeping up with friends takes all my energy. I've travelled a lot. would like to do more but DH not interested in going where I want to go. I'm not interested in learning a new skill or hobby as there is nothing that interests me.

Sorry OP, no help

@LunaNorth isn't it 10 000 hours? Gladwell et al

Learn a language! Travel!

You are my inspiration!
I am buying my first home now at the age of 51. I don't have kids. I am single.
Hoping I can change jobs in the next 12 months.
I am focused on walking my dog, Pilates, no alcohol, breath work, eating healthy etc. hoping by the time I am 55 I will be in a better place mentally from all these things I am doing now.
There's definitely no slowing down or semi retirement in the next decade that's for sure.

I wonder what sort of things people would have/want to do if no work or home stuff to get in the way ? I love exercising and swimming, but would get bored doing that all day every day. I love food and lunching but I would be huge if I lunched several times a week ! I love spas but would get bored if I could go there whenever I wanted.

Perhaps now is the time to start giving back? Get involved in something where you help others.

My DF had his second life from aged 63. He had been an alcoholic and quit. He was still working and we, his children, were still young (aged 4-13). He joined AA and over the next 33 years, he became a mentor to many, many people. He was the chairman of his area; he went to meetings all over the country and he met loads of people- of all ages; backgrounds; careers; from pop stars to plumbers.

He lived a very full life until his death aged 96.

So don’t limit yourself by your age - that is what I have learned.

I feel like I could easily fill my time without working. I love being creative so writing, painting, playing music and sewing, but also reading loads of books, going on trips to places I’ve never been, going to late night jazz clubs and getting up at noon, loads of DIY and decluttering that’s piled up over the years, doing swimming and weights, learning new things like I’d love to go on a course to learn how to fix my own car for example. I’ve started learning a new instrument recently. I’d like to do outdoor volunteering like beach cleaning. My main problem is having too much other stuff to do i.e. work, housework etc.

If you don’t know what you want to do, you could have a plan of trying out various new things and see what grabs you.

I’m 10 years older and trying to find my mojo.

I’ve just finally got to the end of a verbally abusive marriage and a horrendous divorce.

Im retired and have an ok income, and although currently in a rental I do have enough to buy soonish. I have an adult DC.

Im in the enviable position of being able to do pretty much what I want. I have the time and reasonable money. And yet I feel lost, so I have been considering this a lot.

When I moved in the summer I was happy as Larry. Gardening is my happy place but the cold weather has left me in limbo. My mental health isn’t great.

I agree that health and financial security are top priorities, but after that what?

I read about a new book this morning called DOSE by TJ Power about how to raise your Dopamine, oxytocin, Serotonin and Endorphins. It has some seriously interesting suggestions that are science based.

I think a fulfilling life needs novelty, physical activity, connection (people, amimals) and meaning. The meaning can be anything. I have done a bit of therapy and realise that I function best when I am in Mother Mode. It’s the strongest part of myself and I can express my needs and wants most easily. I am still recovering from my marriage.

So I think I want to do that, but this time on my terms.

Obviously some of this will involve family, but I am thinking of reaching out further - maybe fostering a dog. Finding some kind a volunteer work.

Can any of this inspire you to think what aspect of your life is missing and how to redress it.

I am going to try and reframe this question as less about finding something missing and more about finding the ‘extras’ in life.

As you can tell I’m on a bit of a 2025 new beginnings high.

Definitely health.. I've seen so many people become disabled, ill, long term health conditions from 40s onwards.. it's not just about being alive but being in great health to enjoy it. give up any bad habits, stay active and build some muscle.