Bit of a Moan

[MiserableNight]

Adult dd, 25, lives at home. She's professionally qualified but can be fragile due to ADHD and ASD traits.

She's been tetchy today. I cooked a nice dinner this evening for us (her, me, DH). When clearing away she started talking about a "23 and me" test she had done a couple of years ago that indicated she carried the prostate gene. I gently asked her to stop it as one of dh's friends has just been diagnosed and now wasn't the time. Cue indignation on her part and me saying that it wasn't meant to be offensive as a request but a shot across her bows to drop it.

She then had a tantrum about being a shit daughter, etc, etc. Is useless, etc, etc. She has been fluey and holed up at home but said she needed to get out of the house and I said that might be a good idea so about 45 minutes ago she stormed out, slamming the door.

She is obviously upset but so am I.

I don't really know the purpose of this thread but need a bit of moral support. Sometimes I feel at the end of my tether and am sick and tired of the constant sensitivities and disproportionate responses.

Not a nice end to New Year's day.

I'm sorry that you're struggling with DD and that conversation has upset you.

Could this have been a genuine worry for her? Although she can't get the illness herself she can pass on to her children / the male side of her family may be at risk. This could be a worry that's been on her mind and she may have wanted to talk about that but his shut down. You should also want to know that information as DH could be a carrier?

but was shut down*

I'm sorry it's difficult when adults live together especially when one or both is ASD and ADHD. I am and really clashed with my mother when I lived at home and I'm sure she's ASD too. I was also very close to the edge whenever I had PMT as was she so it was difficult. Maybe just stay out of each other's way for a day

She's catastrophising and wants to offload. Thing is she can't keep relying on you for reassurance and to help her process the difficult stuff especially when you are affected by it yourself. You need time yourself to process what is happening to your friend.

Conflict of needs. Plain and simple. No one is to blame. Maybe if she had another outlet to offload and process stuff like this it might help her. It's a lot for one person to take on.

Also exercise, rest and a good diet is amazingly restorative. It helps any excess stress hormones work their way through the system. It's like when there is a load of stress hormones are released and it can take a while before they are excreted so everything happens in the context of feeling stressed.