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How do I go about this situation?

14 replies

2025begins · 01/01/2025 17:56

I am a self employed cleaner and have done the job for quite a long time. My clients have always usually been lovely people. I started a new clean last year and was given him through an acquaintance. Gradually he has started making me feel uneasy.
The first time was when he came through and said “I love when you’re here as you always come in with a lovely little smile”. I just took that as him being nice at the time. Then another time I came in, I had said it was cold outside and he came straight up to me, took my hands and started rubbing them. I pulled them away slowly, changed the subject and went to start my clean. He was quiet for a while after that but then he’d touch my back when passing or when I was in a small area like the en-suite, he’d stand and block the door and make conversation. Just before Christmas he’d given me wine as a gift to say thanks for cleaning for him and he leant in quickly and kissed my cheek as I’d moved my face to the side when he came towards me. I froze and I was annoyed at myself for not pulling back. I just froze and didn’t know what to do. The last time I’d been there he had asked me if I had a boyfriend and stupidly I said no as I was taken aback. I just said I wasn’t interested in dating. He went on to say he just wanted someone to look after. He then left.
I’m due to go back but I don’t think I can. He is an older man, there is 40 years difference. His children are older than me.
I am always friendly/polite when I’m there but I’m like that with all my clients.
I was hoping for some opinions on how to go about this situation. I’ve spoken to friends/family. Some say to go to his home when he’s not in and that way I don’t have to see him much. My dad has told me not to go back.
I’ve never been in this situation so don’t know what to say to him that I won’t be coming back.
He pays me way more than I usually charge too, which I guess was a red flag that I never noticed at the beginning.
Reading all this back, I sound like an idiot for going back all this time.

OP posts:
Meltedwelly · 01/01/2025 17:59

Did you fall into Channel 5 drama Too Good To Be True?

Pancakeflipper · 01/01/2025 18:01

Why would you want to return?

Get another client.

He's going to push this until there's a flashpoint (e.g. he hurts you/you storm out)

Melodyfair · 01/01/2025 18:05

Just quit, no need to give any explanation if you don’t want to, it’s your life and your job, you are not doing court ordered community service, you are in control here, so take back control and never feel obligated to anyone who makes you uncomfortable.

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2025begins · 01/01/2025 18:07

@Meltedwelly unfortunately it is true but thanks

OP posts:
2025begins · 01/01/2025 18:08

I guess I was more worried about having to send a message or tell him to his face but it would make more sense to just block his number and not have to have any more contact with him

OP posts:
Meltedwelly · 01/01/2025 18:11

2025begins · 01/01/2025 18:07

@Meltedwelly unfortunately it is true but thanks

Well that drama didnt end too well. Id not be going back.

CurbsideProphet · 01/01/2025 18:13

Send a message "due to unforeseen circumstances I will not be able to continue with our previous arrangement. Kind regards". Then block his number .

It really makes me cross when men deliberately make women uncomfortable like this and behave inappropriately.

WeeOrcadian · 01/01/2025 18:24

CurbsideProphet · 01/01/2025 18:13

Send a message "due to unforeseen circumstances I will not be able to continue with our previous arrangement. Kind regards". Then block his number .

It really makes me cross when men deliberately make women uncomfortable like this and behave inappropriately.

Nailed it

Don't go back - he's making you uncomfortable. For now. I don't see it getting better.

2025begins · 01/01/2025 18:36

CurbsideProphet · 01/01/2025 18:13

Send a message "due to unforeseen circumstances I will not be able to continue with our previous arrangement. Kind regards". Then block his number .

It really makes me cross when men deliberately make women uncomfortable like this and behave inappropriately.

Thank you for this. I will send him a message then block straight away

OP posts:
Livedandlearned · 01/01/2025 18:57

I used to be a cleaner and had a similar situation and although he wasn't as obvious as the man you're cleaning for he still made me feel uncomfortable.

He wasn't home very often when I cleaned so I didn't get rid of him but when he moved house and I didn't clean for him anymore it was like a massive weight had been lifted.

I'm much older now and I wouldn't stand for even a sniff of this behaviour and I've brought my daughter up to not take any shit either

DeliciousApples · 01/01/2025 19:20

CurbsideProphet · 01/01/2025 18:13

Send a message "due to unforeseen circumstances I will not be able to continue with our previous arrangement. Kind regards". Then block his number .

It really makes me cross when men deliberately make women uncomfortable like this and behave inappropriately.

Perfect 👍

MissAmbrosia · 01/01/2025 20:05

Christ no - just stop! And say it's because he makes you uncomfortable. There is the slightest chance he might not be aware and he should be made so in no uncertain terms! We have a lovely cleaner and there is no reason on earth why either of us would ever need to touch her in any way.

Keepingongoing · 02/01/2025 13:09

Sounds like he might be sizing you up as a potential partner (I’m assuming he’s not got a partner)…..’just wants to,look after someone’ indeed.

Don’t think you’re an idiot at all, these situations evolve slowly, but the unwanted physical contact is a red flag, I definitely wouldn’t go back. Up to you whether you tell him you’re not returning, or just don’t go back…both will communicate he’s massively overstepped.

2025begins · 04/01/2025 21:05

I sent the client a message this morning, saying pretty much what @CurbsideProphet had said to send. I then blocked him.
A few hours later I received a voicemail from his number but I won't be listening to it.

Thank you to everybody that replied. I feel a lot better knowing I'm not going back there again

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