Think I’ve made a mistake, paying the ultimate idiot tax

[Texx1989]

I think I might be an idiot 😣my husband and I have a 4 year old daughter. I haven’t worked much since she was born, and due to that and a huge jump in interest rate on our mortgage last year (almost doubled our monthly payment) we decided to move house to a cheaper property. The property we bought ended up being a huge money pit, unexpected building costs into the tens of thousands. We’re now in almost exactly the same financial situation as before. And I feel like such an idiot!

We decided it was ok, and that we just have to survive until my daughter goes to school in 9 months and I can return to work more. Then we will be ok ish. However before Christmas we had a huge shock, I am pregnant. We are over the moon, as our daughter was a fourth attempt at IVF and we were told we would likely never conceive naturally. However, this means me not working for considerably longer, so the debt we are in will become unmanageable by the time I’m able to work again.

Has anyone else found themselves in this situation? I feel so stupid to have let us get in this financial position again and feel to embarrassed to even admit our situation to family or friends. It is possible for us to move to a cheaper property again, but we’ve only been here 6 months and I’d feel like such a failure having to move my daughter again! We already penny pinch as much as possible, don’t have expensive things, shop frugally, I haven’t bought new clothes in years. I just don’t want to live this way anymore. I work as much as I can whilst my daughter is at pre school but it’s just not enough, and my mat pay is shocking. Please be kind as i’m
feeling delicate! 😂

Congratulations on your pregnancy! It sounds like you might just need to go back to work sooner than planned in the mat leave of your new baby. And try to get something better paid.

Can you also contact the mortgage company and ask for a rework of your mortgage or a payment holiday during mat leave?

See if there is a mortgage holiday option.

Also, if you really are struggling with debt payments speak to Stepchange. They are fantastic.

Congratulations. Can your DH work any more hours or ask for a rise? Can you find something where you can work from home and fit in hours to suit? Take in a lodger if you have a spare room? I wouldn't move again if you have just got this place fixed up, you could end up with other unexpected problems in another house. Is there any equity in the house that you could release by increasing the mortgage to pay off high rate debts? Check if you could be due any benefits or social tariffs for gas and electric.

What are your options? Realistically.

Work wise, are you in a position to work from home or part tome and still on ok money? Would you have any help with childcare or would you have to pay for two children?

Is the house done now? When downsizing, would the savings be considerable (including cheaper bills) and are there any properties available cheaper that are livable straight away? Without needing any extra work? Or just minimal work i.e painting/carpets (and you can go cheap, one thing at a time)?

What's your husband's work setup? Would you be able to do nights/late shift in a job? This would be exhausting and you'd never see each other but it would only be for a few years.

Are you in debt right now? How much?

I don’t want to seem insensitive but you didn’t just find yourself in this situation…..you did four rounds of IVF! Firstly that won’t be cheap and secondly you were actively trying to have another baby so why are you now surprised that you are going to be in financial difficulties?!
The good news is that with the new childcare options (can send babies to nursery from 9 months for 30 hours free childcare from September 2025 for working parents) you could go back to work after the second child. In the meantime I suggest applying for any benefits you may be entitled for and trying to put as much money away as you can to help during maternity leave.
In regards to the mortgage I assume you have gone for a fixed rate rather than variable (although they are cheaper they could go up at any point leaving you in a worse position so if you aren’t fixed I would recommend fixing so you at least know how much you have to repay and can budget ect. )

I would also recommend reaching out to family as although you are embarrassed they may be able to help in some way.

@HappyMummaOfOne if I've read the OP correctly the new baby was conceived naturally, and as she had previously used IVF, this was not something she was expecting.

@Texx1989 congratulations on your new pregnancy! I was wondering what work you normally do. I'm guessing perhaps not highly paid but if you are only paying one lot of childcare once your eldest goes to school, then you would still come out on top, but maybe not something that will fit into school hours ?

Op I found myself pregnant with my second when we had literally no money - I had a one year old and we were really struggling. I cried and cried I had NO idea what we were going to do, even though we were also really happy to have another addition to the family. Babies themselves are pretty cheap, as you know already I'm sure, it's the lack of work options that's the issue. I took on evening work so when my DH came home I went to work so we didn't have to pay for childcare and did weekends too. It was really hard work but it was the only way we could afford it. It was pretty grim tbh but we got there in the end and it will be ok - try and think strategically about how you can make it work instead of panicking (easier said than done!) and know that it won't be forever.
Congratulations and try to enjoy the pregnancy

I'm a fellow ivf mumma but wouldn't dream of not working despite how long it took to have child and still expect to pay the mortgage.

Congratulations on the miracle surprise though, being at work and paying the bills will not affect their childhood. Enjoy both :-)

can send babies to nursery from 9 months for 30 hours free childcare from September 2025 for working parents)

It’s not free, it’s funded, and most nurseries are hiking prices and adding essential consumables. We do two days a week, it was £650 before any funding, £400 with 15 hours free; and will now be £450 with 30 hours free because they’ve hiked the essential consumables. They’re also increasing prices in April.

OP is going to need to either move or downside enough to settle some debt or go back to work earlier than planned, lots of people do, but free hours is a myth.

Congrats!

I wouldn't move house again - the fees will be thousands and could easily negate any savings.

Speak to mortgage company, extend the term of your mortgage etc.

You'll cut your cloth accordingly.