Hand hold please?

[ElloKip]

DS is 18 and going through a really hard time. He has been feeling suicidal and is on pills now that recently doubled. He is autistic.

He always says if he is going out, usually to the shops.

He's just left without saying anything.

It's absolutely pissing it down.

DH rang him and he said he just wants to go for a walk.
I text him and he said he is OK.

But part of me just wants to tell him to come home but he is 18
And of he needs to go for a walk to clear his head I can't stop him.

But I'm just so scared when I don't know where he is or what is going through his head.

Hand hold till he comes home please??

I'd just go after him . Regardless of his age or need to be alone .

Would he often go for late walks on his own?
If not, as @DubLass said, I'd be inclined to go after him.
Hop in car and go try find him.
For your own peace of mind.

Not this late, maybe upto 10pm but to go shops but I don't think any are open.

I just phoned him and he promised me he is OK and just walking and I said I would come pick him up but he said he's fine and just wanted to get out of the house and stretch his legs.
He has been asleep most of the day so probably felt a bit of cabin fever

He did sound like he was fine when i spoke to him but I'm just a fucking wreck lately.

Ah no OP that's awful. He is communicating so that's good. Just have faith that he'll be home soon, he needs to process so I don't think you should keep contacting him.

Let us know when he is home xxx

Any chance you can try to walk with him? On the understanding that he can talk or not talk as he wishes? Say you need a walk too?

My dds male 18 year old autistic friend does this. He can often be found lying in a local park/field looking at the stars after 11pm.
Maybe he wants to see some fireworks?
Hugs x

Tell him you fancy a walk as well and where should you meet him? I really hope everything is okay, the poor boy.

I hope everything is ok,the poor lad. And poor you, such a worry. As a pp suggested, could you hop in the car and look for him? If you both go maybe one of you could walk with him if he's not ready to come home.

DS went through a stage like this although slightly younger and in the second lockdown. I was desperate to help but he just closed down. He admitted to suicidal thoughts and even described how he came across a rope hanging from a tree and considered using it, but a friend call him at that point and talked him through it.

I watched him like a hawk for months. I spoke to our GP and they gave me some sites he could contact. He was adamant he didn’t want counselling. It came to a head when I found a suicide note, he was with friends at a party so I texted him. He said it was from a few weeks before and he had changed his mind.

He’s now 20 and has made it through. We still talk, from time to time, about his mental health and he says that going through it has given him the tools to deal with “stuff” now. He knows what the feelings are and that it’s ok to be sad, down whatever because it is not normal to be happy all the time. He knows that anxiety is normal and that breaking up with girlfriends is sad. Loneliness is not always about being alone and that we need time out to reflect.

The best advice I was given was to meet the suicidal thoughts head on. Ask them if they have planned how they are going to take their own life and if they have thought about a timescale. If they have a date, time and method planned then that is the time to seek help urgently. If they are vague then it’s less urgent.

Obviously ASD does make your situation difficult but talking is key. I found that car journeys were a good place to chat. But most of all they have to trust you and that you won’t insist on help from outside unless they consent. Stick to their rules and agree on the way they want you to help. When DS split up with his girlfriend I would push him into to talking by carefully criticising her. He would bite immediately but he would talk and let it all out. I wouldn’t recommend this for everyone but it was his trigger and he got a lot off his chest. Being angry with me saved him from being isolated from his friends.

One thing that came out of the lockdowns, particularly for DS and his friends was that they talked a lot via FaceTime and while gaming. Because they weren’t at school they had to talk about other stuff and they helped each other through the rough times. I think men naturally do this but maybe at a slightly older age.

I still worry about him now he’s at uni but he still has close friends around him along with new friends. The dialogue we started, reluctantly on his part, continues mainly via text now. If I ask if he’s ok he now replies “ I’m still here, what do you think?”.

Thinking about you, parenting struggling adults is so hard if you know what I mean.

I txt him several times with no answer and was panicking a bit but then at 11.50 I started to call him and he didn't answer and to put it mildly I freaked the fuck out. Badly.

After about 8 phone calls I was convinced he had hurt himself

I got DH to take me driving to find him and at about 12.10 he answered his phone and said he was about 20 mins away.

We went to get him and he's home now.

He said he didn't answer because his fingers were cold.

He seems his absolute normal self, oblivious to the chao
And I don't know if that's the autism and he genuinely was just having a midnight walk or if he was ignoring me because he did have a negative plan.
He walked to Manchester city centre and back

Thanks for the update OP. So sorry you had a stressful night. Thank god all is OK.

www.papyrus-uk.org/papyrus-hopeline247/

I am a mental health nurse ... please make sure your DS has the details for HOPELINE specifically for young people under 35 and there are options to email/ text / call.

Warmest of wishes to you OP.