Do you maintain a Ropey List?

[WWGD]

Friends we were meant to see earlier today (daytime not NYE celebrations) cancelled last minute with a poor excuse (beginnings of a cold). It’s fine, they were already on my Ropey List so rather than change our plans we just said they were welcome to join us in an activity we were already going to do. But I was telling DH about my Ropey List and he was asking who was on it and it’s probably about 40-50% of the people we know.

I pride myself on sticking to arrangements unless me or one of the kids properly sick.

obvs you never know what is going on in anyone’s life - people can have anxiety attacks or bad news they don’t want to share etc etc. But this aside, some people just think it is fine to break plans last minute. I have a whole list of people I won’t book theatre or gig tickets with for example, as I don’t want to end up going alone if they bail.

Do you not mean “Flakey”, rather than “ropey”?

Yes I suppose I do. Maybe one of those words like it/tag barm/roll that varies region to region. [details own thread with much more interesting topic]

Yes, though currently it is bil2/sil2 on it. We cannot rely on them to actually turn up to anything even if they have suggested it, and even then they often don't stay as long as they said/ change plans.
The main offenders used to be a friend of dh's and ex wife who would cancel when they should have been at something (even when you'd driven a long distance to meet somewhere, or made special arrangements for the 5 of them), it was even given a special name in our friend group for the act of being let down at the last minute with a terrible excuse. You never assumed they were coming after a while. And although a lot of it genuinely was her as part of her isolation techniques, he's not much better with current wife as theres always a problem

DERAILS

My SIL. Learnt not to expect her or to cater for her. If she turns up she will pick at any food. She is nice but changed be hard work. So knowing that means we can set the bar low

Yes, one of a friendship group, either pulls out at the last minute, runs late, needs to change plans at the last minute almost every time. It's a combination of committing to too many things and just being disorganised, forgetting to put things in her diary etc. It is annoying.

Not very kind is it.

Yes had a friend cancel for the second time tonight so they are on the list. Quite a few people moved from friends list to the aquaintance list this year too.

Yes. I have a friend who literally didn’t turn up to my wedding - no notice and we had to pay for her hotel room as a result. She is still just about a friend but I only make plans with her when I have a back up plan. ‘Doing a <x’s name> is short for not turning up when you say you will.

I like her as a person and she is not a core friend (obviously!) but a person from wider uni days. But it’s fucking annoying and I now make plans with others from the same group without her

Mentally, I have friends/people not to rely on.

Also, people who are notoriously late, and I have to arrange to meet earlier than I need to, so that they have an outside chance of turning up before the end.

If I had one of those, I would make number one I'm afraid 😬

I don't think I have enough people who would qualify, to make a list. I have one friend who is reliably unreliable. Another we can guarantee will come but will be late (and I'm almost as bad). We make arrangements that suit those who are most reliable (and that have a bit of time between "turn up" and "set event starts" if relevant) and if the most flaky one turns up it is a pleasant surprise.

Edited: oh, okay I'm thinking through various friendship groups and adding various people to it. Another who will flake if, we suspect, they seem there to be too much walking or effort needed to get there (they don't drive). Another who has anxiety but they're just likely to decline an invite if there's not at least a couple of weeks notice. Several who are unlikely to even reply to the invite either way. Etc.