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To ask my parents for a 'break' after a slight family 'todo'

7 replies

GunsNroses2025 · 31/12/2024 13:45

Ok long story so I will try to not make it over complicated.

Had some of my dads family over from Ireland (technically dads cousin and his wife but for ease i refer to then as an Uncle and Aunt) from the 18th of Dec until Thursday, staying with my retired Mum and Dad in their reasonably sized house,

My Mum came down with a cold ( she alleges, she's not the easiest of people in comparison to my lovely laid back dad) so My Aunty phoned me Friday to ask if I would mind if they both stopped with me for a few days to get out of of my mums hair and avoid any infection themselves ( My uncle has COPD and a multitude of health issues) a tad last minute and I didn't have an awful lot of food in ( as mainly been eating out/ picky bits during 'crimbo limbo') but not a massive issue, and they relatively easy house guests, just happy to sit watch the tv whilst we do our own thing, bit awkward in parts as we only have a 2 bedroom house with the 1 toilet, its just me my partner and our 2 dogs, but we tend to sleep in our own rooms due to shift work / snoring/ dogs invading the beds etc , but again not a massive issue, I didn't really hear anything from my mum and dad, I believe it was my aunt's decision but I felt my own parents could have rang me first, anyway they stayed from Friday to Monday, and went back to my parents yesterday, however whilst they were with us, I barely heard from my Parents checking if Im ok/they are ok ETC. and on Monday ( i was wfh in my little home office) I quietly phoned my parents to ask if there had been a falling out or why they aren't really bothering with their guests any more / questioning whether there had been a fall out, they both said no and that they were coming over later ETC, fair enough.

However my silly daft bat dad failed to hang up properly and I heard my mum going to town on my aunty. saying she's pushy, they are staying too long ETC with my dad neither agreeing or standing up for his relatives either ( he tends to stay on the fence ) any who i was annoyed with my mum for being like this but kind of got it, she was under the weather ETC but what really riled me was she then went on to praise my brother ( who i adore but is a very selfish and he admits it, bachelor who does what he wants, not really gone out of his way to spend time with our relatives whilst they have been here, joining us for the odd family meals when its suited him and was with us christmas day, but gone ahead and done what hes wanted in-between ETC ) which is fair enough but still. I heard my Mother say to my dad ' Well Insertbrothersnamehere has more up top for keeping out the way of them' which isn't really intentional he just isn't the type to change plans with friends , whereas me and my partner have turned the odd thing down due to ' having family over from Ireland for Christmas' to not look rude.

But I am fuming, that he is being praised for being selfish whilst I'm being referred to as the ' dumber' sibling for being kind and caring and trying to keep the peace!!!

I phoned my dad and said you do realize you didnt hang up etc , and they were saying they didn't mean it like that bla bla bla, they are annoyed on behalf of me and my partner because its not fair on us a couple, I told them if that's how they feel then to just let them stay at mine until they leave which would be too much as im still working from home and my partners back at work Thursday and as much as he has been brilliant with them , deserves a few days to do what he wants , but if it kept the peace than so be it but they said no they want them back and promised they weren't falling out with anyone so they have gone back to theirs now.

But I am so cross with them for putting my brother on a pedestal , and all this unnecessary Drama, from Thursday when they leave , I'm thinking of asking my parents to leave me alone for a few weeks so I can have some time to myself to be annoyed by their comments ( as opposed to having a blazing row and blowing my top)

My partner thinks this is harsh etc. but I feel necessary for my well being.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Knittedfairies2 · 31/12/2024 13:52

Don't ask them to leave you alone for a while; I doubt it would help. Just don't contact them for a while. If they call you, just be polite but distant. If they try to bring all of this up, just tell them you'll talk about it when you've calmed down after hearing their comments.

Dearg · 31/12/2024 13:53

Sounds fair to me.

Having said that, guests, whoever they are, from Dec 18th - Jan 2nd would be far too long for me, so I can get that your mum had had enough.

The overheard conversation is unfortunate. But try not to dwell on it.

However, I do think a bit of space after Christmas is often a good thing.

Cherrysoup · 31/12/2024 16:29

Staying that long would have been torturous for me, it’s far too long. Can’t blame your mum for venting, but as a pp says, just don’t contact them much, don’t have a big falling out, it probably isn’t worth it.

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Mulledjuice · 31/12/2024 16:35

It doesn't sound as though it was them creating the drama?

Why did you cancel social events if they were happy watching tv while you did your own thing?
Why would you expect your mum to call and check you were OK? Did you check she was OK if you knew she was ill?
I wouldn't have assumed your mum was calling you dumb when she said your brother was smart not to put himself out, but I can see why you'd feel a bit of a mug for not being appreciated.

GunsNroses2025 · 01/01/2025 13:49

Mulledjuice · 31/12/2024 16:35

It doesn't sound as though it was them creating the drama?

Why did you cancel social events if they were happy watching tv while you did your own thing?
Why would you expect your mum to call and check you were OK? Did you check she was OK if you knew she was ill?
I wouldn't have assumed your mum was calling you dumb when she said your brother was smart not to put himself out, but I can see why you'd feel a bit of a mug for not being appreciated.

Out of politeness of knowing family were making the effort to visit us for 2 weeks both me and my partner limited our plans , we didn't turn everything down we just made sure we were free at least 80percent over the 2 week period to spend time with them.

My mum didn't tell me she was ill/had a cold the first I heard about it was when my auntie phones to ask for she could stay , I thought it was my mum being funny which she can be at times

OP posts:
ilovebagpuss · 01/01/2025 14:09

That's an insane length of visit to be fair, really daft what were they thinking?
You are amazing to have said yes I would have said no.
Your DM was wrong to hype up your brother instead of being grateful to you but she probably tired of them coming for that long anyway and secretly hoped they would go home.
Just keep away from them for a bit and maybe suggest the visit is much shorter next time to your dad.
Even if he helps out it'susually the womandoing most of the hosting so no wonder he's laid back about it.

Plumedenom · 06/01/2025 21:49

I think your mum meant your brother was right to keep out of it and she felt sorry for you to get dragged into it. I also have a mother who suddenly gets ill when she has to host, so you have my full sympathy, it is a really shitty way to be. They should have phoned because you did them a huge favour, and for that I would also be pretty distant until I'd heard some appreciation for doing them a massive solid.

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