Regretting second cat, what would you do?

[IcyPlumCrab]

I feel horrible writing this. I've had a middle aged female moggie for around 3 months, she's spayed. Lived with other cats before, very gentle and affectionate.
I'm in a small flat but she has outdoor access, though I don't have a cat flap nor do I have direct garden access from my flat so I have to be careful.
I play plenty of cat tv, give her a lot of affection and play with her.

She can be quite clingy, not in a bad way but that's just her personality. I thought for a while about getting a second cat, since she'd lived with them before. Thought about which sex, breed, age etc.
I did consider a kitten and thought maybe she'd mother it, but I know kittens can only be left a few hours initially and I didn't think I'd have the time to give around my working hours, plus I thought there was a risk of the kitten agitating her.

I ended up getting an older tomcat the other day, he's 12 and has been neutered too luckily. Very gentle, was very confident around the house, instantly roaming.

My other girl has hissed at him a couple of times. Luckily nothing else has happened between them, they mainly just look at each other. I know it's hard for her though, she won't go in the bedroom anymore and tends to stay in the corner, so I've let her outside.

I'm now wondering if I've made a mistake and that I should've left her as the only cat. I know it's only been a few days. I thought she might be bored or lonely because of how clingy she is, like following me into the toilet and everything, and I thought she might appreciate a companion.

I feel like a horrible person and an idiot. Just not sure what to do at all, I know it's only been a few days, maybe they'll get used to each other? I've kept their food and litter apart and try to keep them apart, but it's only a small flat.

I live alone, both cats came from homes with multiple animals, young children and were apparently quite stressed, whereas this is a quiet home for them. Just worrying if I've made a mistake.

They really shouldn't have met each other yet - ideally you need to separate the new cat for a good couple of weeks so that they can decompress - allow them to "meet" via scent swapping for a while first before you introduce by sight.

Some cats just don't get along and never will. Rehome the 2nd cat asap.

I tried to and I should've done but it's difficult in a small flat. I try to keep them apart as much as I can though.

I know it's only been a few days though so maybe it'll be OK eventually?

Give it some time! We have a 3 year old cat and introduced a kitten a couple of months ago. The kitten actually hissed at the bigger cat for a few days (we didn’t introduce straight away) and they became inseparable. Just scent swap but keep them apart for now.

Its been a few days! You need to relax and it will take a few weeks or months even. Yes they shouldn't have met already, it is far too soon, but what's done is done and you need to try and relax and play lots with the original cat so she doesn't feel put out.

I've been trying to play with the female cat as much as possible still, luckily they've been in the same room without anything happening and she hasn't hissed since, I've let her outside for now to give her some space, I'll try to relax.

It takes a while. If they’re just looking at each other and avoiding each other but not fighting, then the signs are good. Give them time. Also get some Feliway Friends plugs ins.

Thanks. I've used a feliway before when she arrived, and I've got another one coming tonight so hopefully that will help things

Give it time. If he is respecting her hissing by not reacting to it, then it's likely things will settle down. Hissing usually means that the cat is fearful not aggressive. Letting her out if she seems stressed is a good idea. If he is ignoring her or being submissive ( flopping, showing his tummy to her) then it will probably work out.

You just need to give them time. I'm a multi cat household (4), most of them have been together for over 11 years and still don't really like each other 😅. As long as there's no physical stress or aggression, carry on as you are for now.

Thanks, yeah he rolled over and showed his belly in front of her which is hopefully a good sign. He hasn't hissed at her, and hasn't gone near her.

I thought a senior cat like him might be better as a kitten might have too much energy and wind her up. Now I'm thinking maybe two females would've been better, even though they're both fixed. But maybe there's no perfect combination.

No you’re definitely better off with a male female combo. Female female can be very spicy.

Mine fought for weeks even after a very slow introduction. Now they tolerate each other. They will likely never be friends the best you can hope for is living together in tolerance

I think he's trying hard and they will probably end up friends.

Thanks, they actually both slept together on the bed last night which is great, but on opposite sides. If he gets too close she'll hiss, but they tolerate being a few metres apart which is great.

That's pretty good! She's certainly telling him that it's her house but she's willing to share.

That sounds great, tbh. I have a brother and sister pair who started fighting at maybe around 2yo after living in harmony from kittenhood. They ignore each other but every now and then it blows up into snarling/hissing/chasing each other around the house until one or both goes outside. If your two will sleep on the same bed already I think that bodes well!

😻😻 sending good cat vibes 🙂

Please give it time, it's still very early days and if they are sleeping on the same bed already, thats really good progress. I think it's natural to have these feelings of regret when getting a new pet, wondering if you've done the right thing.

I've gone through a similar experience to you, I have 2 male cats. We has one cat for about 1 year before introducing an older kitten. My first cat hated the kitten, they didn't fight but he sulked and was out of sorts, stopped sleeping on our bed and being affectionate etc. I felt really mean and missed that my orginal cat was being affectionate.

After about 2 weeks though, my OG cat started the tolerate the kitten, and even let the kitten sleep next to him. Nowadays they are friends and play fight most nights now and get along fine , although they no longer cuddle now the kitten has grown up. I think yours are showing good signs and hopefully in time they will live together and get along just fine, may even be friends.

It's still early days and they're figuring out their places. It doesn't sound like terminal incompatibility to me - just that they need a bit of time to figure it out.

That doesn't sound too bad at all. Hissing is pretty normal.

I was really upset when I introduced my two and the new one was hissing and growling (after long slow intro involving patio doors and a separate room and all sorts!) but I think it's just saying 'back off!' due to unfamiliarity. Theyve soon settled and get on really nicely. They're slowly inching closer together during naps.

I'd give them time and try to provide plenty of spaces they can be separate in the day. Maybe a cardboard box or two or a cat tree. Sleeping together on the bed is a good sign.

Thank you!
Earlier on they were both right in front of the TV on the cabinet, so she hissed and he yowled and then walked away, not sure if that's him being submissive to her?

I took a stray in & it was absolute carnage. Fierce & very aggressive behaviour from resident & new cat. I never thought it would work out but with time & patience (& feliway!) it did. They’re both dead now but became inseparable.