Very tempted to not contact about 80% of my contacts in 2025.

[ThewrathofBethDutton]

I realised that unless I initiate contact with most people I know, they don’t contact me.

I love these people. They are cherished and carefully kept close because of what just thoroughly lovely people that they are. There’s not a bad one amongst them.

That’s how I feel about each and everyone of them.

Clearly though, this isn’t reciprocated.

Therefore I’ve been thinking about just leaving them be in 25.

Not contacting them to just see what happens, I kind of know what will happen, but maybe I’m “forcing” the friendships and need to now let go. Thinking a bit deeper I suppose.

What do you think about this?

I think it’s juvenile. Like imagining your own funeral as a teenager and thinking ‘Then they’ll realise!’ If you love them, and the relationships are of value to you, why drop them?

Contact works both ways but if it’s 100% you making them effort then I would stop. I would be open to speaking/seeing them should they make an effort though.

Yes do it! The one thing I've learnt this year is that people who love you contact you and push through. I'm sick of being the one to initiate contact and care about others mental health.

If I get anything from them I would love to see them, love it. Would definitely see them.

Life is busy, time goes so fast so it’s tricky isn’t it.

But I think it’s best if I leave it to them now to not feel pressured into finding time.
It can be as and when they are around for a catch up.

Im not feeling anger or pissed off just a bit “why have I not realised this before now!?”

I feel the same. Some friendships just need to gently fade away. With some people, I'm always the one who initiates contact and suggests meeting up. I'm planning to stop doing that, and I suspect they'll be relieved. I've got other friends who I see regularly, so I'll concentrat3 on them.

Yes, I've done this. Best to winnow out those who can't be bothered.

If the last 3 times it was always you I wouldn’t initiate the contact. I would wait until they did it. You might end up seeing them less but it would be more valuable. If they won’t contact you - you’ll get your answer.

I'm not sure a blanket approach is the right way forward - I'd assess each friendship individually.

I'd say that I initiate well over 80% of the contact/plans with my very dear BF of many years. It's just our dynamic and I am absolutely confident that is is absolutely no reflection of how much she values my friendship. It would never even occur to me to "test" her in that way.

But yep, I can think of some friendships where I do more of the running so to speak, where I have wondered if I would ever hear from then again if I didn't. But at the end of the day I don't want to cut of my nose to spite my face. So long as someone is a a great person and enthusiastic about meeting up when I do suggest it, that's enough for me and I don't over think it. People are weird and we don't always know what's going on in their lives and their heads.

A "friend" who was evasive or flakey should definitely be let go though.

It’s tricky isn’t it.

I’ll see what time brings. I suspect I will have a quieter 2025.

Interesting.

Just to say, that my friends all say that one of the things I love about me is that I initiate contact and suggest outings. It’s my USP. I do get a bid fed up of being the one to always organise things but it’s why they want to be my friends.

Am also this friend who always initiates. Am tired now. Stopping in 2025.

I was thinking about this last night, feels like I do the majority of calling and texting with particular friends
In one case it's always been me texting and calling and we always have a lovely catch up and I think surely they'll initiate contact again and they never do! It's quite soul destroying really!
I was sctually contemplating contacting and explaining how it made me feel...is this something you'd do op?

I’ve naturally phased out a few people this year and I have no regrets. I haven’t heard a peep out of them in months so they won’t be in my 2025.

I dont think I would bring it up no.

They have enough on their plates, I’m not adding to it.

I sound very self centred and full of self importance and woe is me and that’s not at all what I think I mean.

It’s a quiet withdrawal. No fuss, bells or whistles, just a quiet step away.

I've thought the same recently.

I had a nice sit down in a cafe this morning and texted Happy New Year to everyone I could think of.

All except one replied while I was still in the cafe! But they NEVER message me first.

Same.

OP, given that you like and cherish all the people you are thinking of, I think "testing" them by breaking off contact is a really bad idea. As another poster has put it, you'll just be cutting off your nose to spite your face. If these people respond when you get in touch with them, stay in touch!

But why? You say these friends, whom you presumably value, ‘have enough on their plates’, so why, if you’re bothered by them not spontaneously contacting you, are you ‘testing’ them by withdrawing? If you’d like thrm to initiate contact, tell them! Otherwise you’re both damaging yourself and being terribly ‘Don’t mind me, I’ll just sit here in the dark!’