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How long do you leave it before phoning?

10 replies

reallymuststopworrying · 30/12/2024 22:39

My son is 24 and lives on his own about six hours from home.

He has a history of not responding to messages and it happens fairly regularly, so I try not to worry excessively.

He couldn't get home for Christmas this year as he had to be back at work for 9am on 27th, and obviously there were no trains back on Boxing Day.

I offered to drive him back late at night on Boxing Day but he said he was ok and would stay where he lives and hang out with a friend.

Therefore this was the first Christmas we didn't see him.

We spoke on Christmas Day and then messaged each other on Boxing Day morning. I texted in the evening to ask if he'd had a good day.

I haven't hear anything back since. I've tried so hard not to phone and text again due to his history of not responding.

I gave in tonight and phoned him as I was getting particularly anxious.

He's so laid back and can't see what's wrong.

I've heard of people who aren't in contact for many many weeks as they are off travelling etc.

Surely they need to recognise that someone is looking out for them and would just like a quick text to say they are ok!

Genuinely, how long do you wait (after you message someone) to call?

He has no family nearby to check in on him!

OP posts:
Mossstitch · 30/12/2024 22:46

I have three adult sons one who lives abroad. They want to be independent and don't like us mum's fussing, I'm afraid you need to resist the urge. As a friend said to me ( whose sons are much older than mine) you'll hear if there is bad news! I tend to whatsapp my abroad one about once a month with something very light otherwise it would probably be next xmas before he contacted me with his wishlist 😂

StSwithinsDay · 30/12/2024 22:48

Does he use WhatsApp? If so can you see when he was last online?
When mine have been travelling this has been very useful!

Cynic17 · 30/12/2024 22:52

You heard from him only 4 days ago! Why do you need to contact him again so soon? Even in an era of easy communications, it would be perfectly normal to not be in touch for a couple of weeks. Please don't be the oppressive, smothering parent, because that will just push him away.

Pamosonic · 30/12/2024 22:53

My brother does this with my mum. It drives her round the bend.

Cynic17 · 30/12/2024 22:54

I don't understand why - having been in touch on 26th - you texted him again the same evening. He's 24 - he's an adult. He doesn't need to tell his folks about every little thing he does.

StrawHatLuffy · 30/12/2024 22:57

I think I'd feel suffocated... or obligated and inconvenienced if my parents had been texting me as much tbh.

IKnowAristotle · 30/12/2024 23:02

Of course he's ok. Why wouldn't he be ok? He doesn't need checking on.

Do you genuinely think something would have happened to him or saying that so he feels obligated to reply?

Arraminta · 30/12/2024 23:04

Oh goodness, you really need to reign this in. You heard from him only a few days ago, didn't you? Both my adult DDs are younger than your DS and live a couple of hours away, but I certainly don't expect to hear from them every 2-3 days. They're busy adults, living their own lives now.

Please stop putting this pressure on your poor DS. I grew up with a mother who guilted me into keeping in touch far more than I thought was necessary. All it did was breed resentment and bitterness, is that really how you want your DS to feel about you?

MadridMadridMadrid · 31/12/2024 00:49

I can relate, OP! (My son is also 24.) I've explained that I really appreciate a reply to a text (even if it's just one word) just so I know he's OK. Given that your son lives alone, I think it's sensible to keep in touch on reasonably frequent basis.

Jk987 · 31/12/2024 01:21

Boxing Day morning AND evening? Then allowing yourself to think something bad has happened if no reply?

This is excessive OP.

I think you need some distractions in your life. New friends, pass times etc.

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