Godparents- how much contact do they have?

[Wizzardry]

I'm just sense checking this. My DD has 3 godparents. (She's an adult now by the way.) Two are brilliant, remember her birthday and Christmas, ask after her etc etc and sometimes message her. Neither lives near us.

The other godparent, who was a very close friend of mine at the time, does nothing. She's not sent a birthday card to DD for years and years, doesn't remember my birthday, hardly keeps in touch and I find it quite hurtful. She lives very long-distance from us. I've known her for 40 years.

I don't have much to compare with as my mum chose 'elderly friends' to be my godparents and they died when I was in my teens. They always remembered birthdays and Xmas, with a card and sometimes money. I used to send cards and 'thank you letters' to them.

I'm no longer into the religious aspect of being a godparent but I chose friends who I assumed would be a 'special friend' to DD and show some interest.

I'm a godparent and always send my godchild cards, presents, talk to her mum regularly about what they're up to (they now live overseas) and GD sends me cards and gifts too.

I don’t think any of us would take on godparent duties thinking it’s a short-term commitment. And whilst I do think it’s a relationship that is independent of the parent-child one, respectfully it’s hardly surprising there’s not much of a relationship with the godchild, if the relationship between the two friends (you & her) hasn’t lasted the time.

in practical terms, the law of averages would suggest 2 out of the 3 godparents maintaining a good relationship with their godchild is pretty good ….. unless you think your friendship is something that can be “resurrected” I’d focus on the other 2.

of my 2 godparents, one died young, but the other is amazing. My sister’s godparents were family / married couple …. One lovely and still in our lives, the other we’re far better off without (and has since died). Between us, both surviving godparents are now just good, valued people with a role in our family …I think that has been fostered regardless of the “godparent” title.

And whilst I do think it’s a relationship that is independent of the parent-child one, respectfully it’s hardly surprising there’s not much of a relationship with the godchild, if the relationship between the two friends (you & her) hasn’t lasted the time.

Thanks for your thoughts.

We're still friends and I remember her birthday every single year as I have for the last 40+ years since we first met in our teens. She hasn't remembered mine for many years.

2 out of 3 is pretty good! I think it's the law of averages that some godparents will be better than others, and sometimes the relationship will work whereas sometimes the godparent and godchild will turn out to have nothing in common.

Why do you bother to remember your friend's birthday if she doesn't bother with yours?

Is this friend religious and does she have god parents herself?

I never met my godparents, I don't think? My mum used to tell me every now and again that my godmother was going to leave me her house in her will, but that's all.

Your relationship with your godchild sounds lovely, but perhaps a bit more full on than is usual? Are they people that your DD could go to, if she needed to talk to someone who wasn't you?

Mine is 17, 18 summer 25.
Always birthday and Christmas gifts and cards. Attended birthday parties while they were a thing.

Did FHC and confirmation, obviously.

His parents are very old friends (30+ years), so we have seen them often over the years even though they live 2 hours away.

I see less of him now he is a teenager as we tend to see his parents alone more now. His brothers are both at uni in my town, do perhaps will do a bit more again.

I will always be in his life as his parents will be, how much will be up to him.

I just feel it's mean to behave tit for tat. I always remember her birthday and it's easy enough to send a card or whatever.

I'm in my twenties, and have contact with 3 out of 4 godparents. Mum wanted me to have a few since we have a pretty small family anyway.

2 of them I see a few times a year mainly because one is my dad's brother, and the other is my mum's best friend. The other one phones occasionally but visiting is tricky due to distance.

The only one I don't really have contact with anymore is mum's brother since my grandma passed away, as he just made the whole process afterwardsoand throughout so so stressful (basically I ended up on anti-depressants).

Technically, a Godparent commits to supporting their Godchild to grow in faith, support them on their Christian journey and prays for them. Birthday cards and presents are nice but it's not what they have committed to as a Godparent. If you think back to the promises they made at the Christening/Baptism it clarifies their role. You could ask them if they will do this but you seem to say you are not bothered about them fulfilling it when you say you are not bothered about the religious aspect of the role.

No not more full on than usual. But like any other valued relationship it takes effort from both sides. Personalities have a great deal to do with it and it goes without saying that ddifferent people will approach and maintain the relationship in different ways.

My only experience of “god parents” was my now exH being asked to be god father to our best man’s son. He showed up for the christening and never had any contact with the kid after that. He’s now nearly 30 😂

I am not religious but we wanted to pick adults who we felt had specific qualities and experiences for our kids guardians.
We talked it all through with them and they each made commitments as to what they would do / how they would be for our ids.
Each kid has 4, 2 male and 2 female.
Out of the 8, only 1 takes no real interest which is a surprise.the others are involved on differing levels from sending cards, to trips out, special treats etc.
Our eldest turns 18 this year and one of her guardians told us recently that she will be getting a few thousand pounds to invest. Totally unexpected but appreciated. Our younger girl also has a trust fund set up by one of her guardians and another is takjng her glamping at a festival.

I am a guardian to a friends son. I see him.about once a month and around 4 times a year we have a special day out. I got him junior driving lessons for his 13th and am.taking him there for the next few weeks. We always sit and chat/ catch up. We're going paddleboardjng at Easter.
I thought long and hard about accepting the request to be a guardian and said no recently to another pal as i felt I couldn't give her daughter the same amount of time and didn't want to shirk my role

I would say 2 GP's (couple) don't make any effort whatsoever and don't really "support" DC in any way. Sees them about once per year (and nothing to do with the effort they have made). Another GP couple does, and shows more interest, see more regularly.

Well, most of my children's godparents are our siblings so they have been very involved all along. The 3 that were close friends were all absolutely useless and we don't even see any of them nowadays anyway. One did send their Godchild $500 when they turned 18 and then messaged me a day after the 18th birthday with a scathing email about how they hadn't had a thank you note yet.

I'm a Godparent to 2 now adult kids and I'm really close to both of them, even though we live in different countries. One of them has turned to me for advice over the years but I'm not sure their parents always appreciated the advice I gave! 😂

I would have loved to maintain a relationship with my godchild after they became an adult, but sadly they have no interest whatsoever in that!

It does take two when they are grown adults.

I had good godparents. One is a relative I see regularly, and one has since died, the third always remembers my birthday but I haven’t seen her for years.

On the other hand, I have three godchildren. Two I send presents and cards to, the other I keep up with on FB. I wish I hadn’t agreed to one of them, their mother is way too intense about it.

Didn’t get my kids christened as I don’t believe in god. Don’t think two of the parents of my godchildren do either so I think it’s a bit of a farce for most people.

I was asked to be a godparent to a friend’s kid. I said I couldn’t, because I don’t believe in god. She said that didn’t matter and all I had to do was send him birthday presents. So that’s what I did. I stopped when he was 18. Not seen him for years.

My children's godparents have no contact with them. Knowing who they are, I suspect they would still pray for them, which is probably appropriate and enough.

I have 2 but they are my aunt's anyway. My dc don't have any godparents. Godparents are supposed to help give a child spiritual guidance etc, nothing to do with getting birthday cards etc.

The original point of godparents was to make sure that the religious upbringing was kept up throughout the child’s life as far as I know. Nowadays that’s pretty much null and void so it’s just really a lovely sentiment- so be as involved or not as you wish. I once had to tell someone no it doesn’t mean you get the child if something happens to the parents- otherwise all of my children would go to different homes!!!

My God parents were my 2 Aunties and an Uncle. When I was little I truly believed they were my fairy Godmothers. They took me to Saturday morning cinema, took me out for walks and bought me sweets, took me to the beach, on holiday with them and read me so many bedtime stories. My Uncle also always remembered my birthday bought me sparklers on fireworks night, took me to the fair and the circus once and to London once on a train. I remained very close to them all my life. I only found out my Aunties were not fairy Godmothers when I turned 7 and my older sister told me they were just ordinary Godmothers. I chose my younger sister to be Godmother to all 3 of my DC and if anything had happened to me and DH when they were young she would have taken them to live with her. I am a Godmother to 3 nephews and if anything had happened to their parents I'd have taken them to live with me. I always remember their birthdays and Xmas and now they have DC of their own I buy gifts for them. I've left them money in my will.

I felt honored to be asked to be a godparent to 2 children. Both are 2nd cousin's children. 1 family live abroad- where I grew up and I might see every 1-2 yrs. The other lives in the UK, but due to distance, only see once/twice a year.

TBH- Since reading similar threads, it seems its a more religious direction than a gift giving role. I was mid 20's when I was asked and really didn't know what my role was. 😬I have always given both Christmas and birthday presents to them. Both families then had 2 further children and although I'm not their godparent, I too started sending gifts for those children too. I realise this is my issue, but once I'd started- felt I couldn't suddenly stop. I now have 6 children/teens I send both Christmas and birthday gifts/money too! I don't even send gifts to closer cousin's children which I know sounds ridiculous, but looking back, I should never have started with the godchildren's siblings too. I just wrongly assumed it was wrong to send to 1 child and not the other.

When my first godchild turned 18, I gave a more significant birthday gift of £100. I contacted him a month later asking whether he'd actually received it and heard nothing. When I next saw him, I asked again, and heard a huff and a mutter. No thank you for the past 18yrs of sending money and gifts- nothing!

If your DD is now an adult- how long do you expect the godparents to still send cards/gifts for her birthday and Christmas? Does she send them cards or acknowledge gifts from them?

Just because you put importance on 'sending birthday cards' many don't. Personally I think its a waste if time which is just as well as only one out of my 3 kids have ever sent me a bcard. There are far more important things to worry about than bcards and it seems like you only send to receive.

I can’t personally remember who my godparents were but I recall my youngest sister had my mums cousin as a godparent. She seemed to be the only godparent that bothered which meant my youngest sister always got gifts and cards off of her and me and my other sisters missed out. My DS isn’t christened and my friend who has 2 DC hasn’t christened her children either but we both give gifts to each others DC because we are friends and that’s the kind thing to do when we are part of the children’s lives.

Your friend sounds like someone who has decided not to do birthday cards. That you still want to send her one is up to you, but it won’t change what she does.