Dd does my head in

[Justamoan33]

This is just a rant really.

Dd is 27 sometimes she does my head in. She sends me long paragraphs about how ill she is . I feel so ill my head hurts , I'm coughing my nose it blocked. Me to her have you taken paracetamol and ibuprofen. Dd yes... when did you take it . Dd last night before bed... ffs why she banging on at me when she's does fuck all to help herself today.

She has a driving test today its her 3rd one she's worried she's going to fail because she feels ill . Has she done anything to help herself nope.... i say that apprently now I have told her to shes going to take something for it .

She's same with her children she will message me long paragraphs about how the kids are not well. And I go through the same questions have you given calpol /ibuprofen. No she has not so then I have to tell her well give them some give it time to set in bla bla.

I know people do say when they feel unwell and feeling shit I get that but dd does fuck all to help herself before some long arse conversation about really basic stuff that I should not have to tell her over and over again.

She's probably just wanting some support from her parent. Is it a big enough deal you need to start a thread about it?

Well it sounds very similar to your posting style so she’s probably inherited it from you.

Did you read it was just a rant im sure there's lots of threads that don't need to be here .

It's very different to do something to help yourself then have a moan about how ill /rough we feel i get that . But she dies nothing and uts repeat repeat. She should know tp do basic things

My sister is the exact same. She's always ill, have you taken anything? No. It's not just that though she's incapable of doing anything herself and lacks critical thinking, so messages me and I have to help her.

How long and how high do I cook this 2kg Turkey, do I put anything on it, do I turn it? on Xmas day. Well you could Google it like I will have to, to find the cooking time. It's non stop and worse now my mums passed away last year. She's 34 years old in a couple of days. You have my sympathy.

OP, you seem to understand about venting.

Clearly your daughter doesn’t want you to fix her troubles, she just wants a bit of sympathy from her mum.
You know, kind of what you’re looking for here…

🙄

Unnecessary.

I get it because she should just know to take something or Medicate her children etc. it’s not rocket science.

I have a grown family member who messages me asking how to work out percentages. You have my sympathy!

To be fair I would not mind the turkey question . That's probably because I'm nlt good at cooking 😅. But the paracetamol/ibuprofen thing pisses me of . Take something then rant 🤣

Sorry to hear about your mum. 💐

Thank you . We all moan I get that. I'm doing it now . But at least take something then moan. Its very basic stuff .

Change your approach to the msgs, try 'ah your poor thing, try to rest if you can' and see if she just wants a moan and something. DP moans like this, as do some of my work colleagues and taking something to help with the headache etc just isn't on their wavelength at all, I don't understand it. I'm not one to go running for painkillers or to be a martyr, but if I was to stay off work every time I had a bad sinus headache they d all be screwed

I dunno, it is annoying but is she actually asking for advice or just offloading because it’s rubbish? I think wallowing a bit when you’re ill is normal to an extent. You don’t have to advise, you could just go for “sorry you’re feeling rubbish xxx”

Don’t you read through your message before posting it?

I have a friend that does this.

Once I’ve ascertained it’s a minor illness and not something she needs help to get to hospital/A&E/urgent care for, I rotate replies between

”Oh you poor thing, hope you feel better very soon” and

“Aw, that sounds awful, bug hugs”

and leave it at that. I do of course offer suitable listening ear and support for other things, she is just a bit of a hypochondriac.

"Sorry you/your kids are sick. Feel better soon".

If she texts to complain again you say a variation of the same thing. "Ah that's crap, you'll be on the mend soon".

But you’re enabling her by repeatedly telling her to take paracetamol etc. Tell her ‘You know what I’d do’ and move on. This reminds me of a family member who phoned her mum to say she’s ruined the dinner (easily replaceable oven ready thing). I have no idea what she wanted her mum to do! Just think it was a rant.

I can sympathise OP. My eldest DS is the same and it drives me crazy. He constantly messages how ill he is or tired he is. I’m sympathetic but like yours he doesn’t help himself. I blame myself as I was a helicopter mother (hands up, my bad) but he’s now 30!! 😂😂

Must be very annoying to have somebody constantly going on about how awful things are. Maybe she just wants you to say something nice to her about how great a job she is doing/to feel like she gets some attention?

You could try encouraging her to look for advice outside such as on the internet, so that it's not always you expected to answer her random complaints and frustrations, especially as some are child related - she'd probably benefit from some of the boards here, for example.

I get you, OP! DH often gets blocked sinus headache. Every single time he says he has a terrible headache, he's in agony. I say Have you taken anything?
No, what shall I take?

Now I just say Take what I've told you to take every other time you've asked.

Illness makes some adults revert to being children.

I do get it. I think we all do it . When we are not well we say things like i feel so shit . My throat is killing etc etc . I do get that . But message to me will fill half my phone screen.

Sometimes her child is ill or in pain . She will message telling me he's been screaming constantly for 4 hours she can't cope anymore. Me have you given him calpol . Her no. So for 4hrs the child had been in pain or ill and she's made no effort to give calpol.

Even this morning phoned me to tell me her kitchen was flooding there's water everywhere its rising in the sink and flooding omg. She was proper shouting . I said is your washing machine on. She says yeah (I'm wanting her to turn it of) but she starts going on about she hasn't done a wash in about 4 or 5 days because she's been ill . She's so pissed of she needs clothes and clean bedding etc etc. She was really going on. I tried to cut in and she went let me finish what im saying . In the mean time water is still pissing all over her floor 🤦‍♀️

She sounds like she wants you to come and do it all for her, rather than venting. That would get on my nerves a lot.

Sounds to me she's reaching out for a mum as opposed to anything else, wants that kind of ping pong communication and maybe 'saving'

I'm pretty guilty of doing the same if I just want to feel even more loved.

Did she pass her driving test?

No she did not