How can I find some way of looking forward to the new year?

[thefamilyofthings]

This has not been the greatest Christmas ever - nor the worst - and I've realised that part of the problem is that I don't have anything to look forward to in 2025.

There's a whole heap of reasons for this; our DD and only child is 18 and so this year consists of shepherding her through A Levels and then waving her off to university. Which is incredibly positive but also a huge loss.

With all of that in mind, I've been trying to build up my own life and work over the last few years but in the last few months it''s all fallen apart. I've been shunted out of the company I helped found (a long story but unbelievably stressful for most of this year). I also write (doesn't pay the bills but I love it) and the company who was going to publish my next book looks as though it's going to go bust.

I know I can sort all of this out in the end - I will work as a freelancer and this will be fine and can probably get some kind of book out somehow. But I am not sure I have the energy to do this; to write the letters and set up the website and make the content. It feels as though everything I put any effort into falls apart and I am not sure why I would want to try all over again. And I am starting to spiral into low mood and anxiety. There may be some post-viral shit in here too as I had the terrible cold/flu in late November

By way of a disclaimer, I know I am in many ways very lucky - I have money and a roof over my head and my health and I try to be grateful for this, but this doesn't seem to be working at the moment. I am also going for long walks and trying to do yoga.

So if you've been in this kind of place, any simple tips of how to make the next year seem worth having would be hugely appreciated.

Bizarrely, when I’m in a similar place, I find it easier to get out of the funk by doing something to help others.
Maybe it’s because I shift the focus from navel gazing and feeling a bit sorry for myself to being grateful for what I have.
it doesn’t have to be a grand gesture- I might do a little shop for the food bank, take time to meet a friend and treat them to coffee and cake, clear out useful bits to take to a charity shop/ donate to raffles and tombolas or make a few bits (I’m crafty) to donate to fundraising causes

i hope you’re feeling better soon, you’ve had lots to contend with. Above everything else, be kind to yourself ❤️

That's a good idea - I could walk up to the supermarket this afternoon and do a shop for the food bank.

Seriously, this is exactly the kind of thing I wanted, thank you. I know there are things I can do but I am finding it hard to think of them myself. I have been tidying out drawers a bit (cleaning out my workspace for the new year seemed like a good idea) but I think focusing outward is good.

I always like to have a trip to look forward to, could be just a weekend or a “proper holiday”. Even if it some time away I like to spend time researching and planning. I know how lucky I am and it’s not what would make everyone happy but I do feel a bit flat if I haven’t got at least a few trips in my flight app.

It might not work for you but I found doing an online exercise to find my Core Values helped me.

By knowing your core values it helps you choose what actions will bring most satisfaction/ meaning to your life.

Theres also IKIGAI - a way to bring meaning to your life. Traditionally it was finding pleasures in small things - but it’s also been morphed into finding your passion/meaning, there’s usually a Venn diagram shown.

I’m in your situation and trying to get out of my ‘funk’ even though my life is really OK.

@Imgoingtobefree This does sound interesting - do you have a link to the one you used? And funk is a good word for it.

@Flatandhappy Unfortunately the work situation means that abroad isn't going to happen until the summer, but I might try and book a weekend away in the UK, thank you.

I’m sorry I can’t remember, it was one my therapist used.

But there’s loads online - I think you just have to trawl through them til you find one that feels right.

Any other thoughts much appreciated.

If your DD is going away to university, one of the things that I have really enjoyed about mine going is getting to know a new city that I have come to love. When I go, I stay in a cheap-ish hotel for a night or two so I spend a bit of time with her and then a bit of time wandering around by myself and sometimes meeting up with other people there I know, so that might be something to look forward to.

I actually moved from being self-employed to having a job this year, and it's lifted such a weight off me because I just go to work, do something that I enjoy, come home, and don't worry about it. It's freed up so much headspace to be able to do other things. Working for yourself is hard!

@KnutsfordCityLimits Good name. Used to live in Macclesfield as a teenager - which means if DD goes to Manchester as she plans, I will have to adapt your idea to visit old friends instead...

You get to visit your dd at university 😊. Someone wise told me that there are times when it feels if your life is disintegrating around you. It’s generally followed by a time of building up. From what you have written you might need something more meaningful in addition to the walks and the yoga. Keep an eye out for things which spark some joy for you. ‘Finding your North Star’ by Martha Beck is also a good read for pulling you out of a gloomy place.
Maybe get some writing support too. And do some journaling if you don’t already.
Plan some small fun stuff - trying a new recipe, going to see a film, whatever takes a bit of effort, but might bring you some enjoyment.

I have a ds the same age as your dd and also about to take the A levels in May/June next year. He is my youngest and so the last child to leave home for university.

I find it therapeutic to start throwing/filing/archiving all the school, admin and other paperwork even from GCSE. The dcs generate so much guff and it is lying all over the house making me stressed. A tidy living areas brings peace and zen.

De-cluttering and cleaning also makes me feel good.

You could also gather up digital photos in their various places/devices and print out some photo albums, including those of your dd when she was little. This has always been my long term project but I have never found the time.

Ticking off long term chores makes me happy.

Phone a friend you haven't spoken to for a while. Arrange to have a coffee or drink with a friend in the next few weeks. You say our DD so I assume you have a partner. Can you book in some activities you enjoy? Gigs, theatre, some things to look forward to?

Manchester's fab, it's where my DD is, some things are the same (Afflecks!) but other bits have changed massively (DD is hoping for a fancy flat in Ancoats next year). And yeah, the name comes from driving up the M6 😁.

The other thing I've enjoyed recently is tennis, I'm pretty crap, but I really enjoy it and it's a sociable thing to do. I loved playing as a child but we could never afford lessons, and whilst DD was at home (and I was caring for DM) it was difficult to do anything reliably, but her having left has opened the opportunity to do a regular class. I'd like to pick up music again too. It feels a bit of a cliche of what you liked doing as a child that you could do now (or when your DD leaves) but it seems to have worked for me.

Thank you everyone. I will experiment with some of these.

@Catsnap I've found that on the Internet Archive and have already started reading it. And yes, all being well I do get to visit her and this is good.

@KnutsfordCityLimits I used to live in Afflecks when I was DD's age, perhaps I can revisit the dodgy goth part of my earlier life when she goes off to uni... I will think about what I want to take up again. Probably walking.