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Is this a normal feeling?

2 replies

Charmainereeg · 28/12/2024 16:13

For background I’m NC with my mother as she abused and neglected me as a child. It took many years for me to find the courage to stop contact and when I did I felt relief.
I went through the normal stages of anger that she treated me that way and no one helped me, to sadness that I’ve never experienced a mothers love, to eventually not caring at all and feeling free.
I heard from a relative my mother is very alone these days, no one has contact with her anymore and she was alone at Christmas without so much as a window light (she used to go ott on decorations). For some reason this made me feel quite sad and felt sorry for her. I have no idea why as anyone willing to hurt a child deserves pain and sadness.
I don’t know if this is just me being a sympathetic person or if it’s a sign I haven’t moved on fully?
i had counselling for years but it didn’t help. I’m still on anti-d’s. I hadn’t thought about her for a long time until the comment (which was told to me in humour as the relative despises her too).
im not sure how to process these feelings. I don’t want anything to do with her and I’d never contact her again.

OP posts:
DazedAndConfused321 · 28/12/2024 16:19

It's a sign that you're a good person. Only good people feel sympathy for those who have hurt them this deeply.

She will always be your mum for better and for worse, so there will always be a biological link between you. It doesn't mean you owe her sympathy, but it may explain it a little.

I'm proud of you for choosing the best path and keeping yourself safe from her, and I'm so very sorry you've had to experience abuse at the hands of your own mother. You are utterly blameless x

slightlydistrac · 28/12/2024 16:41

The sadness and sorrow you feel is for the mother you should have had, and how your relationship should have been, rather than the one you actually got.

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