How to support my son? [Content warning: contains suicide] Title edited by MNHQ

[Chocbuttonsandredwine]

I know. Posting here for traffic.

ds(16) saw a person hit by a train this morning.

he seems ok in himself. Ish. This just seems so far outside of what I ever thought of have to support him with.

yes I’m gutted for the person and their family but at the most all I. An think about is da and how to support him through this. He saw it all.

any advice would be appreciated

As long as he knows that he can come to you any time, that's all you really need to do as a parent.

Make it clear that you’re open to him talking if he wants, or not. Let him feel however he feels - it’s a hugely traumatic thing to witness.

Check in with him over the next few days and keep an eye on how he’s sleeping.

If it becomes clear, in time, that he’s struggling to lose intrusive thoughts about what he saw - for a while this is completely normal and probably unavoidable- then offering some counselling or (probably more usefully) a short CBT course to help him manage this, He may not need that.

Let him talk about it. He may keep repeating the same thing over and over again. If he's in shock, a hot sweet tea and keep him warm.

If he suffers flashbacks etc then perhaps EMDR would help. He could contact Young Minds to talk about it.

There's a lot of information here from Mind.

You might find this advice from Mind helpful. I’m so very sorry for your DS. What a horrible experience. Don’t be surprised if it takes him a while to process what he’s seen. He may feel embarrassed to talk about how he’s feeling, or ashamed of his reactions (this is a particular problem for young men) so it’s great that he has someone who’s really invested in supporting him.

I think you just have to let him know that you are there for him. When my ds2 was 17 ( he is almost 24 now) he was out with a small group of friends and witnessed one of his friends killed by a speeding car when crossing the road. It was horrific and he then had to go to court as a witness about a year or so later. he has never really talked about it much since although I'm sure he does with the other friends who witnessed it. We offered to pay for him to see a counsellor some months later but he did not want to. He did get some pastoral support at his college. It is very hard op and I hope your son accepts help if he wants it.

Keep the lines of communication open OP and your DS know he can talk to you when he feels ready. Speak to mind, they can help. Sorry your DS witnessed this. X

Meant to add, my BIL was a long distant train driver. Someone committed suicide in front of his train. He had counselling but was off sick for a year. This was over 20 years ago. Feel sorry for the person who was desperate enough to end their life, their family and anyone who witnessed it as it makes you feel helpless.

There are helpline that he can call to make sense of it all. I called one at midnight under slightly different, but related circumstances. The person on the other end was incredibly helpful. Her calm rationally lifted a lot of the trauma from me, and she unwittingly provided a kind of mantra that I could remind myself of whenever the memory popped into my head again.

I can't remember who I called (my brain was fried, obv) but it might have just been the Samaritans. A quick Google will bring up other 24 hours helplines though, one of them, I think, is particularly aimed at friends/family/witnesses to suicide or suicidal ideation.

I honestly think it's easier to talk to an anonymous person who is trained in this area, than to talk to a family member. No-one in my family knows anything about the situation I was involved with. They'd have been too emotional about it, and possibly judgemental about the person involved.

So yes, make it clear that he can talk to you, but be aware that you might not be the best person.

Absolutely and I hate to detract away from the pain and suffering of the person and family