Do you see family on Christmas day, or spend it alone?

[Shufflebumnessie]

Sorry, not too sure how to title this question but interested to see what others do.

DH & I have been married for 17 years. In that time we've spent 3 Christmas on our own. One was our first married Christmas, (but mainly because I had to be up for work at 4am on Boxing Day). One was when I had to work Christmas Day (but we travelled to my parents on Boxing Day) & one was the year we all had Covid (& had to cancel hosting).

Prior to having children we'd alternate years between our parents. After children, we've hosted everyone at our house most years.

Since DD 7 was born, the only year we've not hosted family for Christmas was the one we had covid.

My in-laws aren't really an issue. They come to us for Christmas day most years (although some times choose to spend it at home, or go away) & live about 30 mins away so only stay for the day.
However my parents live about 3 hours away and like to come for a few days. They're never actually invited but just assume we want them to visit for Christmas. For various reasons they always put a real dampner on the Christmas enjoyment & we never relax until they leave.

TBH, after this year's stressful visit we all (DH, DS, DD & I) have decided we'd like next Christmas to ourselves. We'll offer to go & stay with my parents before Christmas so they could see the children etc.
My in-laws will be quite happy to accept our decision, but my mum will take it very personally (& probably drop in a few guilt trips about how they could be dead soon!).

How do you juggle seeing family over the festive period? Do people stay? Do you you spend the day just you/partner/children?
Do you alternate years?

Interested to see how other families do it.

Just me and the children (no partner) and I don’t see any family.

We see my parents and DH's parents (now just his mum) alternate years. Usually we host, but now DH's mum finds it too hard to travel to us so we go to her. Some years it's just us (me, DH, three DC) and our parent(s), other years we have a big group with cousins etc too (not our siblings as they're on a different 'schedule'). We've never had Christmas just the five of us except 2020 (Covid).

Alone. Always. Made the "no family at Xmas" rule 30+ years ago, and stuck to it. (Did have a couple of years with friends tho!).

Do it you won't look back. It's so liberating, you are supposed to look forward to Xmas not dread it

We always have my parents over (local) and visit the ILs between Christmas and NY (not local). The only time we haven't done this was 2020, we are all in agreement that Christmas isn't the same without extended family. I grew up always having big extended family Christmases and loved it. I'd never choose to not see our families.

I would love to spend Christmas alone. Ideally with a turkey sandwich, a mince pie and a flask of hot chocolate up on a mountain top somewhere.

But instead, I see family, grit my teeth and smile through all the bickering and try not to clock-watch until it's all over for another year.

Always with extended family, either at theirs or hosting at ours. They all live at least 3 and a half hours from us. We did Christmas alone one year and all 4 of us agreed it was boring and big anticlimax. Never doing that again!

Just us on Christmas Day, has been since we had our first. It’s relaxed and not overwhelming for small children. We love it.

We still see everyone over the Christmas period, but we keep that day just for us.

June me and my cat 🐈 Christmas, New Year

I have a no one in and no one out rule. No one “visits” and we don’t visit people. Why be nice to people i usually can’t even be in the room with most of the year, just for one day because “it’s Christmas”!!! We may pop to the local pub with the kids. I’m that adamant I don’t do the family thing on Xmas day I’ve started booking to go away for the 4/5 days. If my partner wants to go seeing people on Xmas Eve or Boxing Day he can do…. Alone. I’ll stay in with the kids watching films or wrapping etc. Spent waaaaay too many years having to suffer my ex MIL and her strange partner staying for days, pissing on the sofa and ending the day crying cos she’s going home shortly!!!! One year I even turned the ovens off and ordered fried chicken as I wasn’t being dictated to about how to spend my Xmas. Our sons first one we went abroad. I also time most family holidays around major family birthdays so I don’t have to be involved!!! His family not mine!!!

Big family get together. Covid Christmas by ourselves was pleasant but not as much fun and we really missed all the family.
Would rather not do it again.

My mum and brother come to ours. It’s getting harder and harder each year as they are both really draining. My mum hardly says a word and shows little interest in me or the children. She sits there all day scrolling on her phone engrossed in Facebook and not participating.

My brother talks incessantly but is extremely negative and everything and everywhere is “shit”. He’s barely done anything in his life but thinks he knows about everything. I’m pretty sure he’s on the spectrum as he has no social awareness and doesn’t pick up on cues from people.

For the past few years I’m glad once they’ve left but by the time the next Xmas rolls around the guilt sets in and they end up coming again.

For the last 5 or 6 years it was just the 4 of us but before that we ran around like nutters trying to keep everyone happy.
This year we decided to agree to spend it with SIL, MIL and the rest of DH's lot. It was Ok but I think we will go back to just us 4 next year.

DH, myself, oldest DD(25) and her boyfriend. We ate out though. Hassle free.

Alone, we don't like many people

Used to be 5 of us (me, DH, DD16, DM & DF) but for the last couple of years DM hasn’t been able to manage stairs so it’s just the 3 of us. We visit DM & DF either Christmas Day or Boxing Day as they only live 10 or 15 minutes drive away. We haven’t seen extended family at Christmas for a few years now.

does everyone on MN hate their relatives? There’s such a big difference between “our little family” meaning the kids you have made, and “the rest”… they are kids other people made too. Our grandparents are our family, our aunts are family, our in laws are family, I just don’t understand. Plus we spend MOST of our time all year and on holiday with our children, it’s something special to bring everyone together for a change.

Me, my parents and my sister/her family live about 10 mins from each other. We see each other at Christmas. All do Christmas mornings in our own homes, then go to my mum's for about 3pm, have presents and dinner about 5pm, home for about 9pm.

Me, DH and The DC are family
The rest are just relatives

I don't get it either, seeing the wider family is an integral part of Christmas for me, otherwise it would just be like any other Sunday but with presents. They aren't just relatives to me, they are all part of the family. I can understand it if relationships are difficult, if space is limited or if there are family members who'd find it overwhelming but find it odd to spend it alone otherwise. It does sound as though in the OPs case there are difficulties in the relationships in which case it's quite understandable.

Just me, OH, and the 2 children over Christmas. Has not changed in 28 years.

We have small families. Both of our sets of parents have passed away. We visit my sister for an hour or so on Christmas morning. This year we just had lunch ourselves (me dh and two kids) and it was fine. DH is estranged from his family.