What is a normal parent to adult child relationship?

[Edel12345]

I’m just realising that I don’t know what a normal parent to adult child relationship should be My DH had a difficult childhood but had a good relationship with his parents (now passed). One of my parents is now passed and the other ( I won’t say which to avoid any chance of being recognised) is a narcissist who had a difficult childhood that resulted in them not being normal in some ways. It’s only now I’m really realising how odd our relationship is My parent comes to visit and really takes over the conversation with negative talk (basically anything they don’t agree with) and I sit there like a child letting them just rant on for hours no one getting a word in all about them. They aren’t nasty or manipulative like some
narcissistic parents but it’s their opinion or none Music for example only the music they like is good music everything else is noise they subject people to their lectures on everything and of course they are an authority on everything. They never really ask how I am how my kids are apart from a token how is everyone … but then it’s back to all about them and their stories

anyway I guess I wonder how people in normal parent child relationship would act I just get frustrated but sit there and listen but my DH has told me I need to tell my parent this isn’t acceptable and tell them to stop or else … it’s tough … it’s a nightmare to have my parent around sometimes but I just do it as they have no one else and I feel guilty

I am starting to see that I don’t know what is normal … I may delete this after so please don’t quote me as I don’t want to be recognised

but so help me understand …

My goodness OP, I could have written your post. I have a very difficult, negative parent who is not a bad person but has sadly never overcome their own difficult childhood. It's only since having children of my own that I've realised just how odd they are.

Things I am conscious to do/not do with my own children, which are the opposite to what my parent did:

I generally speak positively about people/things
I encourage my children's friendships
I prioritise my own friendships too
I don't expose my children to strong adult emotions
I encourage my children to develop their own styles, tastes, opinions etc and am interested rather than critical when they are different to my own
I try to be open minded and not judgemental
I don't talk negatively about myself in front of them
I try to model dealing with things in a healthy way rather than catastrophising
I don't threaten to leave them or kill myself when I am feeling low
I make sure my children know that although I love them deeply, I have other sources of fulfilment in my life and I'm not dependent on them emotionally

There are lots more but those are the things I can think of off the top of my head.

I'm not perfect and no doubt I am making plenty of mistakes of my own (in fact I know I am) but hopefully my children will feel safer and more secure than I did.

God sorry OP I've just realised I didn't read your post properly. You are asking specifically how to navigate your relationship with your parent now that you are aware that it isn't a "normal" adult child relationship.

Unfortunately that's something I am still struggling with myself so I can't really help. I do call out certain very negative behaviours, but it's difficult because the parent doesn't react well and I'm conscious that they are very unlikely to change, so the pragmatic thing to do is just let as much as possible slide and make a mental note to avoid repeating the pattern with my own children. I also limit the time I spend with them and avoid certain topics of conversation. It's sad though and I almost always feel crap after being in their company.

Thank you sunisastar for your reply
I feel exactly how you describe I feel so many emotions but guilt is the main one as I feel my parent won’t change now and me calling it out will only make things worse

i do wonder though what would Happen in a normal relationship if a parent was taking over a dinner table conversation for example would an adult child call it out ?