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How do you deal with lonely relatives

3 replies

Christmassocksareon · 27/12/2024 00:59

Hi,

I'll give a little background.

DH and I have been together years, he has two sisters.

We are the only ones with kids.

One of DH's sisters works in hospitality and is single, the other has a boyfriend, although they haven't been together for long. MIL and I get on generally well and she is a good grandparent to my kids. She has been single for years.

It has became really apparent lately, she is becoming lonely. Although she would never admit this. We usually see her every week or every other week, we both work full time.

MIL has always been a bit difficult at times. When it came to Christmas and New Year plans, as one of my SIL's was working Christmas day she asked that we all got together on boxing day as SIL was off. DH explained we would come, but he is on 24 hour call, so he may need to cancel last minute. DH said she said 'please come, otherwise I won't have all of my kids together for Christmas' and was moody when he reiterated he would try to make it but couldn't guarantee.

Just to add we spent part of Christmas day with her and other SIL also.

Christmas day was busy, I just wanted to spend boxing day letting the children play with their toys.

Every year it gets worse.

I also have family to see and spend time with.

Whatever we do, we'll never make MIL happy because she wants everything her way.

Don't get me wrong, I know it comes from her being lonely and I do feel for her.

How do you handle family like this?

Honestly I feel like saying next year, me DH and the kids will just spend it at home and won't be going anywhere or hosting.

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 27/12/2024 01:18

You just have to lay out clearly and early what you’ll be doing eg we’re going to host C’mas day - everyone welcome, hope you’ll all come, Boxing Day we’re having a quiet day with the kids. For anyone who can’t make Christmas, let’s sort out a pub lunch on the 27th or 28th etc.

You have to have boundaries or other people will impose their own on you

HotBath · 27/12/2024 01:20

I thought you were going to say she phones seven times a day and calls in all the time for hours. Wanting to spend one day at Christmas with her children doesn’t sound particularly demanding to me, or ‘lonely’.

echt · 27/12/2024 02:09

Where are you getting the lonely from? What your MIL is doing can't be ascribed to loneliness.

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