Advice on how to deal with my DM

[teenboymom]

My DM is in early 70s. She does have kidney disease and will be starting dialysis in the next year or two. She only had bloods done last week and her function is still the same as it was for last two years.
She also has arthritis. She is getting physio for that but is using a stick and in a lot of pain with it.

She has always had health anxiety but doesn't believe she does. I did suffer before myself with it postpartum and it was awful but the difference is, I could rationalise it and knew it was my anxiety where she won't admit she has it. I did counselling to overcome it but she won't see anyone as doesn't believe it's a problem.

She has a vomitting bug at the minute. She has vomitted a couple of times the last couple of days but she always thinks the worst and wants me to bring her to A&E and she feels it's her kidney failing.

I suggested it could be just a bug and she gets so annoyed with me if I go against her. She googles everything and vomitting can come with kidney failure but this sounds like a bug.

This is a regular occurrence, if she has any ailment she jumps straight to kidney failure.

She is going to go to A&E and Put staff at risk of catching bug but also probably waiting for hours to be seen.

Before her kidney disease got bad, it was her heart. She would regularly ring me saying she was breathless and chest pain...funnily she hasn't had any heart ailments since her kidney issue..anyway it's very difficult as she gets really annoyed with me if I disagree with her.

Well actually if she becomes dehydrated/ hypovolaemic due to vomiting on top of her existing renal disease she could go into acute renal failure and need urgent haemofiltraton or urgent dialysis especially if she is on certain meds eg ramipril - or the vomiting can be a symptom of rising urea so better to be assessed when unwell

Sorry I should have said, she has only vomited three times over 4 days. And she is eating small amounts and drinking.

I think it's worth checking that her urea hasn't risen causing the nausea/vomiting at least with the GP as an appointment on the day.
The problem is renal failure can significantly worsen with fairly minimal symptoms during an intermittent illness, largely due to the effects of medications which then worsen the renal function tipping into a dangerous situation and high potassium etc
Can she call the GP today or has she already gone to AE?

She's fine, feeling much better today. As suspected it was a tummy bug.

It's difficult with serious underlying illness. I'd suggest making an action plan with her for the various scenarios so she doesn't panic

To be fair to your DM impending dialysis is a pretty big deal. I’m sure she will settle into a routine quickly but it’s a massive change of lifestyle. I think she’s wise wanting to preserve her remaining kidney function as long as she can. Dehydration can affect the kidneys greatly especially if you have chronic kidney disease. I think you are being a bit dismissive of her concerns

I don't understand what your problem is,I'm 20 years younger and through no fault of my own,have lead a very healthy life ,now have severe kidney disease,it is the silent killer,and your mother is justified to feel scared,it's complicated,and the Nhs leave you,and do t inform you until your stage 4,but you could have done so much more if you had been told at stage 1,absolutely disgusting. I'm sick to death of ageist bashing of mother bashing on here,you will be old too one day,and if anything you will probably inherit her diseases.
So get informed,get a heart and some sympathy and get some respect for the person who brought you into this world,because right now she is scared.

It’s not health anxiety when there is actually something seriously medically wrong. It would be odd if she wasn’t worried. As previous posters have said, she should get in touch with her renal unit if she has v & d for more than 48 hours.

Unfortunately in our family we have first hand experience of kidney disease and kidney transplant. It’s brutal and pernicious.
Having been on this journey with a loved one and looking back I’d say this is probably as well as she is going to be before dialysis. However depressing that feels. Now is the time for getting out and about and holidays if possible.
The NHS is not much help until the very end stage where medical help is needed. But there are things that can be done to slow the progression and to lessen the amount of medication before dialysis. Following a kidney friendly diet and in the later stages avoiding some foods all together. Also demineralising food.
End stage kidney disease is frightening and comes with extreme fatigue and brain fog.
Kidney Care UK is a great charity with volunteers who have experience of the disease. They are a great resource. There are also some good facebook groups of people with lived experience.

I understand that you think your mum has health anxiety. But remember both things can be true. She can have health anxiety and kidney failure. Please don’t dismiss her concerns and gently help her with any lifestyle changes she can make that can help her and relieve some of the problems that unfortunately are coming her way.

For yourself - kidney disease can be inherited so keep an eye on your blood pressure ( an early indication of kidney disease) and ask your GP for an egfr reading every few years. Limit your use of NSAIDS and arm yourself with knowledge about looking after your kidneys.

People aren't listening to op. It's perfectly possible to have an illness AND have chronic health anxiety. The latter was there before the former.
OP is not ignoring her mother's illness, she's correctly differentiating between the illness and the anxiety.

She has kidney failure, painful arthritis and is currently ill. Although it probably is just a bug, cut her some slack. I’d be anxious too under the circumstances you’ve described.

Sorry I only checked back on this. I probably didn't explain properly. This is years and years of health anxiety. Yes she has kidney disease and I support her 100% with it, I attend apts, I never dismiss her fears and am the only one she talks to about it. I see my mother every single day. But having had years and years of her experiencing health anxiety, it sometimes takes its toll.

She is not in Uk and has excellent care. She sees her team regularly and has access to renal nurse whenever needed