Sheltered childhood

MJconfessions · 2024-12-26T17:24:21+00:00

I’m in my 20s and in a weird space where I can contrast my Christmases as an adult in my own home vs as a child. It’s made me think I had a sheltered childhood, anyone else? Growing up my parents had decent incomes, but refused to spend it. They are extremely tight. My parents took me to the cinema once, we never ate at restaurants and we never went on holidays. I feel like I missed out on a lot. There was a tv in the house but none of the premium channels. My brothers had game consoles so them playing games would take precedence over watching the TV anyway. I haven’t seen most “classic” films, both the popular films as I was growing up and before I was born. This includes every major franchise. I vaguely remember watching Home Alone as a child, but the rest of the classic Christmas films listed online, I have never seen before. It’s weird watching these films now and finally understanding pop culture references! Also in general a lot of things others see as Christmas traditions, I really can’t relate. Christmas was fairly basic in my household! Feels like I missed out on lots of joy.

Rocknrollstar · 26/12/2024 21:58

It’s no use dwelling on what you missed out on. You can easily catch up on classic movies and treat yourself to a meal out every week. Build your own Christmas, birthday traditions. You are an adult and should now be in control of your own life.

PreferMyAnimals · 26/12/2024 22:00

Every family is different and has their own priorities. Maybe you experienced other things?

Now you're an adult you get to decide your own priorities and lifestyle, and will for your children as well.

MargaretThursday · 26/12/2024 22:20

I could have written what you did pretty much.

My parents didn't spend "unnecessary" money. We did have a cheap holiday. We never ate out. I can count the number of times we went to the cinema and theatre was panto at Christmas (paid for as a Sunday School treat) and the local amateur one if it was something the parents wanted to see.
Presents were often practical things we needed, and almost nothing was bought if it could be homemade, and were repaired until it couldn't last any longer.

We didn't do things with an entrance fee, or needing travel further than about 30 minutes. I remember winning quite a prestigious prize and part of the prize was at a castle about 45 minutes away and being disappointed, but totally accepting when dm said that was too far to go.

We didn't get the latest things. We had a black and white TV and no video player beyond probably the rest of the country. We didn't really watch much because tuning it, getting the aerial right etc was a job in itself. I haven't seen a lot of things people would expect.

My dsis remembered the other day the year we all got a homemade hot water bottle cover for Christmas. Me and her were teens.

But I remember it being a happy childhood. I didn't really miss the things we didn't do. I knew they loved us, and whereas there were things I longed for and knew I'd never get, accepted that for one reason and another we wouldn't get.

It's interesting seeing how we've as adults changed.
One of my siblings has the TV on all the time (does my head in at their house) and goes to the cinema for new releases, and has the latest electronics and their dc have to have expensive mobiles etc. They think the idea of getting practical presents at Christmas shocking, so every present is "fun".
Another does do abroad holidays, but fairly cheap ones, but probably has the most similar lifestyle to what we had as children.
I hate taking a packed lunch so we'll normally plan to eat out when we go out for the day. At Christmas they get a huge stocking, but over half are things like underwear that they need.

PreferMyAnimals · 26/12/2024 22:24

MargaretThursday · 26/12/2024 22:20

I could have written what you did pretty much.

My parents didn't spend "unnecessary" money. We did have a cheap holiday. We never ate out. I can count the number of times we went to the cinema and theatre was panto at Christmas (paid for as a Sunday School treat) and the local amateur one if it was something the parents wanted to see.
Presents were often practical things we needed, and almost nothing was bought if it could be homemade, and were repaired until it couldn't last any longer.

We didn't do things with an entrance fee, or needing travel further than about 30 minutes. I remember winning quite a prestigious prize and part of the prize was at a castle about 45 minutes away and being disappointed, but totally accepting when dm said that was too far to go.

We didn't get the latest things. We had a black and white TV and no video player beyond probably the rest of the country. We didn't really watch much because tuning it, getting the aerial right etc was a job in itself. I haven't seen a lot of things people would expect.

My dsis remembered the other day the year we all got a homemade hot water bottle cover for Christmas. Me and her were teens.

But I remember it being a happy childhood. I didn't really miss the things we didn't do. I knew they loved us, and whereas there were things I longed for and knew I'd never get, accepted that for one reason and another we wouldn't get.

It's interesting seeing how we've as adults changed.
One of my siblings has the TV on all the time (does my head in at their house) and goes to the cinema for new releases, and has the latest electronics and their dc have to have expensive mobiles etc. They think the idea of getting practical presents at Christmas shocking, so every present is "fun".
Another does do abroad holidays, but fairly cheap ones, but probably has the most similar lifestyle to what we had as children.
I hate taking a packed lunch so we'll normally plan to eat out when we go out for the day. At Christmas they get a huge stocking, but over half are things like underwear that they need.

I experienced a lot of that, even when everyone else had otherwise. My children have it very different, much more conventional, but I also have very different means to my parents.

In the past eating out was more of a luxury item for special occasions. People did reuse and repair more (a good thing and better than a throw away society like we have).

A bit mean not to take you to the castle, but maybe there was a reason you aren't aware of?

MargaretThursday · 26/12/2024 23:10

PreferMyAnimals · 26/12/2024 22:24

I experienced a lot of that, even when everyone else had otherwise. My children have it very different, much more conventional, but I also have very different means to my parents.

In the past eating out was more of a luxury item for special occasions. People did reuse and repair more (a good thing and better than a throw away society like we have).

A bit mean not to take you to the castle, but maybe there was a reason you aren't aware of?

Show quote history

I agree with things have changed. Things could be repaired in a way they can't now.

For eating out I was including things like ice cream from an ice cream van (I never had an ice cream from a van until I was an adult) and little cafes, not the full restaurant experience.

The castle, I don't think there was any reason other than it was further than they wanted to drive. We did not do things that far away. At all. Even if it was something really special for free that we'd all have loved.
There could have been thrown in my younger sibling potentially throwing a hissy fit and being jealous, as they could be inclined to, and probably would have claimed (rightly) that the prize activity would have suited them better, but I don't think so. There might have been the issue that they'd have had to be left at home with older sibling babysitting though which didn't work brilliantly, especially if younger one was in a mood.
I was a fairly easy child who tended to accept decrees such as it was too far (unlike my siblings) without questioning.
I do remember how disappointed I was with that (and other similar things) so try to always make things work when my dc have opportunities.

Dm was inclined to approach anything where we might be disappointed by trying to persuade us that we really didn't want it.
We should be grateful that we had parents who cared so much about our health that they made us these wonderfully healthy inedible to me packed lunch while the parents who didn't care let their children have white bread sandwiches or even chips in a café. Shocking!
Never convinced me at all. One of my skills I learnt in childhood was how to dispose of an entire pack lunch sitting next to my family without eating a mouthful, so I suppose I did learn something out of it. 🤣

PreferMyAnimals · 27/12/2024 02:51

MargaretThursday · 26/12/2024 23:10

I agree with things have changed. Things could be repaired in a way they can't now.

For eating out I was including things like ice cream from an ice cream van (I never had an ice cream from a van until I was an adult) and little cafes, not the full restaurant experience.

The castle, I don't think there was any reason other than it was further than they wanted to drive. We did not do things that far away. At all. Even if it was something really special for free that we'd all have loved.
There could have been thrown in my younger sibling potentially throwing a hissy fit and being jealous, as they could be inclined to, and probably would have claimed (rightly) that the prize activity would have suited them better, but I don't think so. There might have been the issue that they'd have had to be left at home with older sibling babysitting though which didn't work brilliantly, especially if younger one was in a mood.
I was a fairly easy child who tended to accept decrees such as it was too far (unlike my siblings) without questioning.
I do remember how disappointed I was with that (and other similar things) so try to always make things work when my dc have opportunities.

Dm was inclined to approach anything where we might be disappointed by trying to persuade us that we really didn't want it.
We should be grateful that we had parents who cared so much about our health that they made us these wonderfully healthy inedible to me packed lunch while the parents who didn't care let their children have white bread sandwiches or even chips in a café. Shocking!
Never convinced me at all. One of my skills I learnt in childhood was how to dispose of an entire pack lunch sitting next to my family without eating a mouthful, so I suppose I did learn something out of it. 🤣

Show quote history

I never went to a cafe until I was a teenager. There was one in the local shopping centre, but it was like a mysterious forbidden place. It had curtains so you could only see in the door, adding to the mystique. haha. We weren't allowed white bread either, or ketchup. Such a let down. We did go to a restaurant once or twice a year for special occasions.

My mother was also very dismissive of negative feelings. Then she wonders why I don't share with her now. She's not really any better with that.

I've been quite different with my own children and now they are grown, they thank me for it. I think yours will too. :-)

Original poster

MJconfessions · 27/12/2024 13:28

Interesting replies!

In general, my childhood wasn’t happy unlike @MargaretThursday . It’s nice that you have good memories. Whereas for me everything I’m discovering now feels tinged as being bittersweet…just something else in a long list of things that I missed out on back then!

I appreciate kids can’t have it all, but looking back I do think my parents were tight to the point of sucking the joy out of life. I think they saw children as lesser than adults and parented accordingly. We basically lived as if they were in poverty, when they were not (they own multiple properties and had good jobs, just padded their savings). It was a militant regime & barebones lifestyle. I can relate to the comments about repairing everything…even school shoes with holes in! Plus the refusal to go to @MargaretThursday ’s castle is so relatable, my parents wouldn’t even go to parent’s evening at my school😂

They totally wonder why I don’t bother with them now but I just look back and don’t have many happy memories with them! But as you say, I won’t let my kids experience the same.

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