Very high anxiety and very low mood, if all else fails are antidepressants the only way out of this mess?

[Outrageousbehaviour]

I really don't want to enter another year struggling so much with my mental health, it's been so long and I have tried everything except antidepressants as I am terrified of side effects and becoming addicted.

Decades of poor mental health are taking their toll on me. I wake every single morning and go straight into a panic attack, I feel super anxious every morning not helped by the fact that I have awful digestive issues which have blighted my life for 25 years. I literally need the loo as soon as my eyes open and my digestive system is on turbo mode from that point. I have tried absolutely everything to help calm my gut issues and have spent a small fortune consulting with 6 gastroenterologists and dieticians. Doesn't seem to matter what I eat, drink or avoid I still have a bad tummy. I am certain the anxiety is not helping but the more my guts play up the more anxious I get. I somehow need to break that cycle (especially as my dd16 seems to have been one obsessed with her tummy also, I'm sure she's picked this up from me 😥).

I live on edge all day long and have such tension within my body, it can't be good for me. No amount of exercise, relaxation methods, healthy eating, drinking only water etc helps. I worry about everything and anything. I'm exhausted all the time and cry constantly from such low moods.

My anxiety doesn't calm until evening time when I often feel better but I'm still very unsettled because of what is going on in my life. My parents are elderly and mum has Alzheimer's, my dad struggles and relies on me to help out whenever I can. I'm round all the time and I'm drained. I worry constantly about them and am so very depressed watching my dear mum succumb to such a horrible disease. As we enter the 7th year of this misery I can only see mum entering the final stages of this now and it's not going to be pleasant at all, I'm on edge just anticipating it.

I'm also in perimenopause which does not help but I can't take hrt as it makes my endometriosis and adenomyosis pain worse (tried various types). I'm lucky that I'm not experiencing hot flashes and the likes (atm!) but I'm certain this high anxiety is not helped by my hormones either.

I really think I need to try antidepressants, I've been offered Escitalopram but I'm petrified they'll worsen my gut issues or cause dizziness or an out of control feeling. I just about gear myself up to try something then read accounts of people saying antidepressants destroyed their lives or they became so addicted and they couldn't wean off them etc and I'm back to square one.

Can someone help me see clearly over this? I'm frazzled and not thinking straight.

I've spent much money in the past. Lots of different talking therapies, CBT, EMDR, hypnotherapy....I very much engaged with all my sessions because a) I have always been desperate to feel better and b) I was paying a lot of money. I was always heavily invested both financially and emotionally.

Sadly I no longer work ai can not afford to pay for any therapy if any kind.

I had been determined I didn’t want to take medication again and was trying all the right things, I do think the exercise, breathwork and all the other things we do help but as my GP said if you are doing all of these things and still really suffering medication is what is needed.

My GP did refer me via Right to Choose. Tbh, I didn't think it would take this long but apparently they have a huge waiting list now!

Good luck, I really hope it helps you.

Op sympathies to you I’m suffering as well due to stress. I’ve been on long term antidepressants which I’m now upping as my gp feels they might have stopped working. When they work whey are brilliant and make you feel able to cope again.

Yes I would recommend antidepressants at this point definitely. I am on Sertraline and in my 40s. It has definitely helped me and I am better than I was. Feel free to message me direct if you like.

To be honest I don’t understand people like you, who clearly have something that medication could help with but are resistant in taking that medication.

Like sorry but out of everyone in this world, who else would suit antidepressants better than you - someone who has suffered with low mood for multiple decades, has daily panic attacks, extreme anxiety and low mood? Even one of those in isolation would justify antidepressants let alone all of it combined. Your health is extremely low.

instead you have a fear based on anecdotal accounts from what you have read online - people who you can’t even be sure are telling the truth, let alone have any idea of their medical background and whether any of their experience would apply to you. When you seek out this negative content, you are being unhelpful to yourself and trying to sabotage yourself.

With every medication you need to balance the pros and cons but in your case, dizziness would be the lesser evil than daily panic attacks and more decades of low mood.

These medications aren't addictive in the sense you mean. They can be difficult to come off but honestly, that is a small price to pay given the length of time you have been suffering. If they worked, it would be a good thing to continue taking them.

If you don't take the medication now and you get worse, you could find yourself in hospital taking whatever they give you. I'm saying that as an ex inpatient who once felt as you do.

Oh and I also have terrible gut issues. Antidepressants haven't made them worse. On one there was three days of tricky cramps but they passed. You have to stay ahead of constipation but that's easily done. You would probably find your gut issues improved if you were calmer. Wishing you the best.

I think you need to make adult social services aware that you're not able to meet your parents' increased care needs due to your own illness and different arrangements will have to be made. It sounds like you will end up in hospital and no use to them at all if you carry on like this. You just can't. You might have to be quite firm and stress that it's an emergency.

Antidepressants won't 'fix' anything but they will help you get into a position where you can help yourself more. I always suggest to people that they are like scaffolding on a damaged building. It keeps building safe and secure while all the repairs are being done, and then, all being well, will be removed leaving the building standing strong without any evidence it was ever there.

I can hear your apprehension and I'm sure many of us understand it but would taking medication for the rest of life really be so awful if it meant you had a better quality of life?

Obviously a conversation to have with your psychiatrist (who you should be seeing rather than a GP) but buspirone can be good for anxiety and psychiatrists are able to prescribe it for this. GPs aren't because it's off label I believe.

Why would you rather be miserable than try anti depressants.

Thank you.

I know, I know.
In writing it looks so simplistic, take the god damn meds and see how you get on with them, makes sense to anyone of sound mind doesn't it but sadly I'm currently not thinking straight.
I have an unsettled and upset stomach most days and can just about go through my daily life as I am albeit a struggle. It's the overriding fear that these meds will exacerbate my gut issues, in particular and it's very much holding me back from trying them.
I totally understand that from your point of view and many others it seems so easy but I suppose that's the sticking point with poor mental health, it holds you back from making rational decisions.

Exactly, it’s your low mental health that’s putting you off taking the medication. It’s a cycle…

I think you should at least try it, it’s doing something kind for yourself. If it’s not for you then fair enough but you won’t know until you try.

You could be missing out on so much joy without realising

But you are rational enough to see that you are possibly not in the position to make the best choices for you. So, and I mean this in the kindest way, let those who can see your situation more objectively help you

Hello OP. I'm so sorry about how hard things are and have been. I know anxiety can feel like utter hell.
I'm going to go against the grain and say the data on antidepressants is at best ambiguous. Although lots of individuals have positive stories about them, lots also have bad experiences. I'm not going to say don't try them. But 75% of their effect is placebo, and long term impacts are poorly understood.

You sound like you're trying so hard to feel better. Have you tried any approaches which are more about learning to befriend/accept the pain and discomfort?

After a lifetime of anxiety I "gave in" and took Citalopram. Started with a very low dose. It was completely life changing for me in such a positive way, I just wish I had taken them earlier in life. I have had no side effects at all, though I know others do. I recommend a chat with your GP.

Rark what does it matter if 75% of their effect is placebo? I don't believe that's true btw but I would like to understand why you think it matters, surely if the end result is positive then people should take them regardless of how 'medically effective' they are?

Also, without us all producing various studies to support our beliefs, I would suggest that even if long term effects are 'unknown' (again, I think people have been taking them long enough to know what the long term effects are and overall it's fine) then if in the here and now they work then they should be taken. No one knows what the future holds but if you're miserable right now and can change that, why wouldn't you? If you feel like antidepressants aren't working then you can stop taking them

Have you considered you may be autistic? Not that understanding this will fix anything per se but many people find it puts their life into a context which really helps. Your pattern of difficulties including the fact that therapy hasn't helped at all would fit. Having a framework for your life can make a difference.

Maybe try getting out more or doing some exercise

That's very encouraging, thank you.

Seriously? Did you even read my op or replies?

75 percent of their effect is not placebo