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Original poster

Friends treat Dog like a person

27 replies

mrstinsle · 26/12/2024 07:29

We've got some very close friends and they have a Dog that just turned one.

It's treated like a person and it's unruly and it's having an impact regarding us going around their house, we have small children.

The Dog is constantly jumping up and scratching our children. My children get scared and scream but they won't put the dog away, in its cage or put it outside, it's just running around the house in a frenzy, being told to stop it it or be calm but it's not disciplined and just does what it wants. I don't think it's vicious just very excitable and needs energy burning off which I don't think it gets enough of.

If we are having something to eat there or a cup of tea and a biscuit, then the Dog has to have a treat too despite it being badly behaved. The owners are absolutely clueless regarding owning Dogs and quite often I come away with a headache as it's so chaotic.

I don't know how to approach this or whether just to say nothing and just stop going around there. I don't want to offend or fall out with this family as we are very close with them and they are dear to us.

OP posts:
heldinadream · 26/12/2024 07:35

Sometimes people who are very dear to us turn out to be idiots. Allowing a dog to behave like that and not knowing that it will upset your guests is pretty idiotic.

Sorry dear friends but until your dog is trained we'll have to stop visiting. Can we meet up somewhere else without the dog for now?

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 26/12/2024 07:36

Just don't go to their house and do not let them bring their dog to your house.

Why is it hard to be frank and honest? If they get in a strop then let them.

I suspect they'll find themselves with very few visitors apart from those who don't care about their dcs' safety.

Original poster
mrstinsle · 26/12/2024 07:41

I don't think they would get in a strop about it but I think they have sensed I'm not keen on the Dog.

Well it's not that I'm not keen on the Dog, I just don't think it's being raised correctly.

OP posts:

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Dogs
BCBird · 26/12/2024 07:42

Stop going. Your children come first. The dog may not be vicious, it's the owners who are essentially at fault here, in the same way if it was a toddler causing mayhem that responsibility would be with the parents to.deal with it. Make alternative arrangements. Meet outside, if they bring the dog it will at least be on.a lead.

Original poster
mrstinsle · 26/12/2024 07:43

I just feel it's an animal and should be raised as a Dog, it's like it's at the top of the pecking order, it comes first in the house.

OP posts:
CarterBeatsTheDevil · 26/12/2024 07:47

Sounds like it's really two things: (a) you're concerned about the way the dog behaves around your kids (fair) and (b) you generally disapprove of the way they treat the dog like a person (not your business). If you focus on (a) I don't think you can go wrong in just saying to them "look, I know your dog is well intentioned but DC are tiny and the dog is huge to them and I am worried they'll go off dogs altogether if he's not under control when we come round, can you cage him or put him outside whilst they're here?"

ExceededUsefulEconomicLife · 26/12/2024 07:50

Have family like this. I'm a bit of a cunt but I tell the dogs off. Sometimes if I'm feeling jolly, I'll really take the piss and tell them off like a child. Even throwing in the word cousin/sister etc.

It's as rude for me to tell the dog off as it is for the owner to let it happen in my book so I don't give a fuck

Original poster
mrstinsle · 26/12/2024 07:56

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 26/12/2024 07:47

Sounds like it's really two things: (a) you're concerned about the way the dog behaves around your kids (fair) and (b) you generally disapprove of the way they treat the dog like a person (not your business). If you focus on (a) I don't think you can go wrong in just saying to them "look, I know your dog is well intentioned but DC are tiny and the dog is huge to them and I am worried they'll go off dogs altogether if he's not under control when we come round, can you cage him or put him outside whilst they're here?"

You are correct.

I also don't want my kids to have a problem with Dogs going forward.

This family had a Dog before which was pretty much treated the same. It was a Dog which had a lot of health problems in his life and was constantly given human treats to eat with hardly any exercise.

OP posts:
CarterBeatsTheDevil · 26/12/2024 08:09

mrstinsle · 26/12/2024 07:56

You are correct.

I also don't want my kids to have a problem with Dogs going forward.

This family had a Dog before which was pretty much treated the same. It was a Dog which had a lot of health problems in his life and was constantly given human treats to eat with hardly any exercise.

Show quote history

I sympathise. It's very frustrating.

90yomakeuproom · 26/12/2024 08:19

My in laws dog is like this. When it takes food off your dinner plate and they won't put it outside or in the kitchen it's very annoying.

PoodlesRUs · 26/12/2024 08:25

They cage the dog? It's a year old!

Why do you keep capitalising dog? I thought only Trump and his fans capitalised nouns unnecessarily.

Original poster
mrstinsle · 26/12/2024 08:45

90yomakeuproom · 26/12/2024 08:19

My in laws dog is like this. When it takes food off your dinner plate and they won't put it outside or in the kitchen it's very annoying.

Urgh! That is disgusting. How do they think this is acceptable?

OP posts:
caringcarer · 26/12/2024 08:57

mrstinsle · 26/12/2024 07:43

I just feel it's an animal and should be raised as a Dog, it's like it's at the top of the pecking order, it comes first in the house.

Dogs are pack animals and they need to show the dog who leads the pack not make it the leader of the house. Dogs are happier when they are trained well and know their place in the household. Food order is a good way to do this Fred yourselves first then feed the dogs.

caringcarer · 26/12/2024 09:00

90yomakeuproom · 26/12/2024 08:19

My in laws dog is like this. When it takes food off your dinner plate and they won't put it outside or in the kitchen it's very annoying.

This is totally unacceptable. People should not be able to have dogs and not train them to behave. I was at a picnic once and a dog stole some pork. My dogs would also want the pork but would sit and wait to be offered a bit after we had eaten. Jumping up and stealing food should be discouraged and sitting nicely waiting, rewarded. It's not hard.

MontyDonsBlueScarf · 26/12/2024 09:02

They're not doing anyone any favours here, not you, your children or the dog. Or their own children, if they have any.

If they have children perhaps you could start a conversation being curious about how they've found parenting a child to be different to parenting a dog, that might lead on to thinking about what their needs actually are and how they are best met.

If they don't then maybe comment on the increasing number of dog attacks and the corresponding rise in anti dog sentiment, and how important it is to raise children and dogs that know how to behave well with each other. You see this as an opportunity for your children to learn so could you talk about how you could work on this together?

Of course this depends on them being reasonable people who just haven't thought about any of this so far, you won't know till you try.

Newsenmum · 26/12/2024 09:04

“Sorry the children are scared of the dog, can we do something else without the dog?”

Viviennemary · 26/12/2024 09:08

Newsenmum · 26/12/2024 09:04

“Sorry the children are scared of the dog, can we do something else without the dog?”

Agree. Be direct. Say sorry but we can't meet up with the dog. End off.

Original poster
mrstinsle · 26/12/2024 09:10

@caringcarer regarding the food, they don't think it's fair that they have something to eat when the Dog doesn't. So when we/they have something, the Dog has to have something. Madness.

OP posts:
Dearg · 26/12/2024 09:13

Well they are not doing the dog any favours, but I would not describe it as treating it like a person - They would not let a toddler jump up and scratch others, run around in a frenzy ( child or dog- both could get hurt).

They should be training the dog to be a well socialised animal. One of the first things to teach the dog is how to calmly be alone, so they can leave it for short periods.

Clearly they are not training effectively so it’s totally fine to tell them you are happy to meet with them, but not the dog.

I love dogs, have 2, but have told a family member that her dog is not welcome around mine, for similar reasons to yours.

bowchicawowwow · 26/12/2024 09:13

I'd just stop going or suggest meeting up somewhere non dog friendly. I have dogs and I don't invite friends with small children over as it's stressful for everyone.

wetotter · 26/12/2024 09:21

The dog does sound poorly behaved (it's in its peak teenage years, which are notorious for regression) and your description of the owners shows them as ineffective at stopping the zoomies round their house. I describe the behaviour like that because you acknowledge the dog is playful, not aggressive which would be an entirely different issue.

You are however excusing your DC's screaming, which of course is in itself an extra incitement to the dog to play even more vigorously.

As it's clear you don't like dogs, and your DC are not yet capable of less flighty reactions round them, you should stay away from this dog in its home until it is older (past the teenage years) and your DC are able to move away calmly and without screaming. Or just decide that will be never and change your pattern of meetings completely anyhow to exclude the dog.

And in the meantime, see if any of your friends have an older (not teenage) dog so your DC can unlearn their screaming reaction

Happyinarcon · 26/12/2024 09:21

I have to put my hand up to having a dog that is not the best behaved around guests. Some of my friends love my dog some don’t. For the ones that don’t I meet them at pubs or go to their house. I am slowly recovering from a long illness and it warms my heart to see my dog so happy with life and so enthusiastic to say hello to people.

DataPup · 26/12/2024 09:24

caringcarer · 26/12/2024 08:57

Dogs are pack animals and they need to show the dog who leads the pack not make it the leader of the house. Dogs are happier when they are trained well and know their place in the household. Food order is a good way to do this Fred yourselves first then feed the dogs.

Show quote history

I'm not excusing the dogs behaviour or their owners but this is largely bollocks

JFDIYOLO · 26/12/2024 09:38

That's not treating a dog like a person. They probably wouldn't allow a child to or be happy to see each other behave like that.

They are people who don't know how to raise, train or care for a dog.

Dogs need discipline, leadership, consistency, exercise, control, appropriate food etc. They thrive on it.

An untrained dog is a liability and yes, can be a danger round children and other animals.

This is a training issue. Not for the dog - for them. They need to learn how to be responsible dog owners but you can't control that.

The thing you can control is how much time you and your family spend in their company.

CoubousAndTourmalet · 26/12/2024 11:02

Pack theory has been discredited now and nobody trains that way. All the "dog should know its place" is a bit like "children should be seen and not heard" 😄It's rightly been debunked.

If it has just turned one it is in adolescence and will be naturally energetic - all dogs are at that age. It's not always about lack of training; the best trained dog at that age can become excitable around visitors. But if people aren't used to dogs it can be overwhelming.

If the dog is in its own home then I don't think any visitor has the right to dictate that it should be crated or put outside. It is more appropriate to confine the puppy to one room if your guests are not used to dogs; this is what we would do. We have a 9 month old puppy who is large and boisterous, so we use dog gates to restrict her to the kitchen when we feel it's appropriate, but we don't crate. If its their home and their dog, then it's their choice whether to do that or not and clearly they prefer the puppy to be integrated into family life as much as possible. There is nothing wrong with giving a dog its own treat as a distraction if people are eating. That doesn't always mean you are treating a dog like a person.

You could gently ask if the puppy can be confined to one room the next time you visit, but it may be that you will need to stop going there for a while, at least until your children are older and both they and the dog are able to be calmer around each other.