Etiquette around alcohol as a non-drinker

[EtiquetteUncertainty]

I don't drink, and feel quite anxious about the etiquette when it comes to serving or gifting drinks, because I don't know what is polite/expected. I'd appreciate opinions on the ideal behaviour in the following two scenarios:

(a) I'm hosting a party or dinner. Should I be providing alcohol, or would it be totally fine and normal to say "I'll be providing a selection of soft drinks, but if you want to drink alcohol, please feel free to bring your own"?

(b) I'm attending a party or dinner. Should I be taking alcohol as a gift/party contribution? Or should I take a soft drink as that's what I'd be drinking? Or does it depend on whether it's a gift vs. a contribution to the event? How would I know which applies? The ambiguity seems to be less of a problem for those who drink, as they can bring a bottle and the host can decide how it's used.

If there is some expectation that I provide alcohol, where would I even start? I know nothing about wine or beer (or whatever else people drink), and people seem to be so particular about wine, that it would seem silly/wasteful to buy some random wine in the hope it will be adequate, when people could instead bring exactly what they like, and presumably have a better time as a result.

I think for your party I would say "I'm providing all the food and soft drinks but it's bring your own booze please"
That sounds quite informal but to the point to me. That's assuming you don't want to increase the budget so much for alcohol.

If you are invited to someone's house I would take some soft drinks as that's what you drink as well as a gift for the host but that doesn't need to be booze - you could take a box of biscuits/chocolates or some flowers for example.

If you don’t drink, you definitely aren’t expected to provide alcohol.

If you are hosting, it’s fine to suggest people bring their own (the wording upthread, that you are providing plenty of food and soft drinks and people are welcome to bring their own alcohol, is perfect).

If somebody else is hosting, any gift (flowers, chocolate etc) is fine. A 2L bottle of Coke Zero is probably not special enough, a lovely bottle of sparkling juice would be fine.

At a house party/bbq where you are expected to chip in, just bring whatever you want to drink yourself, plus a bit extra to share. Coke Zero would be fine in that situation.

Lifelong non-drinker here. I'd invite others to BYO alcohol, but if I could afford it and knew for sure it wouldn't be wasted, might also buy e.g. prosecco to serve before the meal.

If I attend an event hosted in someone's home, I often take a gift such as flowers but I wouldn't take wine or beer.

Surely, even if you don’t drink yourself, you don’t live in an entirely alcohol-free world and have hosted or attended parties or dinners before, though?

Yes, I have attended parties and dinners before (though not yet hosted any where this would be relevant), and I would like to feel more confident that I am behaving appropriately in these scenarios, hence my original post.

Thanks to everyone for the useful advice so far!

Always pair wine with the food, I might not drink but would aways offer, champagne/ wine/ beer/ as well as soft drinks. It's polite.

How would I know what wine/beer to offer? Drinkers tend to know what they like, but I don't know the first thing about alcoholic drinks, so I'd be taking a stab in the dark (and it might all just go to waste).

This. Absolutely.

Even if you did drink I think there is absolutely no harm in asking people to bring there own booze.
If I went to a house party and was offered wine or larger I'd have nothing to drink as I only drink cider . I'd much rather be asked to bring what I want to drink .

I would never expect a host who doesn't drink to offer a range of alcohol like that! OP - just casually remind your guests when you invite them that you don't drink alcohol, so would they mind bringing their own if they want to? No one but the most unreasonable half-wit could object to that.

I would never expect someone who doesn't drink to provide me alcohol. If you're already hosting and buying food and soft drinks it's totally acceptable to ask guests to bring their own choice of drink - even if you did drink alcohol this would still be fine. The wording in your post is polite and sounds good to me.
Again, if I was hosting a party I happily suggest guests bring whatever they fancy drinking themselves and if they kindly gave me a present like flowers, chocolates etc that would be a sweet gesture. Definitely no expectations to bring alcohol specifically.

Thanks, all - seems like there's a pretty clear consensus here!

For your party it's quite acceptable to say I'll provide food and soft drinks, if you want alcohol bring your own. Equally if going to party and taking a contribution, take what you like to drink. If it's a gift for the hosts (not to be opened) bring something they like, could be alcoholic but I'd opt for chocolates or flowers myself. If bringing non alcoholic drinks for your guests as a gift please make sure they actually drink them - I hate drinks that are fizzy for instance and can't have many fruit juices due to acid content, remember non alcoholic drinks are often ridiculously sweet too, not my thing

I can't drink due to medication.

It really depends how old you are and what sort of hosting you're doing. In your twenties (and probably 30s if you're in London) it's fine to ask people to bring their own tipple. When you're older, in your own house, hosting people, if you can afford to do so, it's better to provide the drinks, it's just an expense of hosting (I can't have dairy but I also buy in milk for after-dinner coffees and cheese for the cheese board). If you absolutely don't want alcohol kept in the house e.g. a recovering alcoholic visits regularly, then asking people to provide would be okay; good friends would understand.

I try to keep a bottle or two of red in the house (Cabernet Sauvignon is very versatile and consistently good for most palates), and some beer, and if I'm doing a small get together I provide that. If I'm doing something big, I'll either get Prosecco (I can celebrate along with a nice glass of Aldi's Zerosecco) or I'll grab a couple of bottles of Chardonnay (white wine). I always serve beer and white wine from the fridge and red at room temperature. I also keep a few wine and pint glasses around. Once a bottle of wine has been opened it doesn't last long though before it goes "off" and starts to taste vinegary, so don't keep wine for future use.

As for pairing (this is very general to get you started), red meat goes with red wine, white meat/fish goes with white wine.

Entirely up to you of course, but that's my personal choice nowadays. When I was younger I just didn't bother with providing alcoholic drinks at all because it's a faff.