Stbxh playing Disney dad

[Newlysinglemum1]

Ds is 2 and stbxh hasn't seen him in 6 months because he is being investigated for offences against children (not ds thankfully). For his birthday stbxh gave ds some money in a card which was fine because I could set the card aside for ds and put the money in a bank account in ds name. However via his grandparents he's just inundated ds with loads of massive presents. The smallest thing he got ds is 2 foot long and the biggest is about 5 foot and really wide. He's clearly spent a fortune and as none of the presents were labelled ds opened them and of course loves them so now I need to keep them. Due to what he's done I had to move out of the area we lived in so I'm staying with family while I save for a place of my own and wait for our house to sell. I'm actually raging that he's decided to play the Disney dad while giving no consideration that I've zero space for any of this and I'm very conscious that I'm living in someone else's house.

Ds doesn't know who the presents are from and I've kept the card he's sent separately for ds when he's older if he wants it but I just feel turned looking at these things. Aibu and should I just be sucking it up for ds sake or do I get rid of the toys? I don't want him having any in roads with ds because of what he's done but equally I don't want ds to be upset.

I think you are 'raging' about the wrong thing.

I'd drop them back to the grandparents they came via ...and say sorry no room. Perhaps keep the 1 favourite toy.
If they disappear one by one over the next few days that might be gentler for your ds.

Honestly don't give the gifts next time he is two you can filter them in over time

Will he get contact do you think? My ex did under supervision from his parents he took that time to promise and buy huge gifts bikes etc and try and send them home with them I simply told him to take them back and they could live at his house the big gifts stopped at that point

I will say he also got rid of the huge gifts because he didn't have space and I got the blame

I don't really want to put them in a crap position either I try and keep it as separate as possible as they do still see ds. It's not really anything to do with them and to be fair they did apologise to me when they handed it over I just didn't know it was from him at the time.

I'm not sure what you mean?

I hope not I've no intention of allowing that willingly given what he's done but obviously that'll have to go through court, at the moment he's not asking for it thankfully.

The massive presents need to be sent back. There's no room at your current place for them. He's compensating I think but also putting you in a no-win situation.

Well this is it, also I don't want ds growing up expecting things like this from his dad because I couldn't afford to match it plus there's just absolutely no need and the last thing I want as he gets older is thinking his dad is some great guy when he's a predator and I want to protect ds from him. The idea that it could be seen as parental alienation does worry me from a legal perspective though?

Parental alienation? If he is a predator your right to put in boundaries because he could be love bombing perhaps tell the grandparents that while you appreciate the gifts you can't store big gifts due to your housing situation and can he be encouraged to send smaller next time

I appreciate you have to play nice right now as if they drop.the charges etc in the eyes of the law it would be as if it never happened and you will be expected to act accordingly and never mention it again

Can you move far far away while things are still up in the air?

Ds is 2 and stbxh hasn't seen him in 6 months because he is being investigated for offences against children

I think in this instance, you need to find a way to put them into ‘storage’ because you are moving and then sell them once your ds has forgotten about them. He’s 2 so that will take all of a week. Use the money to do something nice for him. Refuse all gifts from him until this gets sorted.

I already have moved as far as I can and changed jobs etc and it's been good because I have support here.

"if they drop.the charges etc in the eyes of the law it would be as if it never happened and you will be expected to act accordingly and never mention it again" this is my biggest fear because while I know for certain he's done what he's accused of, if the evidence isn't strong enough to prosecute then it really doesn't bear thinking about. I've been advised to be as accommodating as possible outside of facilitating any contact with my ex by my solicitor so the courts see me as reasonable and only concerned about the safeguarding element not being deliberately obstructive for the sake of it, especially if there's no prosecution and also to try and speed the divorce and financial agreement along so he's less likely to dig his heels in. So it does feel like a careful balance of keeping ds safe while still trying to completely extract ourselves and set us up with a new home in the process.

@Caselgarcia yes, I'm aware of that- therefore have left him, moved as far away as I can and have blocked him from seeing ds and put as much support around myself and ds as possible. Everything he's sent ds up to now has been kept safely away from ds so he can make a decision when he's older, but this one snuck by me and as others have said I have legal considerations to worry about. Obviously that is a massive concern for me but I feel like that's stating the obvious. I'm still unsure what you're getting at? Unless you think that uprooting my ENTIRE life to safeguard my child was not enough in some way?

@mindutopia thanks I think this is a good solution. I don't even want to look at the darn things he disgusts me so much and I don't want the reminder of him.