When off spring treat you differently

[MikeRafone]

Both offspring have the same level of earnings

Both off spring have been treated the same

But its getting to the point where one is buying presents for around £10 and the other £100

Do I have to keep treating them the same? but I know the MIL gets around £60 spent on her each birthday and xmas yet my presents are clearly well thought put but normal stuff smells etc.

Its becoming more and more difficult, its not strictly about the money. I do a lot for both dc and more than the MIL - so its not that

I can't figure it out. Its up to them what they gift but its niggling me and I know it shouldn't.

If it upsets you tell them. If you cant be honest with your grown-up dc who can you be honest with? My dc have git each other presents that cost more than mine but I'm honestly not bothered, I enjoy them gifting each other and I'm gapoy with the thought they've put into theirs and mine.

Don't confuse money with love that's all I'll say. Oh and merry Christmas

Sorry I'm a little confused. You have two kids, one who gives you cheaper gifts, but gives their MIL more expensive gifts? Maybe MIL is more demanding than you are. How do you know what MIL's gifts cost?

Well the MIL gift will be contributed to by the partner as well?

A £10 thoughtful gift would be worth more than £100 of tat.

maybe the dh/dw is buying mil things
if you know your gifts are well thought out isn’t that enough
maybe they don’t have £100 and so don’t want to try compete with sibling.
comparison is the thief of joy n all that

This all seems very qualitative. Take the money out of the equation. Do you have good relationships?

"Offspring" 😂what a loving parent you sound!

For future years, institute a new rule that you don't give them any presents, so they don't need to give them to you either. It's ridiculous for adults to get stressed about gifts! Instead, find a date to all go out for lunch or dinner. It doesn't have to be at Christmas - we have dinner and an overnight hotel stay with my BIL and his wife in lieu of all Xmas and birthday presents, and it tends to happen late Feb or early March. It's something to look forward to after winter.

For a second I didn’t even understand the meaning of offspring I was so confused😂

How much do you spend on gifts for your offspring @MikeRafone ?

You have two children who have a different approach to gift giving. The money they spend reflects that I assume (not going into one has more outgoing because higher mortgage etc…).

Whatever is given to the MIL is not here nor there. It should be a gift made by their DP to their mums. So it reflects the way your dcs’ DP attitude towards theur own mum.

im getting the feeling you feel that the dc who gives more expensive stuff should be getting more.
Sounds extremely transactional. And doesn’t reflect the fact BOTH are putting real effort into finding something you’ll enjoy. Which is a shame because I doubt you’d be happy with a £100 gift that doesn’t quite hit the mark instead of the £10 one…..

You treat them the same.

Two children have different approaches to giving presents, nothing wrong with that.

And presumably the gifts to their MILs are mainly from their partners?

Are the cheaper gifts chosen with care? Or does it feel like last minute supermarket grabs without any planning?

My sister earns more than me and my husband put together yet she used to give garbage gifts. I'm not just talking cheap (cheap is fine IMO). I'm talking poorly thought out, tacky or badly made with very little relevance to people's interests or likes.

She later went no contact with us for reasons we still don't understand. I do wonder when children do this if it's the slow drip start to estrangement.

I'm guessing your daughter gets you gifts worth £100?

And your son gets your gifts worth £10, but his mother in law gets much more spent on her?

Who buys the gifts, I'm guessing your daughter in law?

So I would guess that either your son just doesn't know or care how much his wife spends on presents? Or he does know but doesn't care enough to do anything about it?

I don't think it's particularly "transactional" to be a bit hurt by this. But I think you probably do have to take it in the context of the wider relationship. Are you otherwise close?

I guess your options are to just keep spending what you do on your kids presents, and just try to put this out your mind. Or start spending a bit more on the other child, and a bit less on the £10 child, just to match their gift giving habits...but it may be hard to do that without appearing petty or transactional.

Personally, I always just buy the gift I think somebody would like, regardless of cost (I don't buy for many people, so budget isn't really an issue). Some years, I won't get my parents much, if I can't think of anything they'd like. Other years, it'll be something quite extravagant because I think they'd like it. Likewise, if I see something they'd love in October, I'll get it, rather than wait for Christmas.

I think you just need to take it in the wider context of your relationship. Or perhaps the MIL is very short of money whereas you are better off?

Thanks for the replies

i I think I’m looking for something that will stop it niggling me - as why does it niggling me, it’s a me problem.

they are both the same gender
sorry if you don’t agree with the term offspring but I was trying to describe adult and not children - that was the word I found.

sometimes the gifts are thought about and other times it’s last minute supermarket ( at a guess)

Offspring is a perfectly good term - haven’t you seen Finding Nemo?

Crush the turtle is a Parental Unit, Squirt is the Offspring. I am a Parental Unit with three Offspring.

Fruit Of My Loins - now that’s a one you could pull a face at. But Offspring is good.