“All you do is moan”

[Annoyeeeeed]

My husband has the nerve to say to me! I’ve wrapped all the Christmas presents for the kids, tonight building their big items, I cook tea and ask could he do the dishes and he says “I’ll see”. So yes I fucking moan as he is so lazy

i do all childcare, I’m the primary parent I do fucking everything. He’s never had the 2 of our kids alone or even overnight alone (I’ve turned down Overnight stays with work because of this) he’s been on many lads trips and I’m mainly with the kids alone

I am so annoyed he’s so fucking lazy and has the nerve to say stop moaning you’ll Christmas ??????? And all I do is effing moan??? I wonder why

Next Christmas you're doing single, yes?

Really considering this

You should.

You need a divorce - your life will be so much nicer. He contributes nothing and just drags you down.

You're allowing this behaviour!!!

I’m sorry, it’s shit. But each and every time you do things because you know he won’t do them, you’re enabling the behaviour.

Don’t let the “moaning and nagging” accusations stop you. Just say “yeah too right I’m nagging and moaning. “

Honestly he’s such a drain on my life. Complains all the time as he pays more - when he earns double my wage? It’s so infuriating because the only thing he fucking does is put money to stuff but I wish he’d be more present and not a dickhesd

You are not alone.

I’m in a similar situation but with ‘why are you always like this?’ then when I point out he’s contributed nothing towards Christmas I got the standard ‘you’re not being fair’.

People will come on here saying you’re enabling. But when the alternative is your kids Christmas being ruined it’s a case of picking your battles.

Yes.
The work will be there, but a different type and the peace from this lazy audacious lump will compensate for it.

If he was single, he'd have to do more at home AND work! He doesn't get to check out of home and family responsibilities because of the size of his wage packet!

Ask him if he would do all of the stuff you're currently doing if the pay packets were reversed?

In fact, don't bother asking, you already know the answer!

Stop doing anything for him. Your time isn't worth less than his, but he is treating YOU less than him.

Stop. Please. If he doesn't step up, divorce the bastard!

@woolflower i agree with picking your battles.

I disagree with it when/if, in practice, it means accepting everything. Which is what the OP is doing.
eg I wouldnt have turned down overnight work because ‘poor me’ couldn’t be bothered to look after his own dcs sleeping.

@Annoyeeeeed yep, it’s shit.
And either you organise yourself so next Christmas will be done wo a huge drain as some PP proposed or you have a huge shake up in your roles within the marriage.
Albeit the second option might well lead to the 1 st anyway….

I cook tea and ask could he do the dishes and he says “I’ll see”. So yes I fucking moan as he is so lazy

Seems like he could be easily upgraded by getting a Dishwasher instead.

I have considered divorce a few times. This isn’t a one time event. He is so selfish and just thinks of him all the time. Flips if I say that though

not sure what’s making me stay exactly? Not many redeeming qualities. Maybe it’s the fear of being alone even though I feel that way anyway

even earlier. He’s just so harsh for no reason

i said I’m nervous to do my first ever Christmas dinner for us (us 2 and the kids) and his father is coming over

”well you have to get over it I’ve been scared to do things before and I had to do them”

ami not allowed to feel a normal human emotion of nerves ??? When I’m 25 never done my own Christmas dinner

we usually go to my parents but he suggested we do our own dinner this year and it caused an argument with my family but you know. No sort of recognition for that from him

Being alone will be fabulous, I promise!

Channel Dolly Parton and d.i.v.o.r.c.e.

You’re 25. Imagine looking back when you’re 65 and have spent another 40 years being screwed over and resentful. Get rid.

No relationship is great all the time but if it is this shit even a significant amount of time - get rid - he worn't change. You feel alone as you are alone and carrying everything. He might earn more but some of that will come to you via child support when you get rid of him and he will have to do some parenting. Next year you can go to your parents and he can swivel - asking you to do it at home and then doing sod all.

Honestly I’m so glad my kids are in bed. He’s ruined my night and I love Christmas time usually and Christmas Eve is a fave of mine.

I think I’m scared to actually leave as like I say I don’t like to or want to leave the kids with him and I’d have to for some time if I divorced

He might be one of those men who want very little contact if he's that lazy. Don't let fear keep you together. Like others have said, can you face another 30, 40 , 50 years of this?

He’s enacting weaponised incompetence. Exhausting and horrible for you.

He's harsh because there's no consequences for him. If you complain, he just tells you off. What a big man, it probably gives him a kick, all powerful, big swinging dick, master of the universe type. Don't put up with this, it will get worse and what about when the kids are grown?

Give yourself a break and make a resolution - no more. This time next year could be so much better.

He's never even looked after them on his own! This useless prick will not be queuing up to have shared care when you divorce him.

What he will do is to threaten you with going for 50-50 care or "full custody" when you start divorce proceedings. That will be scary but there's no way he'll do it.

the sad thing is we had a good relationship. Kids just really showed his bad side.

but I realised we got together when I was 19. He took control of everything. I moved out at 20 so he took control of bills all ‘adult’ stuff which I’m still learning now tbh! My name only went on the mortgage last year which I’m happy sbout

i think he started disliking me when we had kids because I took control there because I am a good mum (not to toot my own horn) and it seems to bother him that I’m good at it and in charge