DH ruining Xmas eve because he can't find his headphones

[Himselfonlyhimself]

Yep, you read that right. He leaves his things lying around all over the house. He is going mental because he can't find them and is refusing to do any of the food prep today (he cooks it all, his choice) until he finds. Fortunately I'm out of the house with one of the DC. The poor other Dc (15) is at home and more than likely is having to Listen to his dad literally lose his shit and scream blue murder because he can't find the headphones. In true style, I'm being accused of either moving them or throwing them out (as if). He Always blames me when he can't find his stuff.
Just needed to vent how angry I am with dh. The headphones are not a priority.

Dh is 49 btw

Wow he sounds awful. Screaming and shouting?

I am someone who also leaves my stuff lying around the house (we play the Find Mummy's Phone game several times a day) but I would never get angry at anyone but myself if (when) I can't find my things.

What a dickhead, frankly.

Unless this is out of character, he sounds like a terrible dad. I remember being in dread of my own dad's temper tantrums

I hope your 15yo can escape the house today. Can you send him money to take a friend to the cinema or something

This is awfulthat on Christmas Eve especially, but any day of the year really, your child is having to tolerate him running about screaming over something of his own causing. I had shouty parents and hate it so much, it made me so uncomfortable but I had no choice but to tolerate it.

You have the ability to not have your children go through this, so what are you going to do to change it? Is it really fair for them to feel uncomfortable to this level every time things don't go your Husbands way?

I always get the blame for missing things myself.

How many are you hosting Christmas Day, so he needs to start prepping now?

Big day for everyone being stressed and fractious. Will he get over it and apologise do you think?

Poor DC having to bear the noise alone. Can they join you, go for coffee? Leave him to it?

Hoof that big baby out the door as soon as you can. Short notice but maybe you and the kids can eat elsewhere and leave shit for brains to it.

He's found the headphones and has messaged to say he is "fuming". I'm picking up DC from home now.
Cooking for 12 tomorrow. DH will make everything himself. All His choice. But these days doing anything makes him stressed. Even mundane things like putting the rubbish out.

Get him some air pods for Christmas. He can link them to his phone and if he can’t find them can use his phone to tell them to beep so he can find them.
https://support.apple.com/en-us/109020

A person who constantly misplaces things and stresses over it needs to accept this about himself and buy things that help them out.

It would be a thoughtful present.

If he’s stressed, maybe ask if there is anything you can do to lower the stress? Cooking for 12 is a lot to take on for anyone.

Where were they? Why is he “fuming” when he obviously lost them himself??

What's he fuming about. I'd text him and say if he doesn't sort himself out you and the kids are not coming home.

Why is he 'fuming' if he's found them? My DH could be prone to getting stressed and shouty but I've made it crystal clear it isn't acceptable behaviour around me or DC and that I won't be sticking around if he can't keep his tantrums under control and he has learned better ways of dealing with stress. Don't just put up with it OP, it really isn't acceptable to take everything out on his family the way he is and he needs his eyes opening to the fact that you don't have to stick around for it. I told my DH that I wouldn't subject DC to growing up around an angry, volatile person and he knew I meant it, I would have left if he hadn't sorted it out and it did seem to be a wake up call for him.

So he's fuming they were lost and now fuming that he's found them.

Sounds a right fuckin treat.

There are a lot of rubbish men around it seems. Mine is sleeping off the latest hangover, having done nothing at all for Christmas. When he eventually wakes up, he will realise that the Christmas fairies didn't bring his parents anything this year. At that stage he will have only the contents of the corner shop to choose from, think crap wine or dairy milk. Then again, it's entirely possible he won't give his parents a second thought until we arrive for lunch tomorrow, which will be awkward but after 25 years of this shit I couldn't be less concerned.

I'm being accused of either moving them or throwing them out (as if). He Always blames me when he can't find his stuff.
That really isn't ok is it? Neither is shouting and screaming in front of his children.
Are you really choosing this life and just "venting" about it on MN, instead of doing something about it?

Your child having to witness his dad lose his shit, shout and scream isn't OK, OP. Is this normal in your house?

is he neuro diverse and the head phones help him block things out and help him to stay calm?

A 49 year old man having a tantrum, right....he needs a booton the backside and told to grow the fuck up.
Your dc and you shouldn't have to put up with that shite at anytime of the year. He's cooking dinner for 12, bully oh, give that man a medal, there is no excuse for his behaviour. Prize twat comes to mind.

Seriously I’d tell him he needs to go to the doctor for help if this has left him fuming.

And I’d say it as an ultimatum.

I really struggle without my headphones so feel his pain but he’s acting like an absolute twat.

I’m getting really sick of stressed adults acting like idiots and ruining Xmas for the kids.

Yes it can be a stressful time but the kids don’t need to suffer because of it.

He needs to learn to keep his headphones in the same place so he doesn’t lose them.

I wouldn’t be happy with him accusing me of throwing them out.

This is my DP. If I misplace something it’s because I can’t take care of things. If he misplaces something it’s because I’ve moved it.

I can't stand people that can't remember where they left their stuff and then impact everyone else's day to help them search for it, why do they think they are so important that the rest of the world has to stop what they are doing to look for their belongings ? I would not put up with him ruining Christmas Eve. He needs to see a Doctor if he world is stressing him out whilst he puts the bin out.

This. The father is not the only person at fault in this scenario.

That's zero excuse!