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Original poster

Suddenly missing my horse after 17 years

5 replies

Candycane778 · 24/12/2024 00:50

TW horse loss and grief

Hello
My beautiful horse had to be put to sleep 17 years ago aged 26 and it knocked me for six at the time and I was terribly sad and tearful for a while after that awful day. After a couple of years I thought I was over losing her I still thought of her regularly but didn't cry when I did so and was able to have a beautifuI photo displayed of her in my living room. Well tonight I can't stop crying and am racked with guilt but am not sure why. She was always well fed, cared for and loved. I regret not spending as much time with her as i should have even though I know I did. I don't know why I'm having this kind of delayed reaction to her loss and it feels very raw as if it happened yesterday. I can't even look at her picture at the moment. She was there through some major life events and when I look back now I think to myself that she was there when I did this and that etc.
I've always suffered with my MH and don't know of this is exacerbating my sadness and making me feel worse than I should be.
I don't have anyone to talk to in real life. I've read that Blue Cross have a pet bereaved like which I might try after Christmas. Just need to acknowledge her as I loved her and always will. Sorry for rambling I'm so upset

OP posts:
Softdressesandblouses · 24/12/2024 05:58

I’m so sorry and send a big hug to you. Grief can strike us in all sorts of odd moments and perhaps it is the time of year that has triggered your memories. I think you need to allow yourself to sit with these feelings and memories of your horse and to acknowledge them and your love for her. Can you do a celebratory memorial-type thing for yourself, like a special meal or walk along the route you used to ride her, to pay your respects to both her and yourself? Take care & sending love.

WildFlowerBees · 24/12/2024 06:32

I'm sorry you're so upset, losing a companion is painful and it's ok to still feel the loss. As someone who's said goodbye to 2 horses, dogs and a parent I found that in those moments of grief when I allowed them I found that they passed quicker than if I resisted it.

Horses are such big animals with a big presence and you go from looking after them and being with them daily to nothing in the blink of an eye and it can be very traumatic being there for the end. Be gentle with yourself and remind yourself that it's ok to grieve in your own way in your own time.

plominoagain · 24/12/2024 06:48

I had my first pony from 13, until I was 44 . She was my absolute best friend and partner in crime for over 30 years , and like yours , she was there for many major life events , until she died with her head in my lap , and is now buried under the pear tree she could never resist stealing from. Since then , I’ve had and still have , other horses , and whilst I love them all , she is the one that left hoof prints on my heart . I miss her every day , and I’m 54 now.

It’s ok to miss your girl. She was loved and cherished , and I’m sure she knew that . Grief is the price we pay for love , and whilst guilt often is a part of that , it doesn’t need to be . Please be gentle with yourself . After my girl passed , we had our stable yard rebuilt , and having kept her last set of shoes , I had them mounted , one on each stable door , so she is part of our new one .

Original poster
Candycane778 · 25/12/2024 18:21

plominoagain · 24/12/2024 06:48

I had my first pony from 13, until I was 44 . She was my absolute best friend and partner in crime for over 30 years , and like yours , she was there for many major life events , until she died with her head in my lap , and is now buried under the pear tree she could never resist stealing from. Since then , I’ve had and still have , other horses , and whilst I love them all , she is the one that left hoof prints on my heart . I miss her every day , and I’m 54 now.

It’s ok to miss your girl. She was loved and cherished , and I’m sure she knew that . Grief is the price we pay for love , and whilst guilt often is a part of that , it doesn’t need to be . Please be gentle with yourself . After my girl passed , we had our stable yard rebuilt , and having kept her last set of shoes , I had them mounted , one on each stable door , so she is part of our new one .

Sorry to hear you lost your pony, it truly is awful isn't it 😢 thank you for telling me about her and sharing that. I did smile about her stealing pears from the tree bless her. They are such special and clever animals and cheeky sometimes too. It's lovely that you have her shoes on the new stables. I've also got one of my girl's shoes and my dad made it into a plaque with her name on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Candycane778 · 25/12/2024 18:22

Softdressesandblouses · 24/12/2024 05:58

I’m so sorry and send a big hug to you. Grief can strike us in all sorts of odd moments and perhaps it is the time of year that has triggered your memories. I think you need to allow yourself to sit with these feelings and memories of your horse and to acknowledge them and your love for her. Can you do a celebratory memorial-type thing for yourself, like a special meal or walk along the route you used to ride her, to pay your respects to both her and yourself? Take care & sending love.

Thank you for responding and your kindness
Really is much appreciated
Love the ideas and suggestions
Thank you

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