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Harrassment or just plain creepy?

2 replies

Keleshey · 23/12/2024 16:56

This might be a bit long just wanted to add context/backstory.

When I was 16yrs I developed a crush on a local fireman (26yrs) who lived near me. We ended up messing around a few times but then I heard he got engaged and told him we could no longer meet up. After that he would occasionally stop his car to offer me lifts, I only accepted once and that was a lift to school 🤮

I shortly after got into a serious relarionship and didnt see him for a few years. When I did see him out he came over telling me his marriage was a mistake, trying to buy me a drink and being a bit of a pain in the arse. I just brushed him off. At this point he gave me the total ick because I'd realised how wrong it was of him to have been fooling around with a school girl at the age of 26.

I see him around maybe once a year in passing, like in the supermarket or something. I smile and say hi but always make out I'm in a rush or something so that he doesnt get the chance to try to get into conversation with me.

Around 3 years ago he and his wife split.

I'm now 40 and I have had one conversation with him since I was 16 and that was the pub incident. Today he turned his car into the road I was walking along to ask if I wanted a lift, he only turned into that road because he'd seen me walk down it. I politely declined and walked on. He drove alongside slowly for a few minutes trying to get my attention and again asked if I wanted a lift saying he was going my way anyway (I live in the same street as the fire station so presumably he has seen me in that area). Again I politely declined and walked on quickly.

I then had to walk over a bridge and through a small estate to get to my house. It would be very easy to know which route I was taking home. About 5 minutes into my route I see his car ahead of me with the engine still running. He had anticipated my journey and tried to intercept me on my way home! There is absolutely no other reason for him to have been where he was at all, I can assure you he wasn't just dropping off a card for someone or similar. As soon as I saw his car I quickly called my mum so I'd have an excuse to not apeak with him. When I got closer and he saw I was on the phone he looked at me as though he was annoyed and sped off!

Obviously there is nothing I can do about this but for some reason it's really, really unnerved me and upset me. I think because I was stalked as a child for a few years and it leaves you feeling so powerless. I don't know now how to deal with this, what would you do? Should I message on Facebook saying it was inappropriate and to never approach me again? Do I leave it? He works a literally a few feet away and now he's made me feel uneasy. My boyfriend wants to go into the fire station tomorrow to tell whoever is in charge that his behaviour is out of order and alert them to it but this is too far right? Normally I'm good really good at speaking up and telling people to fuck off out of my space but something about him is so creepy it's like I'm afraid to upset him.

OP posts:
GoadyMcBigot · 24/12/2024 01:20

I’m absolutely not an expert but my gut feel would be to ignore completely other than to keep a record of these events. Do not contact him or make him aware you were bothered by his actions- I think this is what he is looking for. what he did was meant to intimidate you and you will be signalling he did and he’ll do it again.

But if he does this again then report via 101

and always remember you owe him nothing, absolutely nothing.

helpmyback · 24/12/2024 08:25

So he is 50 and his marriage of 20+ years ended? And he is still a firefighter?

It's very creepy after 24 years and also creepy is a 26 year old and a school girl. How does he know where you live after all this time?

Did you not get married?

I don't think one incident classes as harassment and the others are historical but note the dates times and actions

Eg 23.12.34 11:12am stopped can on high road to talk to me and followed me walking I car for 100m then drove off
He said xxx

23.12.24 11.17 waiting for me on corner of low road then sped off.

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