Does anyone spend Christmas with divorced parents?

[ohholynightt]

Pretty much this
My mum and dad divorced
Im an only child
They have no partners
So I wake up open presents with my partner then we go to my dads till 1pm and have dinner
Leave my dads at 2pm and go to my mums
Then leave there at 4pm
Back to my dads till 7pm then back to mums till 11pm
It's so draining but I can't leave them alone all day
This way they get Christmas Day with me etc and have a nice day
For me it's draining and can't drink as I'm driving (only 8 min drive between houses tho )
I can't wait for Boxing Day to relax
Then 27th me and partner are having a night away
Does anyone else do similar ?

Where is what you want in all this? Wouldn't you prefer a day you can enjoy? You are not responsible for your parents' happiness. See one on Christmas Eve, one on Boxing Day and spent Christmas Day doing something for you.

Christmas Eve is my birthday and me and partner have a day out
Go food /ice skating /panto so don't want to have to go to parents (awful to say but it's boring )
We just sit around and I put some music on to get some life in them but waste of time

Can they not both come to you if they don't have partners and are nearby?
Seems like a lot of faff.

Are they elderly? Just wondering why you have to go to each one twice in the day?

No that's absolutely mad. Go and have breakfast with one, lunch with the other and alternate each year. Evening back home just for you. What you are doing must be exhausting and no fun at all. Make this the last year you agree to this. You deserve a lovely Christmas too.

I share your pain, OP. Both sets of our parents were divorced and my parents in law really hated each other. My mum remarried and so I didn't feel too bad not seeing her on xmas day although I missed her terribly. Most years we had my dad and mother in law on Christmas Day, and then my mum and father in law on Boxing Day. I still remember vividly the first Christmas after my parents had separated and my mum hosted Christmas, and invited my father in law - he had quite a serious drink problem, got paraletic, and decided that he really fancied my mum. Every time she got up to check on the turkey he was out in the kitchen after her and we had to keep rescuing her. My mum and I were crying with laughter by the time we left.

We had a period of about 15 years when, apart from when we were on holiday, we never had an entire weekend to ourselves and always had at least one parent on Saturday or Sunday. But I agree, I could never have left them alone at Christmas.

That's crazy @ohholynightt and massively unfair on yout o be back and forwards all day.

Dd is 11 and her dad and I split (amicably no other person involved) 7 years ago. Whilst my fil was alive exdp did 1 year with his dad and then 1 year with all 3 of his kids. Since his dad died him and my dsc have come to me and we have done a huge family Christmas. This includes my dh. Dd and my dB.

Could you and your partner host both parents? Or go out for a Christmas meal?

That’s crazy. My dad isn’t longer with us, but when he was we would do one or other, some years my dad came over and had Christmas with my mum and stepfather, they always got on with each other. My grandparents had a very, very messy divorce and it was awful, my parents swore they’d never put each other or the rest of the family through that and true to their word were very amicable to the end.

I would invite them to you and if they can’t bare to be in the same room they can split the day surely. Seems very unfair that you’re running around because they’ve decided they don’t get on!

Why don't you have them both visiting you in different shifts and then you can drink and be in one place

Can't you spend Christmas morning with one and Christmas afternoon with the other, then have Christmas Day evening at home? Why do you have to go back again for the second visit? Do they both hate each other so much that you can't all celebrate together in the one house?

Visiting each of them twice in one day is insane.

Are they demanding you do this, or have you created a rod for your own back?

I wouldn't go to both in one day, let alone go twice to their houses!

My ILs are divorced and have come to ours the last 2 years. Previous years my FIL was at his then-partner's family's house and often MIL has gone to one of her sisters'.

I'd either invite them both to yours (assuming they can be civil) or I'd do alternate years and let them go to another relative. They're adults who have chosen the situation they're in. They can either put up with each other, work out their plans or just enjoy some of their day by themselves.

My parents are divorced, for almost 30 years and my Dad still spends Christmas at my Mums with us.

As others have said, this is mad. Say you're not doing it next year. Have them come to you - one for a late breakfast, one for Christmas dinner.

And where do your partner's parents feature in this? One year won't you want to spend it with them?

I am split from my children's father and I have been talking to them about Christmas being a season rather than all focussed on one day.
We have always seen family (grandparents, cousins etc) over the weeks around Xmas Day & NY because they live all over the country.
When my kids are older I won't expect to always see them on Xmas Day but will be happy to see them at some point over the season.
I think it's unreasonable for parents to
always expect to see their adult children every Xmas Day.

They are both 82
I feel really guilty leaving them alone
If I only visited and left I wouldn't enjoy my dad knowing they were sat on their own

Can they not be together, even just one day a year?

Better than DH parents who used to have Christmas together till FIL died. When I met DH they had been divorced for a decade and the youngest child was 29 by then. It was just an awful undertone. MIL was on edge all the time, he was a curmudgeonly old git.

Visit each one once not all the to and fro.