A thread for those who are struggling this Christmas.

[LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaa]

Morning all,

I know Christmas isn’t a joyful time for all of us, I am struggling due to a recent bereavement and the loss of a sibling ten years ago so just trying to put a brave face on for the kids.

If you are struggling for any reason, this is the place for you.

Raising a glass for our missing loved ones this Christmas

For anyone who likes to let their grief out by singing really badly to sad songs (it’s Marjorie by Taylor Swift).

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hP6QpMeSG6s&dp_isNewTab=1&dp_referrer=serp&dp_allowFirstVideo=1

Morning all. I've woken up feeling more resilient this morning. Here's to getting through....

Thank you for this thread.

It's my first Christmas ever without my mum who I lost earlier this year to MND. She was my best friend and I miss her amazing vibrant fun personality so very much.

I would've liked to do something completely different for this first Christmas without her helping me prep, cheating at games, overindulging everyone with gifts, but sadly that was not meant to be.

I'm single. I have three adult children and one of them will spend the day with me with her new partner and I am determined to make the best of it.

Christmas has been looming in the back of my mind for weeks and weeks and I'm sure I will share a few tears and raise a glass of champagne to my amazing mum, but with the help of therapy, medication and time I have realised that life does indeed carry on and my mum would want me to be living the life that she did, not sat around moping for her.

My children were all very, very close to my mum and my one disappointment is how heartless they are being at this time of year. Ironically, the one I am spending Christmas with is the one I least anticipated to be bothered so that does mean a lot.

I'm really saddened by some of the posts I've read on this thread however if I knew any of you, you would be welcome at my table for Christmas. I've offered too many single friends who have all said they would rather be alone and I get that because I would at times But it does break my heart. My own son will wake up on Christmas Day alone and then spend the day with a friend at their family Christmas and I hate that, but he has chosen that and nothing I can say will change his mind.

Love and peace to everybody xx

I've got bipolar and currently on a section 3 in hospital with no leave to see kids at Christmas. This year sucks.

💐flowers for all those mourning a loved one. I'm sorry. This is my first without my Uncle but we only communicated by letter so not the same as others losses. My Auntie, by marriage, hasn't sent me a card so I'm worrying about how she's managing.

This is my first Christmas since my divorce. He's living with his mum. Tomorrow I take some of our children to see their grandmother where ex h will have his "new" girlfriend but hasn't told one of the dc who will be there. Of course I've told them all. I'm dreading it. Won't stop long. Will leave the kids if they want and go back for them as ex h will chose to drink rather than bring them home. GF I'm the mix too, in the car, leave her there, take her back first..

I’m not really feeling it this year. Am alone (not for the first time) but this year feels different. I was always closer to my mum’s side of the family for various reasons out of my control and they have all passed away now. Dad’s side have long chosen to forget I exist. I’ve mostly spent Christmas with my sister since losing my parents but she’s away this year.

The most common phrase I’ve heard this year is “I’d invite you to ours but …”. Which I get. People have families and the last thing I want to be is a third wheel but it still stings knowing that we were always the first to make sure people weren’t on their own. I know it’s only one day but it’s still hard to accept that you’re no one’s priority I guess, especially when you get marketing hype around family.

Sending hugs to all those having a lonely Christmas x

Morning @fluckityfluckfluck I am so glad you’re feeling a bit better this morning. I’ve had a little cry now it’s time to put my brave face on!

@nugg I am so sorry to read about the loss of your lovely mum. I hope the day is gentle for you, and you have a lovely day with your child x

@Th1me that sounds really tough, I hope you get the right support and next year is much better for you. We’ll all be here throughout the day if you’re feeling lonely.

@2025willbemytime it’s a good job they’ve got you, because your ex sounds like a twat! Why hasn’t he told the kids?! Remember you can leave whenever you want and I hope you have something nice planned for yourself.

@CatMum27 I’m sorry that nobody has been kind enough to extend an invitation to you. There is something wrong with them, not you. Wouldn’t it be lovely if all of us could get together tomorrow and nobody felt lonely? I will be thinking of you, and hope the day passes peacefully with moments of joy for you. Be kind to yourself.

Still sending lots of love to all xx

Thanks for this thread. I'm really struggling with my mental health due to a new job, and just want Christmas to be over! I don't have the energy for all the small talk and pretending but have to for my kids.

Christmas brings up lots of bad memories and how my family are useless, also we lost of dog this year so missing her so much.

Sending strength to everyone

I'm dreading it, really really dreading it. We lost my Mum earlier this month, she loved Christmas and always made a big deal of it, she'd done so much of the prep already, but won't be here to enjoy it.

We've got the funeral before new year too.

Thank you @LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaa for the comment about leaving when I want to. Struggling a bit in case I want to, the kids don't but they don't want to stay without me. Of course I'd then stay but yes, he's a twat and he doesn't talk to them about anything important. Lied about the reason for the split and tried to blame me for what he did. Also has never asked them how they are or if they are okay. As for thinking this is the day they meet her..

@Sunshinekim are you ok? Is job hunting in the new year an option? No job is worth your mental health x. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dog, they’re like family aren’t they?

@WorriedRelative oh lovely, everything is so raw for you. We lost my stepmum mid December and being surrounded by happy families, Christmas averts and decorations everywhere while we’re grieving has been almost torturous. I am so very sorry x

Thank you. Really struggling with severe anxiety, and finding it so hard to switch off over Xmas. Yes I think I'll be looking for something new if still feel like this in January. So hard to know what's best to do!

This is the first Christmas without my mum.

And yesterday my DH was taken very ill. He will be spending the next week or 10 days in a cardiac ward. DC is at home, which helps, but it's not much fun.

Sending you gentle hugs and hoping your DH is home and well soon x

Lost my mum last year. The only people I have in the world are DH and adult DS and sister. I just feel sad and lonely. I also feel guilty that my only child has such a tiny family.

Wow, that's really shabby behaviour by your family and the exact opposite of what Christmas is supposed to be about.

Wishing you a brilliant 2025.

Yes I'm struggling due to my husband's affair and knowing that all past Christmases with him was a lie and also that this is our last as a family ..I'm divorcing him after Xmas

I split with my husband of 23 years in October. I have a teenage son. He was having an affair and left during the night

Thanks for giving us all this space to open up, OP.

My closest friend lost her three-year battle with cancer in September, aged only 58. I miss her so very, very much every day - but especially today. Today would have been her birthday.

Best wishes to you @MaMisled x

Sending big hugs to everyone on this thread and thanks to @LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaa for starting it, I don't think anyone in RL knows how hard Christmas will be for me...

DP is off work for two weeks and sits around moaning if asked to help with food shopping, food prep, cleaning, cooking, looking after the DC... you get the picture, essentially he just wants to sit on the sofa and be waited on hand and foot whilst controlling what we all watch on TV I've asked him to come for a walk with us, play a game with the DC, help wrap presents for his family - nothing, just gets a face on and sits on his bum more. AND YET he will then moan that he has put loads of weight on over Christmas, I have fed him too much/ the wrong things, etc etc. I honestly can't do right for doing wrong!

He had a massive falling out with PIL this year for family-related reasons - I don't entirely blame him but neither do I want to stop the DC seeing their grandparents, who (whatever their faults as parents) do love the DC dearly. FIL has been pretty poorly this year, I said I'd take the DC round to see them over Christmas - DP obviously heard 'on Christmas Day' and is now moaning that we're probably going Boxing Day instead - but I didn't decide either way, it's been up to FIL and which day he thought he'd feel well enough for visitors.

I did wonder earlier whether DP is actually showing the early stages of dementia, he's been pretty forgetful and his mood swings are getting worse, I'm walking on eggshells the majority of the time for when he finds something he doesn't like/ perceives is wrong - his uncle developed dementia in his mid-70s, DP is only 55 though. Just another thing to worry about for me

Oh @LibbySarjeant , just leave. Seriously. This is not a good relationship.

Thank you for starting this thread.

Today is the anniversary of my son's birth - and his death less than an hour later. He'd be a teenager now.

I still wonder what kind of life he would have had, and feel guilty that his passing wasn't more comfortable for him. We were promised appropriate palliative care, if we allowed him to come off the ventilator. It didn't happen.

My poor love, I wish it could've been different. Have a turn on the heavenly dance floor for me, and save one for me when I get there one day

Lost my partner 3 months ago struggling but putting on. Brave face for my children. really miss him

Doesn't sound like much compared to some but I will be dealing with a very difficult relative over Christmas. Alcoholic who has spoilt Christmas for the past few years but who I can't turn away. I already feel like it will be particularly challenging tomorrow due to recent chaotic behaviour.

The general MN consensus is always to cut contact and set boundaries but I can't seem to do it. It will be a juggling act keeping them in check and ensuring my dc are happy and unaware.

I look at friends who can go to their families over Christmas and be surrounded by love and not have to lift a finger and still have a magical day and I know I will be run ragged and emotionally drained after mine.

Also missing some very important family members after bereavements over the last 5 years which is always hard.

I've tried to make it as special as I can for my dc. Dh is great and will help with the cooking. But I'm already looking forward to Boxing Day when it's all over.