Does my best friend still see me as a colleague?

[Jay647]

Hey everyone.

Just after an opinion. I met my best friend through work a few years ago and basically the building closed down so we all lost our jobs. About 10 of us kept in touch via messenger but me and my best friend weren't just old colleagues and we'd became best friends the past 2 years so whenever we meet up every month, it was always me and her. I'd go to hers, she'd come to me. We did try and have a reunion with our old colleagues but everytime we made plans they would always fall through.

I haven't seen my best friend in 3 months but we talk all the time but the other week we were saying we need a night out or I go to hers, she comes to mine. When discussing this she said she would post in the chat to see if the rest of the chat want to join us since we'd recently tried to arrange something. I felt a bit off because I hadn't seen her in a few months and we had developed a best friend friendship whereas the rest were just old colleagues who we had seen once or twice in 2 years for a reunion.

I'm worried my best friend sees me as an old colleague and that everytime we try and arrange something now, she's going to suggest we try and invite others.

Am i being paranoid?

Any opinion is welcome. Thank you.

My opinion is that this “best friend” stuff sounds a little immature?
what does that mean to you? And why do you need to have one best friend?

that aside, because she’s invited she others this time doesn’t mean she necessarily sees your friendship the same as theirs. Maybe just try and arrange something with only her soon afterwards.

but it is possible she doesn’t see your friendship the same way you do.

i would also query if it’s a “best friendship” if you don’t see each other for months?

Ditch the 'best friend' nonsense as it just puts pressure on the friendship.

It’s the time of year when people tend to get together in groups, maybe that’s all that’s happened here, people often make more effort for Christmas so perhaps she thought there would be a better chance of the others joining you this time. But also, friendships do ebb and flow, lives change. The concept of best friend does seem a little rigid, maybe she is pulling away a little, maybe other factors in her life mean she has less time at the moment. I would try not to worry too much.

You're not being paranoid, but you are reacting with threat and anxiety to the signals you are picking up that there's an imbalance in how you see the friendship and how she does. It's ok, you can be old work colleagues and friends. She sounds like she is someone who likes to include people, that's nice. Good friends can drift a bit and then enjoy coming back together. They don't have obligation in the relationship or demand exclusivity. Be open to how she wants things.

It sounds a little intense OP, lay off with the 'best friend' bit and just go with the flow. It's possible that you value this friendship more than your friend does.

Thank you for your message. I appreciate it.

We both have busy lives and lives and we live about 40 minutes drive from each other so its difficult to see each other all the time but we make sure to communicate all the time. She's been my rock and helped me through a lot so we've always been very close.

I think I just worry in case I lose her friendship.

In the nicest way Op

Have you been there for her too as your last update reads like she has supported you greatly but nothing about her needs.
Maybe she just wants a fun Christmas meet up and wants to dilute the chance of you having lots to off-load by inviting everyone.

I suggest you drop the whole "best friends" thing. She is your friend, and she wants to catch up with you along with everyone else you used to know. That is ok for friends to do, they don't need to be alone every time they meet.

One thing that will drive her away at speed is if you cling to the idea of being best friends and just the two of you meeting, give her space.

Tbh I doubt she sees you as either "just a colleague" or a best friend.

It's pretty normal to become close friends with someone when you're in a phase of life where you see each other a lot (college, work, school gate etc) and then drift a bit when you move on. Not a big deal. Two years isn't that long tbh, most adult women I know have been close to their best friends for literally ten times that long. It would be very normal for your friendship to evolve into one where you see each other a few times a year at this stage.

Thanks for everyone's messages, I do appreciate them.

When we meet up we always keep it fun because its a chance for us both to unwind so we never go deep about stuff in person.

Yes I'm always there for her, I'd say we have a good balance and it's just never just me with issues, she's said many times I'm her rock too. We never judge each other and I think I am a bit paranoid because I love our friendship and its hard to explain but we just get each other.

Don't overthink it then, you have something lovely and she's done nothing but make a suggestion. Enjoy the friendship.