What is the Fundamental Reason Why I’m Being Bullied in this Situation?

[sarahlayton06]

I have autism and social anxiety and when at school, I always sit by myself during breaks and always want to participate in independent work not group work. This isn’t because I look down on others or dislike others; it’s because I find small talk uncomfortable and draining and because I have niche interests that others tend to not be interested in. Also, I just like the peace and quiet of being by myself.

However, for some reason my peers at school have always had some sort of issue with this. I’m very intelligent and always get good grades and dont behave in a “weird way” that the stereotypical image of an autistic person would come across as. There are some other neurodivergent people at school who are visibly so and behave in really peculiar behaviours which can make them come across as odd but I don’t. Yet, for some reason I’m always picked on by my peers.

If it was a case of them bullying me for me being myself or my reclusiveness, why don’t they bully the other neurodivergent people who are noticeably so whereas I’m not? Is it because they don’t consider me to be autistic but see me as being normally and find my behaviour more odd than that of someone who is visibly autistic and acts in an odd way?

Ive heard some friends who got to know me better and told me that I was different to how they first assumed say to me that by sitting by myself I often come across as though I don’t like others and look down on others. But, why would that be the case when I don’t feel that way?

Also, what would be the purpose of people mocking me or bullying me when I do nothing wrong and just want to be left alone? Again, it’s not just about me having no friends to support me and being a weak target as the aforementioned visibily autistic people don’t have friends either and are weak targets but aren’t attacked. So, what’s going on?

If people are visibly disabled either physically or through their behaviour some people feel sorry for them and will not expect them to stick to the normal social rules. (Others will - I am physically disabled).

If you are not visibly disabled either through your behaviour or obviously physically in general people expect you to stick to the social rules. These include making small talk (which nobody likes) to help make everybody in the group comfortable.

So someone who is visibly autistic through their behaviour - eg repeatedly asking questions about the routine of the event, wearing noise cancelling headphones etc has an obvious explanation for their behaviour.

If you look "normal" and don't work with others or speak to others at breaks they will assume that you do not like them and will act accordingly.

I recommend a sunflower lanyard and ear defenders.

You may not appreciate being treated as disabled once you have experienced it though.

Also, what would be the purpose of people mocking me or bullying me when I do nothing wrong and just want to be left alone?

This is the case for everyone bullied.

A bully bullies because they can. There is no logical reason to it.

I'm sorry OP 💐

IMO, bullies only get what they want when there's a clear pecking order and people to bully. When someone threatens that by not following the 'rules' (by not wanting/caring to fit in) the whole existence of that pecking order, and therefore their 'power' is threatened.

As to why more visibly autistic people are left alone - I think we (finally!!) have a bit of stigma around picking on people with disabilities. Somehow, picking on someone clearly autistic would make you a monster - but picking on someone who's just different is much more socially acceptable.

Agree with all this and agree bullying logically doesn’t make sense but it happens. I would suggest telling your teacher and fellow pupils that you are autistic, if you haven’t already.
People who could pass as neurotypical can have a socially really hard time. People can sense there is something different but cant quite put their finger on it.

Your aloofness makes you stand out to them.
Imagine your class is a flock of sheep, with everyone doing the same things and then there's you who in their eyes isn't joining in or one of them.

That's why a an individuals may notice you and then get others to torment you.

Agree with all the above. Bullies don't have sensible reasons!

As to why you've seemed like an appropriate target, you already know:

told me that by sitting by myself I often come across as though I don’t like others and look down on others.

To them, you come across as thinking you're too good for them. Naturally (if irrationally), they want to bring you down a peg or two.

why would that be the case when I don’t feel that way?

They cannot see how you feel. All they see is that you don't want to join in.

I don't know whether it's a good idea to go over and say "Hi. It might seem a little odd that I stay by myself at break, just wanted you to know it's because I have autism." I have no experience of this, so don't do that if better-informed posters say not to!