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Original poster

Is there anything to stop her taking everything?

29 replies

FruitPolos · 21/12/2024 11:59

My parents are divorced and remarried. I have a brother and my step mother (DSM) has a daughter (so my step sister).

DF has quite a lot of money squirreled away. He has worked at a high level most of his adult life. DSM worked part time all her life and never contributed to any bills, mortgage etc. (DF has told me this).

The other day he told me that he and my DSM have a will that states if one dies, everything goes to the remaining spouse and when that spouse dies it will be split three ways between me, DB and DS-Sis.

He's not in the best of health and it's highly likely he will pass before her.

So in that event, is there anything in place that would prevent DSM changing her will after to give everything to DS-Sis? (This is likely, given the type of person she is).

And before you all jump on me, this isn't about me trying to get my DF's money. I honestly couldn't care less if I inherit anything or not. DH and I are already substantially well off.

But I'm curious if there is anything in place to protect DF's last wishes. Plus DB isn't as fortunate as me and I wouldn't want him to lose out.

OP posts:
Bachboo · 21/12/2024 12:03

Tell him he is being far too trusting as his wife could change her will and you could get nothing. Advise him to leave you something separately in his will

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/12/2024 12:04

Yes, this is called sideways disinheritance.

InfoSecInTheCity · 21/12/2024 12:12

No.

This is basically what's happened with me and my brothers.

Mum died, dad inherited.

Dad remarried then died 5 years later and SM inherited everything.

There's a possibility she'll leave us something in her will but she has since remarried so it's really unlikely I think.

jollygreenpea · 21/12/2024 12:14

If your father dies first his will will mean absolutely nothing. The only way to make sure his wishes are acted upon is with a trust.

He really needs to set one up asap.

westisbest1982 · 21/12/2024 12:30

jollygreenpea · 21/12/2024 12:14

If your father dies first his will will mean absolutely nothing. The only way to make sure his wishes are acted upon is with a trust.

He really needs to set one up asap.

Yep - I’m in a similar situation and from what I’ve found out online, if your dad dies before her, everything will go to her, so the will is irrelevant.

Cornflakelover · 21/12/2024 12:38

If they own a house your father can split the deeds so that his half goes to his kids
the wife has the right to stay in the house and maintain it
when she dies you get your half / fathers half
wifes daughter gets her half

FigTreeInEurope · 21/12/2024 12:50

He will have put the will in a trust. Its very common. She can't change anything in his will.

MumChp · 21/12/2024 12:52

You won't see a penny if dad dies first.

samedifferent · 21/12/2024 12:55

This is what will happen in our family because the step parent is the same age as the dc.
You just need to let the money go in your head and make your own.

Maddy70 · 21/12/2024 12:56

My dad died. Left ot all to my step mum. She has it in her eill that we have a share on her. Death but she could change it at any time time

Original poster
FruitPolos · 21/12/2024 12:57

samedifferent · 21/12/2024 12:55

This is what will happen in our family because the step parent is the same age as the dc.
You just need to let the money go in your head and make your own.

This is what I thought and I've accepted it, but DB is quite resentful.

OP posts:
user87349287657 · 21/12/2024 12:57

Once DF has died, it'll be SM’s to do with as she wishes.
This has just happened to a friend, their mum died when they were teenagers dad has recently died without any will at all, so new wife inherits everything. In this case it is millions. I can’t fathom why a successful businessman has buried his head in the sand about his children’s legacy, some of which would have been part of their mother’s estate.

Mamabear999 · 21/12/2024 12:59

We have that type of will now in our 40’s but as we age we will def change it due to care fees. If your father passes away and leaves everything to his wife then all their assets could be used for her care and there would be nothing left. If he split his share between his kids on his death then that would be wiser. He could have a provision for his wife to stay in the house for the rest of her life though.

slightlydistrac · 21/12/2024 13:00

He needs to speak to a solicitor and make his wishes known.

westisbest1982 · 21/12/2024 13:06

If he split his share between his kids on his death then that would be wiser.

But as I understand it, what he stipulated in his will about splitting his assets wouldn’t matter because it would all automatically go to his wife upon his death. So OP’s dad should instead make a will.

Imbusytodaysorry · 21/12/2024 13:30

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/12/2024 12:04

Yes, this is called sideways disinheritance.

It’s what my sp is doing .
4 kids. 1 hers .
All left to her.
Also if they both go at same time . Her half goes to her son . My df half gets split 4 ways .
My df has paid all his earnings in since they married been together over 30 odd years .
As kids we got very little . Nothing changing in that department .

She holds the purse stings Df doesn’t do anything without asking .

He used his card for a toilet once and she called to ask if he had just spent 50p.
No lie . I was with him he was actulay allowed to do something to help me that day.

PullTheBricksDown · 21/12/2024 13:42

Always seems like a weird choice this. If you're making a will at all, why not leave money or assets to the people you actually want to have them, rather than kicking the can down the road for someone else to deal with a few years later? Makes me suspect there is some fudged wish to placate the wife and make his life easy right now, while thinking 'ah well, if I say that's what I want her to do, it's her fault not mine if she doesn't do it later, and anyway I won't be around to deal with the fallout'

Browningstown · 21/12/2024 13:45

Highly likely that will happen.

I have NEVER heard of that being honoured and it is a live issue with one of my friends family at the moment.

So much so that her brother has told his father very clearly that he will never forgive him not protecting his legacy from their mother.

He wanted him to know that his mother is turning in her grave knowing he has handed everything over to another woman and her 2 children.

His step mother was furious and asked him to leave, but he doesn't care, he wanted it off his chest.

My friend certainly wouldn't have done this but she understands her brothers anger.

His father remarried 10 years ago and married a woman who took over his life home and controlled him.
She is 20 years younger than him and only 8 years older than my friend.

She will be set up for life.
Her foolish father was very distressed apparently to hear how his son feels🙄

This has happened to several people I know, including my best friend 30 years ago.

I actually agree with her brother for getting it off his chest.
Why should his father go to his grave thinking this was the correct thing to do.
Only shit parents do this to their children.
Now he knows exactly what his son thinks of him.

I have zero sympathy for him and weak men like him.

smooththecat · 21/12/2024 13:46

Many parents seem oblivious or just don’t seem to care when they remarry that they may well be disinheriting their children. I don’t get it.

Tlaloc999 · 21/12/2024 14:25

You are right to focus on this. When my DM (long career, money inherited from her parents) died she left all to DF. He remarried. DSM, who had no assertts of her own, moved into our family home. When DF died all went to DSM. I think she intended to do the decent thing and split the estate between the children from his first marriage and her DC.( all adults when she married DF btw) But she never got round to writing a will, so our family house all my parents money went to her DC. They did not even give us our childhood photo albums!

The law needs to change to take account of remarriage among older people. In many European countries children automatically get 50% of a parent‘s estate (in trust if there is a surviving spouse)

samedifferent · 21/12/2024 14:39

This is what I thought and I've accepted it, but DB is quite resentful.

I have sympathy with your DB but unless your dad sets up a trust there really isn't much hope for any inheritance. It could have been eaten up in care home fees instead or cruises.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 21/12/2024 14:49

She can change her will at any time in favour of her daughter, or anybody else

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 21/12/2024 15:04

Nothing to stop her, as PP have said. The resentment should really be with your DF; it his role to sort this.

I expect DH to take care of SDC, that’s not my role either.

user23124 · 21/12/2024 15:19

user87349287657 · 21/12/2024 12:57

Once DF has died, it'll be SM’s to do with as she wishes.
This has just happened to a friend, their mum died when they were teenagers dad has recently died without any will at all, so new wife inherits everything. In this case it is millions. I can’t fathom why a successful businessman has buried his head in the sand about his children’s legacy, some of which would have been part of their mother’s estate.

He did it because he wanted to. He didn't care about his children. It's hard to accept by true

endofthelinefinally · 21/12/2024 15:21

That is a really foolish will. I assume he didn't take any legal advice. I am sorry. Unless you can persuade him to get proper advice you will have to be prepared to get nothing.

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