Dating someone with a different world view

[flowersrain1]

Interested to hear others' opinions...

I am currently dating a guy who I am very attracted to. He is totally different to my exes who were professionals and university educated, current guy is a bricklayer. I am from a middle class background; he is from a working class background. I am fairly liberal in my world view whereas he is not - he grew up and still lives in a town where there has been a lot of immigration and a lack of assimilation so this has coloured his view on immigration and the problems in this country,. I have not experienced this so don't feel the same way. He isn't racist and has friends of other races etc but has a problem with those who don't integrate, and with the government for allowing this. I enjoy debating this topic with him as I exist in an echo chamber a lot of the time and he does raise points that I would not have considered otherwise but I am wondering if maybe this means we are not compatible? Otherwise we have similar values - family ties, loyalty etc etc.

Im not sure if these things need to be debated more than once. You either agree to disagree or it will be a constant thing. I would respect the views of someone who is speaking of their personal experiences in their town, who may have seen issues with immigrants and integration. But if that person transferred that view to avoiding a person from a particular race or making sweeping generalisations then I couldn't tolerate that.

Not sure if this is just a thing my veiled thread about immigration or not, but to answer your question OP, in my opinion, no. I was in a relationship for two years with a former Catholic priest. Gorgeous, funny guy who ticked a lot of boxes for me but ultimately his world view, his view of marriage and husband/wife roles, politics were in some aspects totally different to mine and completely set in stone. When I realised this I realised there was never going to be a long and happy future.

thinly veiled*

Where does ‘different world view’ shade into ‘anti-immigrant’? Where does ‘they have to integrate’ become ‘nasty foreigners with their smelly foods and gibberish languages’?

I mean, I wouldn’t last a conversation with him, far less a relationship, but as I was for many years one of those non-integrated immigrants, I suppose he wouldn’t have countenanced a date, anyway.

No. If you have fundamentally different beliefs and backgrounds, ultimately, no, it can't work long-term. There will come a point that neither of you can compromise on.

You’re attracted to him and you respect his point of view, these are good things in a relationship. It might help to get closer to what the problem is exactly? Do you disagree with him to the extent that he must be rejected? Or do you believe his viewpoint is ultimately less valid than yours?

I think this more a thinly veiled thread about terrible, racist, WC people.

It's all a bit Lady Chatterley isn't it? The 'working class' love opening the OP's eyes to a different world view. There's still something a bit patronising about it though.

I live in a town which has historically had a lot of immigration, and there are a lot of people who are like boyfriend. Scratch the surface and it is just straight forward racism - there is nothing nuanced about it. The minute someone says something like 'those that don't integrate' they are creating a group of 'others' and that is the start of dehumanising people.

How would they compare the people who 'don't integrate' with the British who have moved to other countries? They get called 'ex pats' not 'immigrants'. Most don't make an attempt to learn the language or culture, many only socialise with each other. Does he not like these people who don't integrate?

When it comes down to it, it is generally a problem with people who are brown. Unless they by chance become friends with one at which point they become an honorary white person in the group.

But there will be recent immigrants who integrate in varying levels and there will be immigrants from years ago who also integrate in varying levels. The fact that he brings this up as something to discuss in the first place would put me off to be honest.

I have a pretty good idea of where you are describing and you have expressed your lived experience well.

I am very much working class but work in a very middle class dominated profession. I would describe where I trained as wonderfully diverse and integrated multi ethnic multi faith over a 100 years and opened my eyes to a wider world.

Where I live is currently undergoing rapid changes in the last 20 years . A predominantly white working class area now very different than it was when I was a child. In 80 years it will be the same as where I trained hopefully. But the lived experience from my friends and family is very different to some of my non WC colleagues who unfortunately sneer down their noses at the uneducated poor whilst living in a predominantly white MC area.

I am just trying to figure this out for myself. It is me who described myself as living in an echo chamber - I seek out people with similar beliefs as friends and I follow pages on social media that reinforce my world view. I have never really considered the other side of the argument to be valid but also have never explored it. I have only met this guy a few times and it was on the last date that we really debated it. He was fine with me disagreeing with him. I am trying to work out whether his views are a dealbreaker for me or understandable given his life experience, that is all.

Only you can decide. My partner and I have differing views on things. It used to bother me a lot but now I have come to realise that he can have his own opinions, I don’t have to agree with him on everything and when we do have different views, don’t argue about it, just each say your points respectfully and move on…

@Gc1992 thank you. In the past I may have tried to convince others I'm right but maybe this is the time in my life where I learn to say my piece and move on