Do you think you can have it all?

[JennyTals]

Or do you think that’s unrealistic ?

I’m not married any more but I do have a great career where I can work exactly when and how I want, 3 DCs who I am always there for, a good social life, plenty of hobbies and I eat healthily and exercise every day.

It’s taken me until my forties to get there though.

I don't think so, but then, I don't want it all.

It probably looked like I did a few years ago. 2 lovely DCs, a partner with a good job, comfortable house and a foreign holiday (usually long haul) every year.

However, I was being abused and the house, while comfortable, was a total mess and rather dirty because exDP refused to put anything away or even put rubbish in the bin - hence the place was impossible to clean.

I think you can have it all over a lifetime but not all at once

There must be a reason for this thread to have been started.

I wonder if the OP is going to come back and explain what it is.

It’s whatever it all means to you

to me it means an amazing work life/business
happy marriage
Great relationship with your children who are happy and doing well
amazing social life
hibbys and interests
great relationships with extended family
time to continue to develop and learn
fitness and wellbeing
making a positive contributing in your local community

I think it’s very hard to have it all, all at once
does get easier as kids get older

Well first what is 'all'?

I have all of those things except ‘making a positive contribution in my local community’. However, I don’t care about that, and the average house price around here is circa £1m, so I assume my local community is doing just fine.

So, yes. I do think you can have it all. I suspect it’s considerably harder if you’re not quite financially comfortable, however.

I ment like a charity in your area

I work for a national non-profit, so I suppose that covers that base.

Yes and no but probably not all.at the same time.

I had a fabulous first career, own house in London, lifestyle, etc. Met DH, had a baby but ds1 was sickly so I gave up work and had 8 wonderful years at home because there was no family support and baby was too sick for nursery/nannies (totally recovered). I went back to work 7 years later and forged a new career and got to the top of it.

So, sort of. On the face of it I/we have everything: Beautiful houses here and in France, clever and successful grown up children, successful DH, happily married for 33 years. Can have whatever I want. DS2 though would have been 27 this summer - so no, we don't have everything and would have swapped it in a heartbeat if ds2 could have survived.

I have all of that apart from the extended family on my side. They are all dead. Not much I can do about that bit.

Someone’s having it all is very different than another’s version.

To me having it all is- my DH and children all happy and healthy, my animals and lively dog walks and homemade meals in a warm house. That’s it! I don’t need a big career job, designer stuff . But I do want a log fire and my friends over for cups of tea and board games!

Yes totally agree having it all, really does depend on what that means to you .
animals are so important to some and not others
personally I adore them

just as you define your own idea of success

@JennyTals yeah as I think the vision we have when someone says … can you have it all… conjures up model like married couples with perfect kids, big house, exec jobs and lovely holidays etc but to me that’s not what I aspire to have. To me having it all means very simply being happy. I learnt that when I was young that the purpose of my life was simply to be happy and to work out what that was. My children, walking my dog , chatting with friends, having a cup of tea with DH is to me having it all …. Oh and health…. Health is my big one I must have .

At 50 years old, I think I probably “have it all”.

I’m a partner in a regional law firm so earn enough to have a reasonable standard of living. I worked hard but had a lot of support from family to get here.
I have a great relationship with my ex and we’ve raised 2 young men who we’re proud of.
My BF of 5 years treats me well and I adore him. We have no intention of ever living together.
I have a handful of close friends who I’ve known since teenagers. We socialise and support each other.
Labradors and horses are my hobbies. I get up early for the gym… testosterone helps!
I’m trustee and volunteer at a local bereavement charity set up by my friend.
My mum died last year (so I guess I don’t have it all) but my Dad and brother are close to me. We’re all in good health.

I know I’m very lucky.

It really depends how you define "all". Not everyone wants the same things, and some expectations are more realistic and achievable than others.

I have all I ever wanted and still have plenty of dreams and objectives I want to achieve in the future.

Yes but only if you have the right support ( family support).

That reads more like a “do it all” list, so no I don’t have it all but I don’t want it all either, going by your list.

I’m happy and contented, which is enough for me.

'Having it all' is unique to each person.

I feel that I have it all, in that I have everything I have ever wanted which could look entirely different to the next person, but I appreciate how fortunate I am to be able to say that.

An intelligent, loving, kind, considerate husband who shares my dark humour, political beliefs and values.
A healthy sex life.
A big, beautiful house that is decorated just how I want and stays immaculate because I am a housewife.
Having all the time in the world to enjoy my home, gardening, cooking nice meals for my family each day, pursing my interests, seeing my family and friends whenever I like.
Time to myself.
Great Stepkids.
My beautiful cats.
Great neighbours.
A nice car.
Friends who are like sisters.
A close loving family who will do anything for one another, amazing parents and sisters.
No financial worries.
Financial security in the form of investment properties and life insurances.

I don’t see why you think this is so terribly difficult, unless you have vast numbers of young children. Most people I know have children, fulfilling careers, friends, hobbies, and volunteer.

The ‘great relationships with extended family’ is partly down to said extended family, though.

Each to their own. Everything is subjective, isn't it? Not everyone wants the same things in life and what suits one person would be intolerable for someone else. I'd have given my eye-teeth (for instance) to have stayed at home full time with dc and not had to bother about earning a living. Other people have a career they love and would resent having to put it on hold.

For most people, I would say that a variety of circumstances beyond their control prevent them from 'having it all' - whatever 'all' is.

Oh I totally agree it’s what success means to you

But I would say "success" isn't always about relationships.
As a PP said you can't force relationships with extended family who don't want it

Nobody can have a stellar career AND be fully present for all family members AND have a healthy and solid marriage AND have a healthy and solid social life AND have outside interests/pursuits AND exercise and stay healthy, even if they can outsource everything else.

And this is so true
Also OP your use of the word "amazing" at everything
"Amazing social life" I wonder if our thresholds of fun would be the same and if we would enjoy the same social occasions
What is your definition of amazing?