Hello all,
Not sure where to post this, so hoping chat is okay.
I’m not sure what I need from this thread, maybe just some kind words so I don’t feel so alone? I’m going to be a little vague so as I don’t make it too identifiable.
I feel like I’m about to burn out, and I don’t know how to stop it or what to do.
I work 32 hours a week (long days over 3 days, then some minor weekend cover). I also have some on call work but this is very sporadic and usually phone calls only. I’m a medical director type role - leaderships/management and clinical. I’m starting a degree equivalent clinical training next year that will make me a “specialist” (not the exact word but that’s the idea) which will be condensed to one year rather than 3.
I have a disabled husband whose ability has worsened in the last year, and I suspect he will be unable to work any more in the next few weeks. We have one small child at primary school.
I care for my husband, work, and obviously share in looking after our child. My husband is a great parent and does more than 50% of the childcare/school runs/getting them up/making packed lunches etc, because I just can’t do it any more.
I physically cannot get out of bed on my days off. I’m permanently exhausted, in pain with my back/hips/neck/shoulders etc. I’ve put weight on as I have no energy to cook nutritious food and I’ve no energy or time to exercise. I’m mainly eat fruit and toast, jacket potatoes and variations on that. My husband makes large batches of homemade tomato and vegetable sauce to go with pasta for our daughter after school so she is well looked after and fed.
We have no family support. Family are too far away or have enough on their plates to help us.
The house is sort of okay. Not perfectly tidy or clean but okay. There’s stuff I physically can’t do any more - hoover stairs, put lots of laundry away (all the bending), so sometimes stuff builds up.
Yesterday I fell asleep twice in the morning, once in the car (I was the passenger) and once in the ball pit at soft play. Then when I got home I went to bed and slept for 18 hours straight. I’ve woken up and am still tired. So I feel I’m heading to burn out now - “the body keeps score” sort of thing?
I have visited the GP and am anaemic so on ferrous fumarate for this (about 3 months on it so far), and a few other deficiencies like vit D so on supplements for that too. But otherwise I’m fine it seems health wise.
I’ve never been this exhausted, not when I’ve worked runs of 15 hour night shifts, not when I’ve had a non sleeping baby. This is different. It’s like my body doesn’t work.
Im worried that I’m becoming a terrible parent and wife because I don’t have the capacity to look after everyone how I would like.
Financially we are okay. Child is at private school and we prioritise that. Small house and mortgage, no holidays for 7 years, 2 old cars owned outright, we live a small life. When my husband can’t work any more we might have to reconsider schooling as it might become unaffordable.