Left out of mothers obituary

[Searchingforananswer2023]

Can I have thoughts/opinions on this please...

Parent has 6 biological children, estranged from two into adulthood. Parent passes away and five out of the six are listed in the obituary, made public online X was the parent of child 1/2/3/4/5. Child 6 wiped out of the picture completely.

Thanks all, I just view an obituary as a factual account of a person's life, so if 6 children were born, 6 should be mentioned.

I know someone this happened to, at his mother's funeral, he and his 2 brothers whitewashed out entirely. All her other children and grandchildren all mentioned. At the wake, relatives didn't know she had three older children and had been married before.

Was child 3 estranged for the same reason as child 6 or a different reason?

I'm confused. Are you saying that child 6 was left out of the obituary or out of the will? The obituary is just the printed notice with the deceased's 'story', it has nothing to do with who inherits the estate. The will is the legal document that sets out who inherits what.

Either way is painful for child 6. But I guess I'd have to take what comfort (probably cold comfort) I could in that if she didn't consider me her child, well, she really wasn't much of a mother to me anyway.

This was my question too.

Left out of obituary and will. She wasn't much of a mother at all. She abandoned her children in childhood and returned to claim the house when her ex husband died.

Child 3 was abused but kept their mouth shut. Deceased adopted child 3's child and was estranged for over 30 years.

My mother died after being married to my father for 25 years with my brother and I being their children.

He remarried within a year of her death and died 7 years later having adopted 2 sons.

His army obituary and local mentioned his late wife and their sons only and ignored 25 years in between on how amazing he was as a soldier and then a 'dad'

Are you child 6 OP? If so I'm very sorry for what happened to you. I hope you have a good therapist or someone in your life to tell you you are worth more than this.

Sounds like they are trying to make it seem like child 6 didn't exist so that if child 6 decided to contest the will they could use it as "evidence"

Husband had bio Dad and was adopted by his stepfather, so two Dads. He went to both funerals.

No mention of husband at Bio Dad's even though of the Bio Dad's children only 2 of 5 turned up to the funeral but 3 of the 5 got a mention. The second wife got full credit for making his life wonderful despite the divorce, but his third wife to whom he was married at his death and had been married longest and was actually present at the funeral, scarcely got a mention.

With the Dad who adopted him, only his biological children got a mention, though both of us were included in throwing flowers into the grave.

Husband actually gets on with all his half siblings too!

Two Dads and no mention in relation to either.

I am the child of child 6 and fuming that my mother has been treated this way

Clause in will stops child 6 from contesting. Parent was evil until the bitter end

So sorry this happened to you

Who was organising the eulogies? Such a shame for your husband

Good for her.

Its better than me sitting in a funeral of a grandfather I was never allowed to meet and hearing ‘William beloved Dad of David will be solely missed etc ‘ etc William being my grandfather - and David my father who hadn’t spoken to his own for OVER 40 years. I can remember rolling my eyes and just thinking you hated him.

For me it was a chance to hear a different side to my father and his narcissist behaviour and hear what my grandfather was like to others.

That's so painful, for all the children she abandoned.

I guess that all any of her children (who are hurting) can do is to seek therapy to help them to unpack it all and 'put it in its proper place'. The deepest pain can be healed, if not completely then at least enough to make it something that can be lived with.

I hope that child 6 and any of the other siblings that may be hurting can come together and support each other.

If you are child 6, I want you to know you have my deepest sympathy and my prayers for your future. Don't let this drag you down, instead try to live the happiest life you can. That is the true revenge, even if she's not alive to see it.

EDIT: I see you're the child of child 6. Final paragraph still stands, though, my sympathy and prayers for your mom. And for you, who are trying to support her through this.

Child 6 seems to have to been air brushed out as they have challenged the narrative that they want to be presented. Although child 3 was also estranged they seem not to have confronted the perpetrators. It seems pointless to write an obituary that is factually inaccurate but there are a lot of twats out there.

How did they stop them contesting the will?

I'll never now trust a eulogy for facts, but it does tell you how the writer feels.
My kids and DH weren't named for my dad, I was named once, no beloved adjective. My dogs , not theirs, were named and described.
The interesting bit of my dad's life pre my mum was not mentioned at all. So I now distrust speeches for giving you necessarily the whole story. It's all about the writers.
It's them not you.

I had a similar thing with my mother. I was estranged from her. Technically she removed herself from my life and went no contact with me. I told her I was open to a relationship with her if we could have a frank discussion about past issues (she was physically abusive to me as a child and emotionally abusive and a repeated liar to me as an adult). She told everyone I went NC with her which isn’t true, I just put boundaries up.

Anyway we were NC when she died. She’d made a neighbour her nominated next of kin and neighbour did the funeral arrangements. I was invited and was considering going when the letter from my mother came via the solicitors. 4 a4 pages of absolute written abuse and lies. Saying how much she hated me and she wished I had an awful life. Painting me as an awful selfish Dd and she as a victim.

i have no idea what her eulogy at the funeral or any obituary said as i didn’t go after reading that letter. I know she left over half a million £ to her neighbour and a few friends from early adulthood who she hadn’t seen in 30 years. Her will made it very clear I was to get nothing.

How did that make me feel? I was relieved and happy. She probably thinks she managed to stick the boot in from beyond the grave but to me it was the opposite. I felt validated /vindicated. Her actions demonstrated yet again who she was and that I’d been right to distance myself from her. If she had written me a letter expressing pain and sorrow for the breakdown of our relationship that would have been far worse. OP, I would try to encourage your mum to see things from that view point…..put a positive spin on it. The alternative is getting eaten up with anger and she isn’t worth it.

This means the person left out is not loved by the family. The family does not want people to think they are related because they don’t think the one left out is good enough.