Is this normal? Scared I’ll never get back to how I was

[Triflelife]

It’s been a tough year - back in spring an incident with my young DD where she needed an emergency operation and I’ve had an ongoing chronic health problem too. This has led to a lot of stress and GP think I’ve got stress induced IBS so that is always up and down too. It’s mostly ok but then will hit and throw me. I’m a bit up and down with it all mood wise as I get frustrated and fed up of not feeling great a lot of the time. When things are good I do manage shopping, day outings, family holidays etc. If Im in a flare or having an anxious day I do struggle a bit. What I can’t seem to manage is evening/ drinking/ socialising etc. or much in an evening at all of late.

I’ve just had a cold this week and even that has just floored me. I feel like I’ve given up all social meets because I can’t really manage and just feel like I need to rest at the moment. I’m scared I’ll never go back to being able to be a stronger less hermity person. I feel weak in my body and mind. I do work part time and on my days off have my 3yr old and a likely autistic 5yo (have had hospital appt and now on waitlist) so life isn’t quiet but I frequently feel burned out and don’t think that is normal . Has anyone had a prolonged period of anything similar and is there hope for the future? The more stressful events were 9 months ago so I feel I should’ve bounced back a bit by now.

Yes, my husband nearly died in a freak accident several years ago. I saw it all and then had to deal with the repercussions. I was running on fumes and became absolutely burned out, just like you mentioned here.

What helped me:

• Therapy. I had EMDR because I had PTSD, but there are various other forms out there.
• Time. Honestly, time is a healer but only when combined with other things.
• Dedicated time for my hobby (writing) which I'd stopped entirely for a whole year.
• Sounds typical, but self care. That can be however you want it to be; for me it was reading, decorating my library, and exercising again.
• Again, sounds typical; nature. Being outside is so good for you.
• Sleep. I'm a chronic insomniac so that wasn't easy, but I lay down a lot and just closed my eyes and rested my body.

You've been through a traumatic event. There is no time limit on bouncing back; don't beat yourself up. These things shake us to the core and it's very common for the burnout to come later. I'm so sorry to hear about your DD and your own health, too. I have coeliac disease and probably IBS, so stress does an absolute number on my stomach even when I'm eating well. Lots of warm soups now the weather is cold. I remember eating bowls of hot buttery potatoes as it was all I could stomach, but it cheered me up.

@GiddyRobin thank you so much for your kind response it’s made me a bit emotional. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband that must have been incredibly traumatic. I’m glad to hear you’re doing better I feel like the stomach thing is such a curse. It wasn’t quite the same with my DD she needed an urgent operation (and then another) after developing a sudden illness and then was in hospital for 3 weeks but wasn’t near death. I guess I just feel like I should’ve moved past it but it’s like the stress of it, and my injury that came a couple of months before, has all somehow manifested itself physically.

I feel guilty for not building a social network etc but I just have nausea fatigue etc most evenings and want to rest. Thank you so much for all your advice too I think I need to structure some kind of recovery plan and maybe accept it will flex a bit. I do love nature and my garden. Maybe baby steps is the way forward and I should try not to think/ worry about the future too much which is adding stress. But I’m a natural worrier so hard to switch off. Thanks again it’s meant so much to have someone reply x

You coming here to post about how you're feeling is a huge step in itself. It's hard when you're in your own head about these things; it eats away at you and you start doubting your own mind. We're always our own harshest critic! The fact it was your daughter must have been absolutely terrible for you; having a child with a flu can be scary enough, so the fact you've coped and been so strong for her is massive. You should really be giving yourself massive credit for that.

Stress absolutely does manifest itself physically! It shows up in so many horrid little ways. None of them are your fault, and you certainly shouldn't be kicking yourself for not snapping back from it all. The brain has a brain of its own sometimes!

Flexible structure definitely helps, never get annoyed or frustrated if you set a goal and it doesn't happen. What helped me was focusing on the now; what I was doing or what I'd just done. It sounds lame, but journaling helped. Not necessarily big long journaling session, even just notes of "Today I watered the flowers and drank my tea outside.". It's weirdly helpful to look back on your day (or write it as you're doing it) and see what nice things you did for yourself, no matter how small. Waterstones sell beautiful journals and pens, they'll be reduced price in the New Year too, so I'd have a nosy there and see if there's something you like if journaling appeals.

The stomach thing is bloody awful, are you under a GP for it? I am but they don't do much really. Jasmine tea is very calming for me, doesn't fix it but it feels soothing when I drink it if I'm in a flare. Sweet potato soup, nice creamy things. I also discovered garlic infused olive oil which is easier on digestion but you don't miss out the flavour, and spring onions rather than real onions.

Please feel free to DM me at any time; my inbox is open if you ever need a chat and to get out of your own head for a bit. It will pass, I promise you. ❤️ x

@GiddyRobin do you know the journaling might be a good idea. I have this in my head narrative that I’m ill or anxious all of the time, and life is passing me by, which is somewhat true but I do manage things. On bad days I feel like my life is so diminished so it might really help to look back and be able to reflect on the good things I’ve done. I hadn’t really thought about it before. All I seem to do is log stomach problems and foods which is another downer. I do love a peppemint or calm tea (not sure the calm one loves me). Thank you so much again for your kindness. I admit I was nervous to post as you never know what response you’ll get and I didn’t feel I could take a “get a grip”. It’s made such a difference even just someone who has been through something worse saying it can get better.