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Original poster

Would you leave a meeting without saying bye?

35 replies

GutsyShaker · 19/12/2024 06:53

I work in a team of about 15 people. I’m the most junior. Work is incredibly busy at the moment.

A colleague pressured me into signing up to do some work for her. Then after saying I had no capacity on a particular day, she pushed me into attending a briefing on the work.

There were 4 of us in the office. 3 people on zoom.

The colleague gave her brief on the work. I understood what was needed. I got a text message from my boss saying I needed to come back urgently to do some other work.

The brief then turned to questions. The colleague gives long winded answers and I had no questions. So as she was speaking into zoom, I quietly slipped out of the back of the room and returned to my own desk to complete the urgent work.

Next day the colleague asks me to her office to ask me if I was ok. I said yes sorry had to slip out yesterday because the super senior manager needed me to do that task I mentioned.

Colleague then says she was really worried about me and in future I should really say something before leaving a meeting.

She couldn’t give a toss about me.

OP posts:
storminabuttercup · 19/12/2024 06:57

I would have said 'sorry need to get back to my desk for an urgent task' preferably verbally but at least on the chat of whatever conference software you were using if that was possible
Failing that afterwards say 'sorry I had to leave, was urgent'
It is a bit odd to walk out without acknowledging it!

DarkForces · 19/12/2024 06:59

Yes. I always let people know if I'm slipping out early. Just join online and add in chat for the meeting or pass a note to the chair if you don't want to interrupt. It's rude not to.

Pandasnacks · 19/12/2024 07:01

Yeah I would politely say sorry I need to slip out as something urgent has come up. Otherwise it looks like you're hanging up when you can't be arsed anymore.

PastaAndProse · 19/12/2024 07:03

Well would you walk out of an in-person meeting without an explanation? Virtual meetings are no different, it's polite to excuse yourself.

Autumndayz77 · 19/12/2024 07:06

yes, internal meeting is just say it, outside meeting depending on size, topic, attendees I might pop in chat

McSpoot · 19/12/2024 07:06

You obviously don't like her and wrote your post to paint her in a bad light (none of the bit about her "pressuring" you is relevant to the question). Yes, it is weird and rude for you to have left the meeting without saying anything and/or sending a message to explain.

DarkForces · 19/12/2024 07:07

PastaAndProse · 19/12/2024 07:03

Well would you walk out of an in-person meeting without an explanation? Virtual meetings are no different, it's polite to excuse yourself.

It was an in person meeting meeting that op walked out of. She was in the office with 2 others and 1 was online.

Original poster
GutsyShaker · 19/12/2024 07:08

I then joined the zoom as soon as I got back to my desk and the meeting was over.

OP posts:
MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 19/12/2024 07:09

Yeah you'd always say sorry I've got to go something urgent has come up, if you didn't want to interrupt you could've put it in the chat for the meeting when you got back to your desk. The only time I wouldn't announce I was leaving is if I'd said at the beginning I have to duck out at twelve I have X meeting and I can't miss it.

Original poster
GutsyShaker · 19/12/2024 07:09

McSpoot · 19/12/2024 07:06

You obviously don't like her and wrote your post to paint her in a bad light (none of the bit about her "pressuring" you is relevant to the question). Yes, it is weird and rude for you to have left the meeting without saying anything and/or sending a message to explain.

It’s completely relevant -

OP posts:
Owly11 · 19/12/2024 07:09

Why did you agree to do the work for the colleague if you didn't have capacity? Just say no to the colleague and then when you leave meetings early be polite and let people know. Stop being passive aggressive.

McSpoot · 19/12/2024 07:09

GutsyShaker · 19/12/2024 07:09

It’s completely relevant -

Show quote history

How so?

DarkForces · 19/12/2024 07:11

GutsyShaker · 19/12/2024 07:09

It’s completely relevant -

Show quote history

It's irrelevant to whether you are polite and say goodbye. This is simple etiquette.

MildredSauce · 19/12/2024 07:13

GutsyShaker · 19/12/2024 06:53

I work in a team of about 15 people. I’m the most junior. Work is incredibly busy at the moment.

A colleague pressured me into signing up to do some work for her. Then after saying I had no capacity on a particular day, she pushed me into attending a briefing on the work.

There were 4 of us in the office. 3 people on zoom.

The colleague gave her brief on the work. I understood what was needed. I got a text message from my boss saying I needed to come back urgently to do some other work.

The brief then turned to questions. The colleague gives long winded answers and I had no questions. So as she was speaking into zoom, I quietly slipped out of the back of the room and returned to my own desk to complete the urgent work.

Next day the colleague asks me to her office to ask me if I was ok. I said yes sorry had to slip out yesterday because the super senior manager needed me to do that task I mentioned.

Colleague then says she was really worried about me and in future I should really say something before leaving a meeting.

She couldn’t give a toss about me.

There are flags here to indicate that you're not very good at communicating in general.

In hindsight, are there any things you believe you could have handled differently?

AlisonDonut · 19/12/2024 07:13

I would probably have mouthed 'sorry, got to go' to the people in the room and they could have told her you had to leave when she finished talking or took a breath.

UndeniablyGenX · 19/12/2024 07:14

Yes - if there was no suitable Teams chat linked to the in-person meeting, I'd stand up so people would look in my direction and and quietly excuse myself. I'd then message the chair afterwards to say something urgent had come up but to let me know any actions from the meeting after I'd left.

MaggieBsBoat · 19/12/2024 07:17

Yes of course you say something. She was just trying to politely let you know that you were being rude by saying she was worried about you. And you should know that of course, Not giving a toss about you is irrelevant, she was being professional - unlike you! Apologise asap.

Jellycatspyjamas · 19/12/2024 07:18

Yep I’d quiet excuse myself, it’s very rude to leave a meeting early and not either say at the beginning I need to leave or, if I’m called away, excuse myself to the chair.

SleepyHippy3 · 19/12/2024 07:43

MildredSauce · 19/12/2024 07:13

There are flags here to indicate that you're not very good at communicating in general.

In hindsight, are there any things you believe you could have handled differently?

Show quote history

No, these are no flags here to indicate that the OP is not very good at communicating in general - you gauged that just from one described interaction?

Yes, of course, the OP should have mentioned, indicated, that she has to attend to other urgent work and will need to leave the meeting early, and I am sure now that it is a lesson learned. But given that she is the junior, she probably feels that she is the most obligated to be seen to be helping out, seen not to be saying no, no complaining about work load etc This other senior person should have approached her main boss directly, asking if they were ok with asking if they could borrow OP for some extra work. In turn if the boss agreed to this, they should have asked OP if she was happy and able to take on the additional work. I would like to think that in hindsight this other senior person, and her boss, would have done things differently and been kinder instead of saying nonsense like that she is worried about her, and making OP feel worse about this than it’s necessary.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 19/12/2024 07:50

Understood that you didn’t want interrupt the meeting but you could have scribbled a note. You seem angry and perhaps this is because your line management structure is unclear. You need one line manager not several. Ask for a meeting about that.

AlisonDonut · 19/12/2024 07:50

The other people in the room could have easily said 'She got a text and then had to go'. They probably did. Maybe the meeting person needs to pay more attention and not blah blah blah on for hours on end.

Edingril · 19/12/2024 07:52

DarkForces · 19/12/2024 06:59

Yes. I always let people know if I'm slipping out early. Just join online and add in chat for the meeting or pass a note to the chair if you don't want to interrupt. It's rude not to.

Edited

Yes this, it doesn't have to be an epic saga just a basic sentence though

SleepyHippy3 · 19/12/2024 08:21

AlisonDonut · 19/12/2024 07:50

The other people in the room could have easily said 'She got a text and then had to go'. They probably did. Maybe the meeting person needs to pay more attention and not blah blah blah on for hours on end.

Exactly. But then some people have little self awareness.

Eenameenadeeka · 19/12/2024 08:25

Yes, it is odd to leave before it's finished without saying that you need to go.

McSpoot · 19/12/2024 08:30

SleepyHippy3 · 19/12/2024 08:21

Exactly. But then some people have little self awareness.

Show quote history

Or, you know, people are paying attention to the meeting not watching what someone is doing on their phone and then (if they even noticed that someone - not presenting/talking - looked their phone) extrapolating that they must have gotten a text and needed to leave because of said text.

But, of course, it's everyone else's fault.