Am I unhappy deep down?

[G12333]

I suffered with anxiety, an eating disorder and depression in my teens. I’m 27 now. Married with 2 young kids both under 3.

I adore my kids they give me a purpose and they are my source of happiness I have.

but apart from them? I don’t get it anywhere else. When they go to bed I do chores, get a hot bath and get stuff ready for the next day.

I always wonder if there’s a man out there who’s my ‘true’ love. DH is just. I don’t even know where to start , he gets annoyed over the smallest things. Feel like I’m on egg shells around him. He’s lazy around the house and with the kids. I can’t remember the last time he actually said something nice to me (not saying everything is horrible he says just not gave me a compliment or anything like that for a while)

ive just analysed all of this and the only thing that brings me happiness is my kids is this normal? I know kids bringing you the most joy is normal but nothing else does. It’s that part I wonder about

You also deserve to love and be loved by an adult partner, and get happiness from your own interests and hobbies. Easier said than done in a capitalist society of course but still...

Really interesting question and has made me think OP so thankyou.

I had a child mid 30's, before this I was reasonably happy and never searched for a purpose as such, I thinkaybe my unwritten purpose was to work at my career, marry, excel further in career then have children. I've now done all of these things, child is still primary age and outside of him I have times when I'm happy with things outside of that and times when I feel total lack of purpose beyond child, that nothing else really brings me joy and the rest is abit of a trudge.
It is sad that you don't receive anything from you dh.
Normal? I'm not sure but I do get where your coming from. Be interested to read other people's comments.

Oh, and I also and depression and anxiety in teens and 20's

It is quite interesting to think isn’t it? I think it’s so normal for kids to be your everything abd everything else doesn’t come close!

but yeah it would be nice to be with a man who loves me and isn’t how I described my DH. I would like that pocket of happiness outside my kids so that when they’re in bed I have someone st the end of the day

I don’t think what you’re curious about or hoping for is unreasonable. I’ve also suffered with depression and anxiety and I think people who have, always lean towards thinking it’s a fault with their own thinking, or think they’re wrong in some way, or not quite right about things.. I had therapy and much of it was just the therapist validating my feelings as I was wracked with self doubt.what I’m trying to say is, don’t assume your thinking is flawed because of your history.