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Just feeling.... I don't really know.

8 replies

AlwaysRight1985 · 18/12/2024 19:44

I just turned 39 this week, and just kind of feeling.... like there's no purpose in my life I suppose. Not really sure what I'm looking for here other than a bit of a vent as as you'll see I haven't really got anyone in real life. I'll break it down a bit:

Family and Friends: 39 years old, only child, never married, no kids. I have an overbearing mother, but we're way past the point of bring that up. Even extended family have just learned to smile and nod, and say 'yes dear' and just agree to whatever she wants. Abusive, alcoholic father who died when I was 13. I have a great extended family in terms of auntie/uncle/cousins, but they are all older than me, and so I worry what will happen when I get 'old' (not financially, thankfully that's sorted) but in terms of who would look after me - my cousin's kids, for various reasons, would be out of the question. I have some lovely friends but literally only a small handful, and don't see them too often as they all have lives of their own and partners/husbands, kids, etc. I also lost my best friend earlier this year in terms of stopping speaking - she went off the rails after a divorce and became someone I just couldn't have in my life anymore. Also have two cats who I absolutely adore.

Relationships: single for three years after being cheated on, and before that almost a decade in an incredibly abusive relationship. I've done all my healing and therapy and thought I'd maybe like to meet someone, but there's literally nobody decent out there any more. The massive rise is misogyny has also led me to question whether I'm just better bowing out of relationships full stop.

Work: fairly senior responsible job with a good salary after 7 years at uni. However, now finding it incredibly boring. Roles at the next level come up very very rarely, and it's such a niche area that usually they know who they want for the role already. Have tried all of the career development suggestions from my employer, but still no further forward. I also have a part-time job in a sports club which was more to get me out of the house and socialise rather than just a bit of pocket money (no eligible men there unfortunately).

Health: fairly severe endometriosis, currently waiting for a hysterectomy. Also premature ovarian insufficiency which is why I can't have children (also don't want to so that hasn't been too much of a struggle). Also have ASD and some degree of anxiety/depression since the age of 5 unfortunately. All medicated/therapied out and mostly under control but I am constantly exhausted!!!! So other than work/gym/sleep and limited social life I've little room for anything else.

Thank you for reading if you managed to get this far, and like I said I just needed to vent so not really expecting any replies. It all just seems so.... pointless... like there's no end goal, and I'll just end up old and alone (I'm hoping assisted dying for no reason will be legal by then).

OP posts:
MounjaroOnMyMind · 18/12/2024 19:48

I think you need a big change in your life - would you be interested in working in another country for a while?

AlwaysRight1985 · 18/12/2024 19:52

MounjaroOnMyMind · 18/12/2024 19:48

I think you need a big change in your life - would you be interested in working in another country for a while?

I couldn't do it for a number of reasons: my job is NHS and rarely exists in other healthcare systems, I couldn't leave the cats, I'd be unlikely to get another mortgage if I sold my current house, and to be honest I couldn't leave my mum as she has no other close relatives

OP posts:
MounjaroOnMyMind · 18/12/2024 20:11

Those are all really good reasons to stay. I just felt a change of scene might have done you good. Do you have someone to look after the cats if you took a long holiday after your hysterectomy? That all sounds so difficult - I really feel for you.

AlwaysRight1985 · 18/12/2024 23:09

MounjaroOnMyMind · 18/12/2024 20:11

Those are all really good reasons to stay. I just felt a change of scene might have done you good. Do you have someone to look after the cats if you took a long holiday after your hysterectomy? That all sounds so difficult - I really feel for you.

Thank you, I have people around me who will look after both me after the surgery and the cats when I'm away but I already have 7 weeks off booked for holidays in 2025 so not sure I can squeeze anymore😂maybe my purpose in life is to see the world!? Sadly not yet until I don't have a mortgage to pay though... I don't know how the trips will line up with the surgery though, at the moment I'll be waiting on average another 9 months so that would be between holiday 3 and 4 of next year (although that one is for my 40th)

OP posts:
SlB09 · 18/12/2024 23:17

Really feel for you. I have endo and it interferes with your life in ways people just don't realise, and oh the fatigue!!

I don't have any advice really but solidarity, there seems to actually be quite abit of 'what is the point' going around at the minute and I'm not sure why - including me. It's like is this it? Maybe years of austerity, maybe intensified by shit weather and dark grey days early nights ATM, maybe more talk of loneliness and older age makes us project. You've had alot of traumatic events and experiences though, would you be in a position to use that to help others?
Think the other job is a great idea though re socialising, well done for having the foresight to get out and do this! I'm not sure whether sitting in this feeling and being more comfortable with it until you naturally feel your way through it is the answer or going hell for leather with finding a 'purpose' is a better way? If you find out can you let me know??!!!

AlwaysRight1985 · 18/12/2024 23:25

SlB09 · 18/12/2024 23:17

Really feel for you. I have endo and it interferes with your life in ways people just don't realise, and oh the fatigue!!

I don't have any advice really but solidarity, there seems to actually be quite abit of 'what is the point' going around at the minute and I'm not sure why - including me. It's like is this it? Maybe years of austerity, maybe intensified by shit weather and dark grey days early nights ATM, maybe more talk of loneliness and older age makes us project. You've had alot of traumatic events and experiences though, would you be in a position to use that to help others?
Think the other job is a great idea though re socialising, well done for having the foresight to get out and do this! I'm not sure whether sitting in this feeling and being more comfortable with it until you naturally feel your way through it is the answer or going hell for leather with finding a 'purpose' is a better way? If you find out can you let me know??!!!

Thank you so much for your reply. I'm sorry that you're feeling the same way too but it's a comfort to me to realise I'm not alone. I don't know why I'm like this at the moment when usually Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year! But this year I'm just so EXHAUSTED that I just want it over with! My mum just said tonight at least I can catch up on some sleep but I'm worried if I do that I'll never get up at the right time for work again!

I really want to do the helping others thing but I'm again struggling with time and with energy to be able to, maybe I'll look again in the new year...

I'm hoping this will pass but who knows?! I haven't got the energy for 'hell for leather'. But my inbox is always open if you need a chat x

OP posts:
SlB09 · 18/12/2024 23:53

Yeah working in the NHS (whatever role) and then helping people outside of this can be a mental drain by itself!! I too work in the NHS and I'm peoples out by the end of the day.
I've had this before and it's naturally passed but keeps popping back more frequently, I keep thinking it's a sign something isn't balanced but only god knows what I need to change to shift that!! Ha not figured that bit out yet. Th ms OP mine is too xx

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 18/12/2024 23:58

I think there doesn't need to be some grand purpose, or even a small one really, as long as you can enjoy the ride. To that end I'd just focus on anything that makes you happy - reading a book? A movie and a hot chocolate and closing the door/curtains on the world at night? Start small and just focus on happiness, even little bits of contentment, in whatever form.

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