I just turned 39 this week, and just kind of feeling.... like there's no purpose in my life I suppose. Not really sure what I'm looking for here other than a bit of a vent as as you'll see I haven't really got anyone in real life. I'll break it down a bit:
Family and Friends: 39 years old, only child, never married, no kids. I have an overbearing mother, but we're way past the point of bring that up. Even extended family have just learned to smile and nod, and say 'yes dear' and just agree to whatever she wants. Abusive, alcoholic father who died when I was 13. I have a great extended family in terms of auntie/uncle/cousins, but they are all older than me, and so I worry what will happen when I get 'old' (not financially, thankfully that's sorted) but in terms of who would look after me - my cousin's kids, for various reasons, would be out of the question. I have some lovely friends but literally only a small handful, and don't see them too often as they all have lives of their own and partners/husbands, kids, etc. I also lost my best friend earlier this year in terms of stopping speaking - she went off the rails after a divorce and became someone I just couldn't have in my life anymore. Also have two cats who I absolutely adore.
Relationships: single for three years after being cheated on, and before that almost a decade in an incredibly abusive relationship. I've done all my healing and therapy and thought I'd maybe like to meet someone, but there's literally nobody decent out there any more. The massive rise is misogyny has also led me to question whether I'm just better bowing out of relationships full stop.
Work: fairly senior responsible job with a good salary after 7 years at uni. However, now finding it incredibly boring. Roles at the next level come up very very rarely, and it's such a niche area that usually they know who they want for the role already. Have tried all of the career development suggestions from my employer, but still no further forward. I also have a part-time job in a sports club which was more to get me out of the house and socialise rather than just a bit of pocket money (no eligible men there unfortunately).
Health: fairly severe endometriosis, currently waiting for a hysterectomy. Also premature ovarian insufficiency which is why I can't have children (also don't want to so that hasn't been too much of a struggle). Also have ASD and some degree of anxiety/depression since the age of 5 unfortunately. All medicated/therapied out and mostly under control but I am constantly exhausted!!!! So other than work/gym/sleep and limited social life I've little room for anything else.
Thank you for reading if you managed to get this far, and like I said I just needed to vent so not really expecting any replies. It all just seems so.... pointless... like there's no end goal, and I'll just end up old and alone (I'm hoping assisted dying for no reason will be legal by then).