I am so terribly awkward in social situations. Trying to break out of my sahm life and finding it so hard

[Untery]

Been a sahm for so many years and dc no longer need me so much. I have been feeling so lonely and trying to do volunteering to improve my cv and bring me some confidence. But I am not sure if it’s helping. Had a difficult afternoon where I felt like I just didn’t fit in at the volunteering and now a bit sad.

i have a really good education and an in demand degree but don’t think I can go back to that due to my long time away.

been listening to self help books on coping better in social settings does anyone have any tips for me?

Thank you for your kind message. I actually have a friend (distant friend I haven’t seen for a while) who permanently lost her voice through disability, I think it was maybe a stroke, not sure. She is otherwise healthy. Interestingly she has loads of friends and it loved by everyone. As she has such a friendly face and appears to enjoy listening. So there is definitely something to be said for people loving someone who will listen.

You’ve had negative responses here. I took 10 years out and got the exact job I wanted in my old profession. Little had changed!

You need confidence and that comes from practise / experience. Be as positive as you can! You can do it!

I wonder about the focus on coping better in social situations, and also that you are a former engineer.

Are you sure you need to be better in social situations? Who says?

What about some self-love for your awkward self, and trying to meet similar people with similar interests who are probably awkward as hell but you might actually have a nice time with?

I can see why so many people are talking about you returning to your former job even though that's not what your post is about because I think people are thinking that it would improve almost everything 1) confidence - you are a very smart person with a lot of life experience, but you sound so down about yourself 2) interacting without the pressure of the interaction being purely about having social skills ie it's about getting a job done, so you don't 'overfocus' on if you're good at social skills and 3) potentially meeting some likeminded people.

Otherwise, could you volunteer in an area linked to your strengths. Could you offer some mentoring to female engineers? Or even volunteer in something close to your old area of work? Given you have kids who are getting older, could you offer some free tutoring in maths or science or engineering as a way to kick-start a tutoring career?

I was actually considering maths tutoring and I did find a company that do this online. So might try that

If you enjoyed your job before I don't see why you can't try to do that again. Even if it means you update your qualifications as necessary to add any updates!

I've had a bit of this too recently. Started a new job in quite a big place and was struggling socially for quite a while (as well as with the job).

So, I set myself a goal to just say 'Hello, how are you?' to x number of people that day - and count that as a win!

Or there's always a topic of current interest (Christmas, the weather), so maybe ask a question or make a comment about that.

Sometimes, conversation will start up from an initial greeting or comment, or you'll speak to someone that you feel an affinity with.

Take any opportunity to reach out or speak to someone (especially if you feel yourself holding back).

Offering to make drinks can be a good social opportunity too. No-one does that in my new job, but we did in the previous one, which gave me the opportunity to have a chat and connect with people I may not have spoken to otherwise.

It is difficult, but this sort of thing needs confidence to get through - I found that some of my small 'wins' lead to more involvement with people, which increased my confidence quite quickly.